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Cowen Managing Director Charged With Assaulting Sister Because She's "Thin"

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Mary Sadrakula, pictured in both the glamour shot and mugshot at left, is a New Jersey councilwoman and a managing director at Cowen and Company. If colleagues have noticed that it seems like her head's been in another place lately, it probably has, given that, in the last two weeks, she's been charged with 1) assaulting her sister and 2) trying to cover up the incident. Why would a grown woman resort to physical violence- which included a punch so hard it broke a nose- toward anyone, let alone her own blood? According to the abused, it's because Mary had an issue with the fact that her sis "is thin."

What does that mean? Was Mary jealous of her sister's slimmer waistline? Or, does she prefer her ladies with meat on their bones and was angry sis isn't a little thicker? Unclear, but it's what the victim told the police when they arrived at Mary's house and found The Thin One sitting the driveway with a broken nose and broken tailbone, meaning whatever Sadrakula was pissed about, she was really pissed. The intensity of the (alleged) assault, however, is not the most impressive part of this story, which involves what Sadrakula, who is also a Bear Stearns alum, did to get herself additionally charged with "purposely obstructing the administration of law."

After the (literal) ass kicking incident, the police received a call from Sadrakula's house. The call presumably came from the sister, but when the 911 dispatcher answered, no one was there because, we're going out on a limb here, Mary knocked the phone out of her sister's hand. The dispatcher then called back, and the following exchange ensued:

911: Hi, this is the Clifton Police.
Mary: Yes, everything's okay, there was a problem with my phone.
Voice in the background: Bull shit! She hit me!
Mary: Okay thanks, bye.

Apparently the "bull shit" line piqued the cop's interest, so he called back again. Here's how that second call went.

911: This is the Clifton police. What's going on there?
Mary: Nothing, nothing. This is Councilwoman Mary Sadrakula. I had trouble with my phone.
911: Alright, everything is okay?
Mary: Everything is fine.
911: Alright, no problem.
Mary: When you called back I said that. I had trouble with my phone. So that was what the trouble was. Thanks so much for checking. I appreciate it...bye.

For the full effect, you must listen to the call, and hear the utterly composed tone to Mary's voice. We'll wait.

Okay, good?

Now, just take a moment with this. Other than not exactly thinking through the lie (do a lot of phones have problems where they accidentally dial 911?), this woman is good. It's like, there's this crisis going on, there's a crazed sister in the background, Mary's got blood on her knuckles and her hair is mussed up from the beating and she's still out of breathe from her Raging Bull moment yet she immediately clicks right into corporate shmoozespeak. "Oh, hey, Officer Jim, how's it going? Is Bob still with you guys? Haha, yeah, anyway, listen Jim, this was all just a big silly misunderstanding. Nothing to see here, move along. Yup, all good! Thanks so much! You guys do great work down there!"

Unfortunately, cops "can't take the word of someone on the other end of the phone" and had to send someone to investigate the situation, where they found the sister who told them Mary, who holds an MBA from Fairleigh Dickinson University, had "gotten angry" at her because she's thin. So Mare's going to have to deal with clearing all this up but if the charges happen to affect her employment with Cowen, which appears to have pulled her bio from their website, though her name can still be found in other places-- we're thinking she shouldn't have too hard a time bouncing back with at another shop. The ability to administer such a shellacking (in the boardroom or elsewhere) and remain completely poised and on message in the immediate aftermath (or even during) is a skill most firms would pay serious money for.

Councilwoman Accused Of Assaulting Sister [ABC]
Council Meeting Draws Crowd [NJ]
"An avid animal lover, Mary enjoys gardening, cooking, baking, knitting and antiquting." [MS]