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December 2, 2021
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Find Yourself On The Wrong Side Of The SEC? We Suggest You Dial This Guy

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As some of you may recall, back in June we informally crowned Raj Rajaratnam's attorney John Dowd lawyer of the year. Dowd responded to what he deemed an unfair article in the Wall Street Journal by telling the reporter "This is the worst piece of whoring journalism I have read in a long time," asking "How long are you going to suck [U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York] Preet’s teat?" and concluding thusly "Preet is scared shitless he is going to lose this case so he feeds his whores at the WSJ. What a disgrace for an otherwise great paper." He told CNBC "Get the fuck out of here. That's what I've got for CNBC" when asked if he wanted to give a comment. And on the steps of the courthouse, he declared the Raj guilty verdict a "23-14" victory for the defense. If anyone was to find themselves in some kind of legal trouble, be it of the insider trading variety or otherwise, he was the guy you wanted in your corner. Unfortunately, according to Dowd, the Galleon case was his last. And he's truly not to be coaxed out of retirement, we'd like to suggest an alternative for your go-to legal counsel. He may not be versed in securities laws, but he's got the fire inside him.

The latest mishap in Jerry Sandusky's defense trial occurred Tuesday when lawyer Joe Amendola told reporters to call "1-800-REALITY," in what is actually a gay pornography phone line. Amendola told reporters that if they believe Penn State assistant coach Mike McQueary's account of an alleged rape in 2002, then "I suggest you dial 1-800-REALITY," according to Deadspin. The International Business Times decided to call the phone number at Amendola's suggestion, and the phone line turned out to be a gay porn sex hotline. When calling the number (we'd suggest not doing so at work) you get this response: "Hey guys, welcome to the hottest place for triple-X action. Get ready for bulging, bursting pleasure with horny gay, bi, and bi-curious studs. Just 99 cents per minute."

No further questions.

Sandusky’s Lawyer: If You Believe Witness, "I Suggest You Dial 1-800-REALITY." That’s A Gay Phone Sex Line. [Deadspin]
Sandusky Trial: Lawyer Says Call Gay Porn Hotline [IBT]

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Convicted Insider Trader Matthew Kluger "Shocked" To Find Out He Couldn't Trust The Guys With Whom He Was Committing Federal Crimes

Remember Matthew Kluger? To recap, he's the mergers and acquisitions lawyer who spent two decades feeding inside information to convicted insider trader Garrett Bauer, that he picked up from partners at the six different law firms he worked at over the years. The operation, which included Kenneth Robinson, an old friend of Kluger who acted as the tips mule between MK and GB, went very smoothly for a very long time (17 years), and would have continued going smoothly had Robinson stuck with the plan instead of deciding to start making the same trades as Bauer, raising suspicion with SEC, which was watching the men and used "relationship analysis" to determine they were "part of the same trading scheme and had a common source: Kluger." In March 2011, federal agents showed up to Robinson's house and after thinking it over for a couple days, he decided to cooperate by giving prosecutors a step-by-step guide to how the scam operated, telling them Kluger's name, and recording conversations with Kluger and Bauer in which the two said things like "I went right up to my apartment and I broke the phone in half and went to McDonald's and put it in two different garbage cans" and "I can't sleep. I can't sleep. I'm waiting for the FBI to ride into my apartment" and "We have to get all the fingerprints off that money. Like you wearing gloves or something and wiping every bill down or something" and "There is no way [these cell phone conversations] could ever be recorded." Robinson was ultimately sentenced to 27 months in prison, Bauer got nine years (despite his 147 speeches about how insider trading is a bad idea on the college lecture), and Kluger was handed 12 years, beating Raj Rajaratnam for "the longest insider trading U.S. history." Recently, Kluger sat down with Bloomberg to offer a few more specifics re: how the scheme went down ("Sometimes it was a deal I was working on, sometimes it was a deal I heard being discussed in the office"; "I would call Ken and say 'X/Y/Z company is considering a takeover of Q company") but what he really wants to talk about? What was the biggest surprise and hardest punch to the gut in all of this? Is what it was like finding out that his buddies were stiffing him on cuts of their ill-gotten gains. "On the day I was arrested, when they showed me the criminal complaint against me, finally that day, I saw the amounts that had been traded and I was absolutely shocked. Our agreement from the beginning was always that that profits were being shared equally three ways. I felt very used and manipulated, that he was basically pumping me for information, that he was then lying to me about how he was using and then allowing his obviously better friend to make millions and millions of dollars while telling me that that was not happening. “Maybe you want to laugh and say of course there’s no honor among thieves,” Kluger added. “But even when you’re doing something you’re not supposed to do, I trusted that they were honoring the commitments that they had made.” You can imagine Kluge's utter dismay to find out that such was not the case. It's one thing to get nailed for insider trading, it's another to find out you could've been making 10 times the profits while doing so.

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