Happy Birthday, Tim Geithner!

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That's right, ladies, today we celebrate the moment Timothy Franz Geithner entered this world. And it's not just any old birthday but the big 5-0, meaning we need to do something to make it special.

Tim, as you may recall, was hoping to spend this year's birthday at home, but Joe Biden had other plans in mind and hid the keys to his car. So he's stuck there and it would be really nice if we could let him know we care, in the form of gifts. If you're stumped for ideas, knowing that he loves lettuce, you could messenger over some arugula if you're a cheap fuck. A new wetsuit for use on his next day off would be thoughtful. You could gain entry to the White House pretending to be a waiter and then smuggle him through the kitchen and BUST HIM THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. Or maybe you could just see fit to make sure his b-day dinner isn't ruined like Obama's?

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Congressman Was This Close To Telling Tim Geithner He Was Cruisin' For A Brusin'

“You can smile and laugh about it all you want,” Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R., Utah) bristled at Mr. Geithner during a House Budget Committee hearing. Mr. Chaffetz then intoned he was getting sick of the Treasury secretary’s “silly little smirk.” To be sure, Mr. Geithner did have a smile on his face during parts of the hearing, particularly when he was interrupted by Republicans on the panel when they didn’t like his answers on deficit reduction. He even spent part of the hearing answering questions with his arms crossed. At one point, he suggested that Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R., Kan.) had an “adolescent perspective” on how the economy worked.