Skip to main content

Confidential To The Treasury: You Can Still Turn This Day Around

  • Author:
  • Updated:

As we mentioned two seconds ago, today is Tim Geithner's birthday, and a big one at that. The Treasury Secretary turns 50, and on a day when he's away from his family, being held against his will, watching the market drive off a cliff, a drop for which he'll probably be blamed, this is what his staff got him:

That's right. In case you thought for a second it was one of those massive cake-sized Crumbs cupcakes "with deliciousness and love baked into every bite," which would befit a man turning 50 who could use a pick me up, the coffee lid is helpfully placed to show scale. The only way we make this okay in our minds is to assume that this is merely a preview. When he leaves his office today, there will be a trail of cupcakes from his desk to his house, where the president of S&P will be flying a plane overhead trailing a sign that says "We're sorry" and the Treasury staff will have a tower of Colosal cupcakes making up one gigando cake, out of which a stripper wearing a John Mack mask pops out and says "You ready to get fucked, Tim?"

Treasury Department Flickr [via Heidi Moore]


Congressman Was This Close To Telling Tim Geithner He Was Cruisin' For A Brusin'

“You can smile and laugh about it all you want,” Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R., Utah) bristled at Mr. Geithner during a House Budget Committee hearing. Mr. Chaffetz then intoned he was getting sick of the Treasury secretary’s “silly little smirk.” To be sure, Mr. Geithner did have a smile on his face during parts of the hearing, particularly when he was interrupted by Republicans on the panel when they didn’t like his answers on deficit reduction. He even spent part of the hearing answering questions with his arms crossed. At one point, he suggested that Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R., Kan.) had an “adolescent perspective” on how the economy worked.

Jack Lew To Be Nominated For Treasury Secretary, Sent To Penmanship School

As you have likely heard, President Obama plans to put Tim Geithner out of his misery tomorrow by nominating Jack Lew for Treasury Secretary. Lew is known for being Obama's White House Chief of Staff and also for having an absurd signature. And not like chicken scratch illegible-absurd, like not resembling anything in the alphabet, might as well have drawn an illustration of two alpacas fornicating/signed his name Mariah Carey absurd. And, should he be confirmed and subsequently have his name printed on a bunch of dollar bills, Lew will likely be forced to come up with something that actually looks like it spells "Jacob Lew" as opposed to what is he is currently signing receipts and important documents with, i.e. this: