Facebook 'Friends' Find Unimaginably Cruel Way To Kick Kweku Adoboli When He's Down

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As the users of Mark Zuckerberg's poking machine among us can attest, there are many things you can expect from your Facebook friends. You can expect that they'll keep you abreast of every insignificant moment of their entire lives. You can expect that they'll post public affirmations about being "stronger than this" following a break-up or a shitty lunch. You can expect that, when taking a trip, they'll let you know the flight number, when they're on the way to the airport, going through security, sitting at the gate**, waiting to take off, defying the request to power down their phone, losing said battle, touching down on the runway, waiting for their bags and still thinking about the person across the aisle who gave them a weird vibe. You can expect that they'll upload countless photos of their trip with at least one set devoted to posing (alone) on the beach like they're shooting the god damn Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, having forced their travel companion to play photog. You can expect that they'll assume you want to be friends with their household pet. You can expect that they'll ask you to send positive thoughts into the universe when said pet when it comes down with a common cold.

As a card-carrying member of Facebook, UBS trader Kweku Adoboli was aware of the social contract one enters when becoming friends with people on the 'book and held up his end of the bargain, dutifully 'liking' the status messages of friends forced to sit through 30-minute delays at Heathrow and keeping his fingers crossed that Mr. Fluffernutterbigglesworthjosecanseconiner would recover soon. Which is why it must have stung pretty badly when, after all he's done for his so-called friends, they couldn't toss him one bone and help him out of a tight spot.

As Switzerland’s central bank imposed a limit on the franc’s appreciation against the euro on Sept. 6, UBS AG trader Kweku Adoboli’s Facebook profile had a plea for his friends: “Need a miracle.”

As you probably all know, no miracle came. Would it have killed these people, who have spent years enjoying profile pictures like the one above to have created some kind of a diversion or prayed for him or, at the very least, taken the other side of his trades? Apparently, in their minds, it would have. Well, here's a status update for you assholes: once Kweku gets out of this, consider yourselves unfriended.

If that seems harsh- good. That's how it was meant to sound. You all have blood on your hands.

UBS Gets No Miracles As Losses Lead To Arrest [Bloomberg]

**And which one, natch.

Related

Kweku Adoboli Is A Free Man!

Kind of! Though he doesn't go to trial until September, the UBS's rogue trader was granted bail after ten months in jail and a February denial to go home. Naturally, he's pretty pleased about the turn of events (which allow for sleepovers). Mr. Adoboli, 32, has to stick to a curfew but can stay at a friend’s house wearing an electronic tag as part of the bail agreement. Tim Harris, Mr. Adoboli’s lawyer at Bark & Company, said his client was “delighted” and would like to thank family and friends for their support in achieving his release. Mr. Adoboli is expected to be released from London’s Wandsworth prison as early as Monday, Mr. Harris said. Mr. Adoboli had pleaded not guilty to counts of false accounting and fraud. He was arrested in September after UBS alerted the police. The bank claimed that Mr. Adoboli had masked the billion dollar losses from internal controls with fictitious trades. Mr. Adoboli has remained in custody ever since his arrest. The trading scandal rocked the Swiss bank and led to the resignation of its chief executive, Oswald J. Grübel. Denying Mr. Adoboli bail in February, the judge said that the allegations against the former trader were “serious” and “backed up with cogent evidence.” Former UBS Trader Is Granted Bail [Dealbook]