Earlier this week, we took a serious look at a sport beloved to a certain hedge fund in Stamford, CT: ping pong. Second only to trading and hunting humans, p-pong is the pastime that is often cited internally as the secret to this firm's success, the practice of which has made what started out as a 2-bit boiler room into the powerhouse fund it is today. A prescient call, as today Bloomberg has published an article quoting table tennis experts on ping pong being the hottest new thing in the business community.
“It’s like a real-life version of LinkedIn,” says founder Peter Farnsworth. “We’re bringing the business community together through pingpong.”
According to Alan Williams, of sports management firm North American Table Tennis, "Everyone who plays table tennis [will] live longer, be smarter, and be more attractive." While true, this affirmation did not please our hedge fund manager who, as we all know, is above all else a trend-setting icon, not a follower. He doesn't hop on bandwagons, he builds them from the ground up (see: skinny jeans) and the burns them down when others pile on, years later.
As such, we've been informed he's finished with pong, having destroyed all tables in the middle of his trading floor earlier today, and let it be known that anyone seen harboring paddles will have said accoutrement shoved where the sun don't shine, handle side out. Furthermore, at this moment, he's put his best team on the task of sussing out new ideas to once again regain the edge on recreational activities. We recommend brushing up on the following, which portfolio managers are said to be analyzing, so you can hit the ground running when he makes a final call.
* 52 card pickup
* chicken fights
* no holds barred Balderdash
* couples calisthenics
* Hacky sack
* arm wrestling
* competitive slip and sliding