From time to time around these parts, we like to canvas the world outside Wall Street to see how they deal with certain issues, particularly those related to crisis management. Often times, there are helpful tips to be borrowed and applied to any pre or post Code Red office situations in which you might find yourselves. For instance, thinking about taking a few minutes to evaluate the attractiveness of your co-workers to the guy or girl who sits next to you? Consider not doing it over the PA system, into a bullhorn, or near a recording device. Love to upload home videos of yourself sucking on a partners' toes to the internet but value your privacy and/or have a board to answer to that doesn't want to read about your personal life in the press? Rather than telling the press "this is a personal matter," don't return their calls. And in the future, consider 1) investing in one of those machines they use to throw voices (like in Scream) and 2) not letting your face appear on camera or, alternatively, have a mask created in your sworn enemy’s likeness to wear while you are filmed using jello molds in a way they were definitely not intended. Do or say some stuff in public that makes you sound a little nuts, that 10 years ago no one would've cared about but in this killjoy day and age would get a lot of panties in a lot of bunches? Lay low for a while and later, if asked about it later by some pissant reporters, tell them you really can't recall if you told someone "If I could, I'd take this fucking ball and shove it down your fucking throat."
Today, Williams returned to Flushing Meadows to play in the US Open for the first time since '09, when she lost to Kim Clijsters in the semifinals and was eventually fined $82,500. Naturally, a reporter wanted to know if she'd reflected upon that outburst upon her return. First, she pretended to need a reminder ("You mean in the singles or doubles?"); then she got characteristically glib:
Serena: I don't know, I just remember I lost, and that was that. And then, I got really popular; a lot of people were telling me, 'Oh, it was super cool," [laughs] and that they'd never seen me so intense. So, yeah, it was awesome.
Reporter: Did you learn anything from that episode, and if so, what did you learn?
Serena: Um, I don't know, I don't think about it. Are you still thinking about it? Oh my god, that was like, two years ago. This is like, two years later.
Bit a colleagues ear off "Mike Tyson-style" during a team dinner? Stored a whiteboard marker in an underling's ass? Tried to bring a sense of style and a class to your office with a pair of George IV chairs and parchment waste cans most firms woud kill for? Not that you can recall, no.