Real Housewives Of Wall Street Missing Two Crucial Elements

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This is not the way we wanted to start the weekend but so be it: the dream of having Lisa Maria Falcone and her Grammy-award winning pig in our living room every week is over. Reality TV show Wall $treet Wives has been cast and our favorite hedge fund wife and her sidekick are nowhere to be found. Yes, we're still going to give W$W a chance, but we're not going to be excited about it. The cast list is as follows:

Devon Fleming: Ms. Fleming, pictured, who is married to a Deutsche Bank wealth manager, will star in the show. During the financial crisis, she “made a fortune, lost a fortune, and learned valuable lessons through it all,” and is now working as a lifestyle guru and living in what she describes as “a McMansion” in New Canaan, Conn.

Melissa Matthes: A professor of religion and politics at Yale Divinity School and the United States Coast Guard Academy, Ms. Matthes has been married for nearly 20 years to a hedge fund manager, with whom she has four children. She teaches about the relationship between theology and money, according to Ms. Fleming.

Yvonne Evelyn: Ms. Evelyn is “married to a successful Wall Streeter and is among the few black power couples” in finance, according to Ms. Fleming.

Lisa Najarian: Ms. Najarian is married to Peter Najarian, the former NFL player and current contributor to CNBC’s “Fast Money.” (Aside from Ms. Fleming and Ms. Najarian, the show’s stars have requested that their husbands not be named in the show.) She has 2 children, and is the owner of Loopie Doop’s, a cookie bakery.

There's also a Handelsbanken executive (whose husband is "an unemployed Wall Street financier/Spanish playboy"), a broke and divorced clothing designer, a young Australian married to "a successful young Wall Street financier," and a real estate agent whose appearance "will add visual interest."

Wall Street Wives Finds A Cast [Dealbook]

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It's no secret that one of our favorite hedge fund wives is Lisa Maria Falcone. Whether she's imploring bitches to throw their hands in air, hiring little people for her twin daughters' birthday party, spooning her pet pig, or simply flitting about town in outfits that go from gladiator chic to deconstructed "Like A Virgin," the woman is her own special brand of fabulous. LMF started keeping a considerably lower profile once her husband Phil's hedge fund hit a streak of bad luck though we always knew she'd be back. Unfortunately, we'd hoped the woman who does what she wants, haters of the Upper East Side be damned, would return with the news her production company was putting the finishing touches on Wilbur Falcone's debut album and not this: ...at 2:25 p.m., 48-year-old Lisa Marie Falcone of Manhattan crashed her vehicle at the corner of Montauk Highway and Hayground Road in Bridgehampton, police said. She was found to be to be under the influence of alcohol and prescription medication, police said. Falcone...was charged with driving while intoxicated. Listen, lady: Throwing back a few cocktails when your closet is having two-for-one happy hour is one thing but getting loaded up on booze and pills and going for a drive is quite another. You could have hurt someone or yourself and then Phil would've had to raise Wilbur on his own. Is that what you want? 2 Charged With DWI Crashes in Hamptons [Long Island Press, mugshot via BI]