Winifred Jiau, the Primary Global consultant who worked closing with, among others, ex-SAC portfolio manager Noah Freeman, was found guilty on insider trading charges this morning, after two days of jury deliberations. The 43 year-old Jiau now faces up to 20 years for securities fraud and an additional five years for conspiracy. For the math whizzes in the group, that means she'll be a mere 68 years old when sprung free. If you've been keeping up, you know even those who Wini drove to fantasies of killing her and making it look like an accident (no names: Noah Freeman) couldn't deny she was the best at providing material non-public information and since there's no reason to believe she won't keep her skills sharp while in the joint, anyone looking to hook up with her in 2036 would be wise to write the following down.

Likes:

* Lobsters (Maine, not South African, so help you god)

* iPhones

* Cheesecake Factory

* bossing your ass around, in case there's any question as to who's who in this relationship

Dislikes:

* Traders who think she gives a baker's fuck about their schedules

* People who think she gives up recipes without getting her sugar

Jiau Found Guilty At Insider Trading Trial [WSJ]