TSF Is Back

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Wall Street is set to cut over 100,000 financial services employees by the end of the year. The Dow dropped 521 points today. Harbinger Capital Partners muse Wilbur Falcone was just dealt a horrible blow. While some of you may think we get off on writing about Wall Street getting its teeth knocked out, in truth, it’s really just as much a buzz kill for us as it is for those taking it up the tailpipe. So we’ve decided to do something about it, in an admittedly self-serving effort to cheer ourselves up (it’s strange, but making you feel good makes us feel good). And here’s what it is: WE’RE BRINGING BACK THE SANDWICH FAIRY.
For those of you who need a refresher, TSF was introduced decades ago (actual time: April ’08), after a hero named Oyster Boy successfully downed 244 oysters in one hour at Ulysses (we started by sending OB a congratulatory cheesesteak from Delmonico’s and from there it escalated into sending lunch to any old financial services hack each week). After a good run (and the sandwich welfare program fell by the wayside) we put it into retirement.

But now feels like as good at time as ever as to bring that shit back. Know someone who you think deserves a visit from The Sandwich Fairy? Send your nominations to tips at dealbreaker dot com. We’ll start tomorrow and do this weekly through Labor Day, perhaps through the year if your play your cards right. (Please be advised that TSF will come bearing food from whatever establishment you'd like so long as it delivers and accepts American Express. For the neophytes among us, do us all a favor and review TSF Guidelines.)

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Bill Gross's Mustache Is Never Coming Back

Has there ever been a person in your life you didn't realize how much meant to you 'til they were gone? Who you would have treated better if you'd known your final day with was your last? Who you would have begged to stay? Who you assumed would be back eventually but as the weeks, months, and years crept on forced you to come to the hard realization that the next and only time you'd see them would be in your dreams, because they were never coming back? Whose permanent absence, once finally accepted it, hit you like a ton of bricks? Then you know how people involved with Bill Gross's Mustache feel today. Once a daily presence on the PIMCO manager's face, the BGM went away for a while but it was assumed not for good because how could that be? Why would that be? It felt impossible. Then this happened: Bloomberg's Tom Keene: When does the mustache come back? Gross: Never. My wife has finally adjusted, so it's not coming back. If you never got to say a proper good-bye, if you would have done things differently, if you feel like the wind's been knocked out of you, if you can't bear the thought of being alone tonight, join us as we light a candle in memoriam. Bill Gross's mustache in deep contemplation Bill Gross's mustache in an insane asylum Bill Gross's mustache mustache so stoned it can't feel its face Bill Gross's angry mustache! Bill Gross's suicidal mustache Bill Gross's mustache undressing you with its mind ... Pimco's Gross on Financial Repression, ETF, Greece [Bloomberg]

Bloomberg: How Wall Street's Stomachs Fared During The Hurricane

...when Falcone and five LightSquared colleagues met over a meal of white-truffle pasta and Barolo at a Washington restaurant in January, they failed to come up with anything they could have done differently, according to a person who was there who asked not to be identified because the meeting was private.-- Falcone Waits For Icahn Doubling Down On Network When JPMorgan, which earned the most of any of the six banks over the four quarters, decided to thank employees for their performance this year, it sent 161,680 individually wrapped buttercream-frosted, chocolate chip, oatmeal-raisin and sugar cookies to retail branches and call centers in the U.S., U.K., Philippines and India.-- No Joy On Wall Street As Biggest Banks Earn $63 Billion Cooperman, 68, said in an interview that he can’t walk through the dining room of St. Andrews Country Club in Boca Raton, Florida, without being thanked for speaking up. At least four people expressed their gratitude on Dec. 5 while he was eating an egg-white omelet, he said.--Bankers Join Billionaires To Debunk 'Imbecile' Attack On Top 1% American International Group Chief Executive Officer Robert Benmosche, 66, a Kappa Beta Phi member who disclosed in October that he was undergoing treatment for cancer, was there. He looked energetic, the two attendees said. In 1930, the dinner was beefsteak. This year, the meal featured lobster salad, shrimp, pigs-in-a-blanket, lamb chops and pistachio ice cream.-- Wall Street Secret Society Kappa Beta Phi Adds Dealmakers With Lehman Rite Wall Street headhunter Daniel Arbeeny said his “income has gone down tremendously.” On a recent Sunday, he drove to Fairway Market in the Red Hook section of Brooklyn to buy discounted salmon for $5.99 a pound.--Wall Street Bonus Withdrawal Means Trading Aspen For Coupons The clam-juice cocktails at the private Stock Exchange Luncheon Club, where brokers lined up three deep at the raw bar, contained tomato juice, cooled water from boiled chowder clams, ketchup, celery salt and the option of a freshly shucked clam. Add vodka and they called it a Red Snapper.--How America Ceded Capitalism's Bastion To German Boerse Seizing Big Board As someone once said, you can find out a lot about a man or woman's character during moments of great crisis. Do they fall apart? Do they become shells of their former selves? Do the worst parts of them come out? Do they turn their backs on everything they supposedly once stood for? Or do they, even in moments of darkness, rise to the occasion and demonstrate the morals and values they held when times were good are the very same ones they choose to live by when times are bad? For Bloomberg News reporter Max Abelson, Hurricane Sandy was a test. Would he turn in an article containing few if any reference to the food people consumed during the natural disaster? Or would his commitment to bringing readers exhaustive details re: what his Wall Street subjects eat (see above, here, and here) burn ever bright, to the extent that sources and interviewees elaborating on their situation beyond provisions would find themselves cut off and told, "Just the food and drink, toots. I got a lotta calls to make"? Luckily for us, it was the latter. Herewith, an accounting of things stuffed down the gullets of Wall Street over the last two days: * Murry Stegelmann, Kilimanjaro Advisors: expensive wine, green tea. “I had to go to the wine cellar and find a good bottle of wine and drink it before it goes bad,” Murry Stegelmann, 50, a founder of investment-management firm Kilimanjaro Advisors LLC, wrote in an e-mail after he lost power at 6 p.m. on Oct. 29 in Darien, Connecticut. The bottle he chose, a 2005 Chateau Margaux, was given 98 points by wine critic Robert Parker and is on sale at the Westchester Wine Warehouse for $999.99. “Outstanding,” Stegelmann said. He started the day with green tea at Starbucks, talking with neighbors about the New York Yankees’ future and moving boats to the parking lot of Darien’s Middlesex Middle School. * Wilson Ervin, Credit Suisse: the most depressing breakfast ever. Erin...went to the bank’s office at 11 Madison Ave. afterward to work on evaluations of managing directors and financial regulation. He ate a lunch of Raisin Bran, coffee and a banana from the 7-Eleven downstairs, he said. * Pablo Salame, Goldman Sachs: sushi, the piece of which Abelson or his research assistant counted. He posted a picture of 21 pieces of sushi on a Twitter account in his name on Oct. 29. “Only in NYC, Seamless Sandy sushi delivery in TriBeCa, Monday 730 pm,” the post said. * Wilbur Ross, WL Ross And Co: a painting. “I was scheduled to come back Sunday night, and I decided not to, because everything during the week would be canceled anyway,” said Ross, chairman of private-equity firm WL Ross & Co. “I’m stuck in Palm Beach.” He stayed in touch with colleagues using a fax machine along with phone and e-mail. His Florida home includes a painting by Rene Magritte of petrified blue apples, an image that is also depicted on a custom-made Van Cleef & Arpels watch he owns, he told Bloomberg News this year. * JPMorgan employees: many of the culinary delights its cafeteria offers on a regular basis but NO DUMPLINGS. JPMorgan, which sent out more than a dozen hurricane updates to its employees featuring detailed weather maps, kept parts of its 270 Park Ave. cafeteria open yesterday. Danishes and scones were available near the salad bar, and the bank’s deli had sandwiches with grilled vegetables. The dumpling bar was closed. Wall Street Finds Sandy Silver Lining In Wine, Monopoly [Bloomberg] Related: Things People Have Eaten in the Presence of Bloomberg Reporter Max Abelson [Daily Intel]

Come Between Andrew Ross Sorkin And His Pita Chips, Take Your Life Into Your Own Hands

It's often been said, in profiles, conversations, and the like, that Andrew Ross Sorkin is the hardest working man in America, juggling several  jobs at any given time. Up until now, the ones we knew about were 1) Dealbook editor 2) Squawk Box host and 3) author. Today we've learned of yet another title he holds: (self-described) Human Garbage Disposal. "If food is in front of me, I have to eat it," Sorkin told Grub Street, while taking part in its "New York Diet" series, an accounting of one person's food intake over a given week. From March 2 to March 7 we get to see ARS's appetite in action, destroying everything in its wake. Yogurt (Fage peach), his children's chicken nuggets, Chinese food, coffee ice-cream, tomato soup, mushroom soup, peanut butter brownies, turkey sandwiches, margaritas, Red Bull, oysters, Muscle Milk, pretzels, steak, salmon, Chirpin' Chicken, sweet-potato fries. It's actually quite mesmerizing. And that's just what he consumes for sustenance. Here's what he goes weak in the knees for. Anything that came out of a deep-fryer: "...we ended up at Five Points where I had two spicy margaritas and ruined [my] workout within in twenty minutes. I also had a spinach salad, rockfish, and a chocolate brioche bread pudding and apple crisp to die for. Give me anything baked or fried and ... forget it. Donuts, Glazed: "All is well in the world, until someone brings Dunkin' Donuts to theTimes office. No will power around glazed doughnuts. I could eat a whole table of them. They're classic and timeless, without being too sugary and complicated." Bread pudding, which he'll eat off the plate of a source: "In between MSNBC and the Times, I went to lunch with two venture capitalists at Michael's. Their choice, not mine. I like it there because that's how people know you haven't died yet. Ate salmon with mustard and sorbet for dessert. Okay, the venture capitalists offered me some bread pudding, and I got all in on that, too." His Stacey's Pita Chips. Do not get him started.: "Now I really go off the rails at home. It starts with a glass of red wine and half a bag of Stacey Chips. Then I eat more, but with hummus. They're the greatest chips in the history of all chips. When I was writing my book three years ago, I'd go to a bodega at eleven o'clock at night for a liter of Diet Coke, a couple beers, and my Stacey Chips." Andrew Ross Sorkin Will Eat Anything You Feed Him, Especially If It Is Baked or Fried [Grub Street]