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Thirty Months From Now, Danielle Chiesi Could Be Working You For Stock Tips While She Works On Your Cuticles

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This afternoon, Danielle Chiesi will report to a West Virginia prison for a 30-month stay, for her role in the Galleon insider trading case, wherein she passed valuable tips on to Raj Rajaratnam after the tech execs she worked closely with passed her a few of their own. Chiesi will be bunking at Federal Prison Camp Alderson (former home of Martha Stewart, where "women hide sugar packets and crackers in their socks and conceal larger items like eggs under their shirts"), and while Bloomberg reports that the former beauty queen/Newscastle analyst won't be living alongside 'sadistic crack-selling lesbian rapists' ("It’s more college campus than Chained Heat, the 1983 exploitation film about women in jail" we're assured), there may still be a few aspects of prison life about which D-Chi ("they give each other nicknames," says one former resident) will be less than thrilled. Such as:

The no cleave or red fishnets rule.

Chiesi, a former teenage beauty queen who would show up at technology conferences wearing form-fitting clothes and low-cut tops, will have to make do with a uniform of khaki pants and shirt and steel-toe boots during her stay. The only other clothes allowed -- pajamas, sneakers and athletic clothes like sweatshirts, shorts and t-shirts -- can be bought in the commissary.

The godawful tan lines.

Prisoners are required to wear bras and underwear except when sleeping or showering. They can sunbathe on the lawn during their leisure time, but must wear mid-thigh length shorts and cannot apply tanning lotion to one another. They can’t roll up sleeves of their t-shirts.

The carbs.

The meals, primarily chicken-based, are heavy on the starch and light on the vegetables.

The fact that she may very likely suffer a beat down on weekend one as a result of striking up an innocent conversation with the wrong gal.

Conjugal visits are prohibited...[and] touching among inmates is not allowed, though Myers and the other former inmate say that sexual relationships do take place. Most of the fights that the unnamed prisoner saw were caused by jealous friends or lovers, including one incident when an inmate threw hot coffee at another woman.

Having said that, there are some pluses to this working vacation, like the aforementioned opportunity for a street name, as well as the chance to try her hand at a new line of work.

Inmates can also apply for limited spots in vocational classes where they can be trained as welders, electricians or cosmetologists -- the most sought-after option.

So, not all bad.

Ex-Trader Chiesi Enters 'Camp Cupcake' Prison [Bloomberg]