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Charlie Gasparino Has Met/Likes Brian Moynihan, Which Is Why It Kills Him To Describe His "Half-Witted" Boy As "The Most Unqualified CEO In All Of Corporate America"

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There comes a time in every man's life when he needs to offer a friend a ride on the straight talk express. The better the friend, the harder it is and the more important it is to force them to hear the truth. It might be difficult to say, and the words might sting but putting them out there where they can't hide is the mark of a true friend and someone who cares enough to be honest no matter how much it hurts. For Charlie Gasparino, that time is today. And that friend is Brian Moynihan.

This morning Gasparino woke up, looked at Bank of America's stock price and said enough. ENOUGH. No longer could he stand by and watch his friend make a fool of himself. No longer could he let him go on thinking he was doing a great job. No longer could he let him throw his life away. Sure, Meredith Whitney and a few other analysts have said Brian Moynihan is the "right guy" for the job- why shouldn't they? They're not the ones who have to be there to pick of the pieces when he falls. They're not the ones who get the phone calls from Yesteryear Goodtime Pub to come pick him up and they're not the ones who will have to help him rebuild when he inevitably gets canned and has to start over. Well no more enabling from this guy, Gasparino said to himself. Today he would finally do right by Brian. Today he would tell Brian he's a moron.

If the saga of Bank of America, the country's largest and most troubled bank, were to be made into a movie, its title would have to be "The Dumbest Men in the Room," with a starring cast that features its half-witted chief executive officer Brian Moynihan and his equally half-witted board of directors. All of which wouldn't be so bad if Moynihan and his brain-dead board weren't running a bank with more than $2 trillion in assets and $1 trillion in customer deposits that the federal government (meaning taxpayers) might have to cover some day if Bank of America hits the skids just as it did during the financial crisis of 2008, and as it almost did in the last couple weeks.

A guy without a plan.

Just to recap: BofA's share price was heading to zero as investors came to believe that all the bailout money, the billions upon billions of guarantees and zero-percent borrowing rates the government handed the bank over the past two years wasn't working. That's because on top of everything else, the big bank was facing a new potentially, more devastating liability: untold billions of dollars in losses tied to the sale of faulty mortgages by its Countrywide Financial unit, and Moynihan's inability to come up with a plan to deal with the problem.

Warren Buffett's boy bitch.

The run of the stock appears to have ended last Friday when Warren Buffett pumped $5 billion into BofA in one of the most one-sided deals the market has ever seen (I don't even need to say who got the short end of this stick), and the company began unloading prime assets like a piece of its stake in the China Construction Bank raising billions of dollars more...Will it last? Buffett says he thinks so and he's been saying a lot of nice things about the bank and Moynihan since he announced his big investment. But Buffett's show support should be seen for what it is: a bribe. Under the terms of the deal, he has already made more than $500 million, with many more hundreds of millions to come. His investment isn't even a week old.

A klutz.

Moynihan has been nothing short of a klutz as a leader.

Not qualified to make CG's Myoplex shakes and have them waiting for him in the car.

The bank is being led by possibly the most unqualified CEO in all of corporate America.

And a fuck-up since the day he was born.

Moynihan took over in January 2010 and began screwing up from the start.

Now, don't get Charlie wrong...

I say this not because I dislike Moynihan; I've met him and he's seems like a nice enough guy.

...he loves Brian Moynihan and would do anything for him. Literally. Fuck, you think it doesn't kill him to have to say all this to the guy who (basically) served as best man at his wedding? Who taught his kid how to ride a bike? Who pissed on him after he got stung by 8 different jelly fish that summer at the beach 'cause the Discovery Channel said it'd get rid of the pain? Well it does. It burns him up inside. Hopefully, though, Brian can understand where CG is coming from and hopefully he'd do the same for him.

Who Is The Best Person To Run Bank Of America? [HP]


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