Last month, we learned that at some point over the summer, Richard Kimball Jr. had left Goldman Sachs. Not knowing his plans, at the time we speculated he was either starting his own hedge fund, as former bankers, particularly ones who've been partners at Goldman, tend to do, or designing a line for La Perla, as people whose adult pool parties and clothing-optional Halloween gatherings that enrage the neighbors also tend to do. Today, however, we were informed that we were wrong on both counts. While owning a hedge fund or designing lingerie seem like they would fall in Kimball's wheelhouse, his new gig is actually more perfect for him than anything would could have imagined. 'Cause when one thinks of Rick Kimball Jr, one thinks PAR-TAY ANIMAL. And when you're a par-tay animal on the level of The Kimballer, you need to take important steps to ensure the party don't stop. Safeguards, if you will. One reason often cited by people who've been engaging in some hard partying for "never doing that again" is the desire to not suffer crippling hangovers the next day. But what if Rick Kimball told you you could party like no one was watching without ever waking up to another hangover again? Would that sound like something you'd be interested in? Because what we're saying is: Rick Kimball is currently running a hangover prevention company.*

Step 1: Come up with story idea, say, about how small businesses are being hurt due to the NBA lockout Step 2: Reach out to Twitter followers, ask them to corroborate said story Step 3: Wait. Step 4: Practice asking Kate Upton to be your Valentine. ["Will you, Kaaa" voice cracks. "Will you, Kate Upton.." No, that's stupid. "Kate I would be most honored if you.."] Step 5: Daydream about how you and "Katie" will tell your families you eloped. Step 6: Marvel at your good fortune when a guy, who in real life is a bored teenager but over the internet seems like a legit businessman, emails you to say that he runs an escort service in New York, "mostly for away team players after games but some Knicks and Nets too; they are high rollers and I'm not getting the constant business I that I need to stay running." Step 7: Double fist pump the air and shout "Yes, D-Rove, you got this!" Step 8: Breathe, tell yourself to calm down and reel it in. Step 9: Put on your reporter hat and ask "Henry James" some questions like, "How much money would say you're losing? What cut do you then get? What is the cheapest woman and what is the most expensive woman? I assume it's by the hour and what is the typical # of hours?" Step 10: Make no attempt to verify source is who he says he is, that his business exists, that you're not being taken for a ride. Step 11: Cut, print. How A Teenager With A Fake Escort Service Duped Darren Rovell And CNBC [Deadspin] Related: SI Swimsuit Model Doesn’t Have To Worry About Things Getting Weird With CNBC Reporter Because He’s Known Her Since She Was 17