That's right, ladies, today we celebrate the moment Timothy Franz Geithner entered this world. And it's not just any old birthday but the big 5-0, meaning we need to do something to make it special.

Tim, as you may recall, was hoping to spend this year's birthday at home, but Joe Biden had other plans in mind and hid the keys to his car. So he's stuck there and it would be really nice if we could let him know we care, in the form of gifts. If you're stumped for ideas, knowing that he loves lettuce, you could messenger over some arugula if you're a cheap fuck. A new wetsuit for use on his next day off would be thoughtful. You could gain entry to the White House pretending to be a waiter and then smuggle him through the kitchen and BUST HIM THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. Or maybe you could just see fit to make sure his b-day dinner isn't ruined like Obama's?