$$$ ECB thinks the unthinkable, action likely weeks away [Reuters] $$$ Private equity assets hit record $3tn [FT] $$$ Economy Tests Harvard [WSJ] $$$ Guy seeks attention by pretending he manipulated Libor [Boston Review, related] $$$ Chivalry On Sinking Ships Only A Myth, Researchers Find [Bloomberg] $$$ Macquarie Research is looking for a REIT research associate in New York [DBCC] $$$ A Berlusconi Comeback Is Last Thing Italy Needs [Bloomberg] $$$ Here you will find a Fox Business segment on The Decathlon featuring an NBA vs. Wall Street vertical jump contest [FBN] $$$ Here you will find an argument for replacing the uncomfortable business metaphor "opening the kimono" with "putting a ruler to the dick" [Mathbabe] $$$ "Many scientists don’t like to talk about shark sex," but some do [LRB]

$$$ Tables turn on Spain with pressure to seek bailout [Reuters] $$$ Maybe David Viniar will be Goldman's chairman when Lloyd retires and Gary is CEO? [WSJ] $$$ "The study found that for a sample of modifications to securitized subprime mortgages, a 10 percent reduction in the monthly payment was associated with a 4.5 percentage point reduction in the twelve-month redefault rate." [New York Fed] $$$ "If Apple continues on its current trajectory, something remarkable might happen on April 9, 2015, at around 11 a.m. That is, statisticians and investors I've spoken with say, a conservative estimate of when Apple could become the first company ever to be valued at $1 trillion." [NYT!] $$$ Welcome to the world Quartz! [Qz] $$$ "To call the Berenstains anthropomorphized bears insults both humans and bears." [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ Credit Suisse is looking for a research analyst for commodity strategies in asset management in New York [DBCC] $$$ U.S. Corporate Bond Tally Could Top $100 Billion in September [WSJ] $$$ Meredith Whitney is still pretty sure banks will fire a lot of people [CNBC] $$$ William Cohan confuses himself horribly about Whaledemort [Bloomberg] $$$ Mario Batali is paying $1.15mm to Del Posto employees to settle a lawsuit over wages, tips, overtime and discrimination [Diner's Journal] $$$ Hillary Clinton Aide Tells Reporter To “Fuck Off” And “Have A Good Life” [BF] $$$ Mitt Romney Doesn’t Get Why Airplane Windows Don’t Open [DI]

$$$ Fed Extends Twist, Signals Concerns [WSJ] $$$ Reasons to be sad about the Fed [Tim Duy] $$$ Berlusconi Casts Doubt on Austerity Plan [WSJ] $$$ Rompuy Blueprint Said To Include Options On Debt, Bank Oversight [Bloomberg] $$$ Standstills in Change of Control Transactions [HLS] $$$ With all words from Greek, Roman, Norse, etc. myths already taken, Peter Thiel named a fund after a metal from The Lord of the Rings [DI] $$$ A leading New York hedge fund is looking for a general counsel - could it be you? [DBCC] $$$ Regulators Back Off Tougher Curbs on Oil [WSJ] $$$ Ex-Orioles player Eddie Murray is part of insider trading inquiry [Reuters] $$$ The Mormon Madoff: How Shawn Merriman Scammed Millions $$$ NYSE CEO: Public Has Lost Trust inMarket [WSJ] $$$ Madam still stuck at Rikers [NYP]

$$$ J.P. Morgan Suspends Share Buyback [WSJ] $$$ Bank of America's CEO 'Comfortable' With Investments [CNBC] $$$ Gupta ‘Threw Away His Duties,’ Prosecutor Says In Opening [Bloomberg] $$$ France, Germany Fail to Resolve Differences Over Euro Bonds [WSJ] $$$ U.S. lets China bypass Wall Street for Treasury orders [Reuters] $$$ MF Global's Corzine Got More Than $8 Million in Year Before Collapse [WSJ] $$$ S&P is looking for an associate to rate media and entertainment companies in Chicago - interested? [DBCC] $$$ "On average, for every additional 1% a company returned to shareholders between 2009 and 2011, the CEO was paid 0.6% more last year, the analysis found. For every 1% decline in shareholder return, the CEO was paid 0.6% less. ... In 2010, there was no correlation; for every 1% decrease in shareholder return, the average CEO was paid 0.02% more." [WSJ]$$$ Enron Ex-CEO Seeks Retrial On ‘New Evidence,’ Lawyer Says [Bloomberg] $$$ SEC move set to boost covered bonds in US [FT] $$$ With New Firepower, S.E.C. Tracks Bigger Game [DealBook] $$$ The New York Times printed a giant Gretchen Morgenson story about insider trading except there was no insider trading [Reuters / Felix Salmon, also Reformed Broker] $$$ Taxi Panel May Raise Fares Up to 20% [NYT] $$$ Gal claims she was 'too hot' to work in lingerie shop, forced to wear robe before getting boot: suit [NYP]

$$$ Clogged Credit Weighs on Fed Policy Makers [WSJ] $$$ Ex-Expert Network Consultant Pleads Guilty in Insider Case [WSJ] $$$ TCI is trying to guilt the FSA into forcing Lloyds to redeem TCI's holdings of Lloyds contingent capital bonds at above-market prices [FT] $$$ Homeowner Aid Boosts Big Banks [WSJ] $$$ World's population is 17 million tons overweight [MSNBC] $$$ Do you have plans on July 17? Do you fancy yourself a poker player? A really good poker player? Do you think you could beat David Einhorn, even if he’s working the table like it's Lehman Brothers circa 2007/2008? Do you think it would not be so awkward that the two of you could then enjoy a meal together and talk shop after which he picks up the tab? If David's not your thing, do you think you could envision yourself in the same scenario but with Bill Ackman? If you answered yes to most of the above and also consider yourself a fan of humanity, helping others and all that jazz, you should most definitely clear your schedule next Wednesday and sign up for a World Poker Tournament benefiting the Rewarding Achievement (REACH) program, which was co-founded by Bill Ackman and Whitney Tilson and gives inner-city high school students academic support and scholarships for passing AP exams. The event is taking place at Gotham Hall in New York and Einhorn (your competition) will be playing, as will Ackman and Tilson. Prizes for winners include the aforementioned meal (a lunch), with Bill, David or Seth Klarman, five nights at a “world-class private beach home in Lamu, Kenya,” a private poker lesson with 2011 WSOP bracelet winner and 2011 WPT Player of the Year, Andy Frankenberger and more. Alternatively, if you’re not one for cards but still want to help kids, you can also just register for the cocktail hour. $$$ Would you be interested in a job as a credit team director at a distressed-focused private equity firm in New York? What if I told you it's at Patriarch Partners? [DBCC, also available] $$$ Likelihood of Grexit Still 50-75%: Citi [CNBC] $$$ Alvarez Says Fed Hasn’t Seen Other JPMorgan Risk Problems [Bloomberg] $$$ Millionaire Parents Say Their Kids Are Unfit to Inherit [CNBC] $$$ New Jersey Man Allegedly Calls 911 From His Pillow Fort, Demands To Speak To Tim Tebow [DeadSpin]

$$$ Fed Sees Action if Growth Doesn't Pick Up Soon [WSJ] $$$ Greece will need more debt restructuring - EU officials [Reuters] $$$ Outlook Cut Could Stiffen Berlin's Opposition to Aid [Der Spiegel] $$$ Apple Falls Short Of Analysts’ Expectations Amid IPhone Slump [Bloomberg] $$$ Loeb Buys More Yahoo Shares for $39.5 Million [CNBC] $$$ Plane towing "Will You Marry Me?" banner crashes off RI [CBS] $$$ Nomura is looking for an operations associate in New York, if you're interested [DBCC] $$$ Bond Trading Loses Some Swagger Amid Upheaval [NYT] $$$ Bridgewater Sees ‘Dangerous Dynamic’ As Largest Economies Slow [Bloomberg] $$$ Google agrees EU antitrust deal outline [FT] $$$ 'Hockey mom madam's' partner files papers to have case dismissed [NYP] $$$ Sometimes one subway train leaves before the other subway train; other times, the other subway train leaves first [City Room]