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SAC Capital Needs Help Decorating, Naming Its New Building

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SAC Capital is reportedly close to signing a lease at 510 Madison that would give the firm the second through fifth floors, 66,000 square feet, and naming rights to the building (which comes with a health club and pool, meaning everyone will be required to pass a swim test- if you never learned how, I highly suggest you start dunking your head underwater during tonight's bath to get yourself used to it, as floaties will not be permitted). While the Stamford office will always be number one, this much space and responsibility cannot be ignored and means we need to get to work.

This is our To Do List:

1. Name: so many ways to go on this one. We could always just make it the SAC Capital building with each 50 foot letter cast in bronze, positioned vertically down the side of the building. We could be vindictive with S a D Patty Tower. We could go subtle with: 3/50 Madison Avenue.

2. Decorating tips: in order to make this place feel like home, we need little interesting touches and flourishes everywhere. For instance, like the national debt clock there could be a Steve's net worth clock ticking on the side of the building. Is there a need for some kind of embalmed pet or are we over that? Perhaps a subtle nod with some bearskin rugs? Those hula girl lamps Steve's always wanted but were deemed too tacky for the Stamford office?

3. Use of space: the new building will be considerably larger than the old New York office at 540 Madison Avenue- how should we make use of the extra room? Everyone is allotted enough space for 27 monitors? Reflection rooms for meditation/quiet time? A 200-foot roped off Dance Revolution stage? Guest bedrooms in case someone wants to spend the night? A Dominos-wing with one room devoted just to cheesy bread? A sweatshop where you know what will be made, as a certain clothing manufacturer has been jacking up its prices?