You may have heard the disturbing news that bonuses this year are expecting to cause a lot of JO&C'ing at various desks across Wall Street. Here to help? Your friendly neighborhood Duane Reade, which last week announced its intent to convince financial services employees who work in the neighborhood to patronize the hell out of their shop. DR plans to lure you in with various bait (hairstyling services, a nail salon, a smoothie bar, beer growlers, a stock ticker, sushi) and by demonstrating that they're in touch with what you're going through. Take the less than ideal compensation situation. Duane gets it, which is why tomorrow, they're going to award their favorite Wall Streeter a bonus out of their pocket, with no clawback provision.**
Duane Reade plans to spend tomorrow morning teasing customers with the chance to win one million dollars. From 11am to 1pm tomorrow, July 12, the chain will celebrate its 50th anniversary with a party at its Wall Street location. Perk include freebies, special offers, the celebrity presence of DJ Clue and Darryl Strawberry, and a giveaway of 50 pairs of Mets tickets. One check is for $1 million, but the rest are for $5000, which is really not such a terrible consolation prize.
Perhaps the draw of DJ Clue will also be the draw we need to smoke Greg Lippmann out of his hole and down here to perform the work that needs to be done.
**Though god help the cheating ass of anyone company reps spot in a Rite Aid.