Shredding Company Will Get Rid Of Your Incriminating Documents, Snitching Colleagues

Author:
Updated:
Original:


Have you committed a crime lately? Whether you're a CFO who's been not exactly forthcoming about all the toxic assets on your firm's balance sheet, a trader who's used some material non-public information to your benefit or an administrative assistant who finally had it and offed your boss, you've probably already disposed of the evidence. Documents, hard drives, bodies, etc. That's easy and generally doesn't require more than two pairs of pliers. What may prove slightly more difficult but is just as important is getting rid of any people who may have seen some stuff they weren't supposed to see. If that's the case, flag down the truck seen above, which now provides "witness destruction," among other services.

Related

Considerably More Snitches Actually Getting Stitches Around The Office These Days

Last week, we discussed the whistleblower payout awarded to Bradley Birkenfeld, a former UBS employee who single-handedly made the government’s case against the Swiss bank re: tax evasion, scoring the US between $780 million and $5 billion, depending on how much credit you want to give him. Earlier in the month, Birkenfeld secured a $104 million bonus from the IRS for his assistance, though only after a lot of hoop jumping, nearly three years in a federal prison, and several months in a halfway house, prompting us to wonder how much money, if any, it would take to get you to blow the whistle on some colleagues playing it fast and loose with the law,* if you would do time for it, and, if so, how much? Today brings one more issue to consider, should you be seriously considering teaching your coworkers a lesson they'll never forget, which is: are you will to get your face rearranged and/or have your hand stapled to your desk? Because it will probably come to that. “The number one weapon used at work is the fist,” says Larry Barton, a professor and leading expert in workplace violence who estimates more than 1.2 million Americans were assaulted at work by a coworker in the past calendar year. The second most popular weapon? The stapler on your desk. A new report from the Ethics Resource Center shows that physical violence at work as retaliation against whistle blowing is on the rise. Since 2009, the percentage of people who’ve reported misconduct at work and were victims of physical harm jumped more than 25%. By these tallies, both fists and staplers have been getting quite the workout. Just something to think about. When Snitches Get Stitches: Physical Violence As Workplace Retaliation On The Rise [Forbes via Heidi Moore] *Be it securities laws or simply workplace etiquette, i.e. don't grab someone to chat for "just a quick sec" when they're clearly heading out the door to flee this asylum for the night.