Maybe If The Elves In Fixed Income Hadn't Bailed Out Of Treasuries Earlier In The Year, We Wouldn't Be Having These Tough Discussions


Are you an investment bank managing director whose underlings' bonuses will be down 40 percent this year? Are you a hedge fund manager in the midst of quite the rough patch, whose traders' take-homes won't likely please them? Are you hoping to outsource the awkward preliminary bonus chats? Might we suggestion giving these guys a call, or at the very least, using their lines?

The largest Santa school in the U.S. has been advising its students on how to lower children's expectations in the economic downturn. When confronted with a huge list of 'I wants', Santas are being told to tell them that they can't have everything. They should also take a look at the children's parents and 'size them up' before promising them something that their mother and father can't afford. The measures are part of the new syllabus at the Charles W. Howard Santa Claus School in Midland, Michigan, the New York Times reported. Fred Honerkamp, a Santa graduate who also lectures at the school, said that he had come up with his own story of an errant elf to in the North Pole explain why children can't have everything. He said: 'It's hard to watch sometimes because the children are like little barometers, mirrors on what the country has been through. 'In the end, Santas have to be sure to never promise anything.' Santa student Tom Ruperd said that he tends to guide children towards more realistic gifts and tells them that 'Santa's been cutting back too'.

Store Santa Clauses taught to size up recession-hit parents' wealth and manage children's gift expectations [DM]


Layoffs Watch '16: Banks Committing Elder Abuse In Fixed Income

If you're over the age of 30...get ready to pack up your belongings.