Jon Corzine Will Have You Know That Each Time A Door Closes, A Bigger, More Fucking Awesome One Opens

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As you may have heard, early this morning, Jon Corzine resigned from MF Global. According to the former Goldman Sachs CEO/US Senator/Governor of New Jersey, the decision to walk away from the brokerage firm was not easy to make and he remains on call to "continue to assist the company and its board in their efforts to respond to regulatory inquiries and issues related to the disposition of the firm's assets." What Corzine is doing right now, at this exact moment, remains a mystery, as does his location, which some people are none too happy about. CNBC, for example, has reporters staked out at all three of Corzine's residences (Hoboken, Manhattan, Long Island) and are vowing not to leave until he emerges to cough up some answers. While we're not yet prepared to haul him into our interrogation room and "do this the easy way or the hard way," we, too, have a few questions. Such as:

- Has he thought about getting a jump start on perfecting his world famous cranberry walnut stuffing?

- Will he reveal his plans to take gold in rhythmic gymnastics next summer in London?

- Is he planning to run for office?

- Will he shave his beard?

- Has given any more thought to Occupying David Tepper's lot?

- Is he considering suing the photographers who only captured 85% of his wedding last year?

- Has he shot a text to Lloyd to see if he can get his old job back?

- Will he start decoupaging again?

- Has he begun angling to become an outside advisor to Jefferies?

- Will make good on years old promise to go pheasant hunting in Hank Paulson's back yard?

- Has he weighed the option of laying low working as a night janitor at MIT?

- Will he put the fat jokes that were never used on Christie to use at the Laugh Factory's next open mic night?

- Is he actively scouting for other small, fledgling companies in need of leadership?

We're waiting.

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