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Bernie Madoff Couldn't Be Happier Behind Bars

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Maybe, you thought, Bernie Madoff wouldn't like prison. Maybe, you thought, after a life of luxury, living in an 8X10 would cramp his style. Maybe, you thought, that he'd have trouble earning 14 cents an hour sweeping the floors, after spending several decades 'earning' millions making fake trades. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn't take to an environment wherein taking your pants off means open season on your ass, after coming from a work environment where nobody blinked an eye when he regularly "dropped his trou in the office to ensure that the line of his shirt buttons was precisely vertical," without the slightest threat of attack. Maybe, you thought, he'd be home sick. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn't make any friends. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn't get picked by any fraternities during rush. Well, you couldn't be anymore wrong. Not only is Berns quickly adjusting and joining all sorts of groups, but he's having the time of his life.

They call me either Uncle Bernie or Mr. Madoff,” Bernie wrote his daughter-in-law -- who had written him, expecting to hear about his suffering. Instead, Madoff told her: “I can’t walk anywhere without someone shouting their greetings and encouragement, to keep my spirit up. It’s really quite sweet, how concerned everyone is about my well-being, including the staff…Madoff told her he was “pumping iron, and had plenty of recreational classes to choose from.” He compared prison to a college campus, with “lovely lawns and trees” and said other inmates treat him with respect and admiration.

Anyway, he'd love to chat more but Ultimate Frisbee practice starts in 5 and he's gotta shotgun a few beers first. Catch you later.

Madoff 'Loves' Jail [NYP]