Here's what she wrote earlier this week to a relationship columnist with the Boston Globe:
Long time, first time. Back story is that I started dating my best friend of about five years this past September. He is the most kindhearted, gentle, and fun person I know. He has seen me go through my share of bad relationships and heartache. He's two years older than me and this is his first real relationship and longest relationship. We both started to like each other early last year but didn't act on it until the summer. We were scared to cross the line and he was studying for Part 2 of the CFA (crazy finance test!) all last winter/spring so I didn't want to distract him.
He was always the one pushing for us to start dating once it was on the table, and after spending time with him, I grew to love him. It's by far the best relationship I've been in and he treats me so well I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him (I'm 23. I've been around the block. I've known him for 5 years).
He is in the thick of studying for part 3 of the CFA right now and has been since January. The test is in early June. I have been incredibly understanding about his priority (passing this test!). When his job and the studying became extra stressful last month, he threw a curve ball at me and said that he felt like something was missing in our relationship but that he couldn't decipher if it was his external stresses or just us. We decided to work on it, but more recently the conversation came back up and he said he still feels something is missing. I'm deeply hurt by this and I really just hope it's the stress of the CFA that is sucking the life out of him, but I also don't think it's fair for me to sit around and wait until after the CFA for my "trial period" to be up.
We called it off last night and I'm just looking for some help on how I should be feeling about this situation and what to do after the CFA is over in June. Reevaluate? Move on? Is he just a commitment-phobe?
– CFA is ruining my life, Boston
The Globe writer says no, it's not about the CFA stuff but rather that "he hasn't been around the block so he doesn't know exactly what he wants from this relationship after a year of dating." Some commenters opined:
* "The CFA is ALL-ABSORBING unless you're one of those people who can read something once and remember it verbatin 2 months later. Leave this guy alone and drop him a line in July. Otherwise, he'll partially blame you if he flunks, and resent you for distracting him if he passes. You've got nothing to lose and evertying to gain by backing off."
* "Sorry, I've never taken the CFA, but what's going to happen, when some real stress happens in your lives?"
* "Once he passes and makes an obscene amount of money and can buy his wife, that won't be you, all sorts of glittery things to go on vacation with, I am sure he will remember the supprot that you didn't give him and be happy that he chose correctly."
* "You think the CFA exams are hard? They're for people who can't take the pressure of the Actuarial exams."
If you have any additional words of wisdom to offer, please do so at this time.
Is He Out Of Love Or Just Busy? [Boston Globe]