Write-Offs: 01.19.12

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Updated:: Jan 14, 2019
Original:: Jan 19, 2012

$$$Google's results fall short, rare miss pummels shares [Reuters]

$$$Hedge-Fund Investors Pull Cash [WSJ]

$$$Credit Suisse wins $7bn AIG securities auction [FT]

$$$ Actually several desks at Goldman bathe ritually in blood before their morning call. Matt Taibbi knows this. [Daily Intel, cf. John Carney/NetNet]

$$$ Only half of college lacrosse players smoke pot [Bloomberg via Deadspin]

$$$Click here to buy tickets to a Jay-Z show at Carnegie Hall (including premium seats and boxes, which include additional access and perks, including pre- and post-show receptions and access to the after party at the 40/40 Club) that benefits the United Way of New York City and the Shawn Carter Scholarship Foundation.

$$$Is the Porn Industry Imperiled? [CNBC]

$$$SocGen, BNP Job Cuts Reflect Wilting Ambitions of Paris Banks [Bloomberg]

$$$ More things Mitt Romney invented [WSJ, earlier, also earlier]

$$$ Like private equity partners, junior law firm associates sometimes retrade [NetNet]

$$$ Everyone has a favorite strange Bloomberg headline. "George Washington Wine Cooler Sells for $782,500 at Christie’s" is mine. [Bloomberg]

$$$ RBS speeds up investment arm split [Telegraph] $$$ How much value does the finance industry create? [Noahpinion] $$$ Leverage can increase volatility and diversification can reduce risk [WSJ] $$$ Why London hedge fund wives don’t do Switzerland [EFC] $$$ Cheese fire causes traffic meltdown in Norway tunnel [Reuters] $$$ Registration for the 5th annual Decathlon starts today! This year’s competition takes place on July 28th, and also includes monthly “Throw Downs” where all registered Decathletes compete in 1-2 Decathlon events and collect charity bets on head-to-head match-ups (40 yard dash! Pull-ups! Bench press!). All proceeds benefit the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. $$$ A hedge fund in New York is looking for a quantitative macro strategist/economist [DBCC] $$$ Wells Fargo Lifts Quarterly Dividend 14% [FBN] $$$ Deutsche Bank Said to Be Asked by Bafin to Simulate Split [Bloomberg] $$$ Schroders Worker Among FSA Insider-Trading Probe Arrests [Bloomberg] $$$ Is seducing executives in order to get and trade on inside information illegal? [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ ‘Your Cat Is Not Innocent’: New Zealand Man Launches Campaign to Rid Country of Cats [Gawker]

$$$ Morgan Stanley wants all of Citi venture [Reuters] $$$ NYSE CEO Duncan Niederauer is not above gloating about BATS [CNBC via BI] $$$ Fannie and Freddie: Slashing Mortgages Is Good Business [ProPublica] $$$ Proposed names for Disney's Seven Dwarfs included Burpy, Hotsy, Shifty, Wistful, Doleful, Woeful, and Biggo-Ego [Lists of Note] $$$ JPMorgan is looking for a credit risk manager to cover banks and broker-dealers [DBCC] $$$ SEC demands Wells Fargo comply with subpoenas [Reuters] $$$ Lehman Ex-Broker Sentenced in Insider Case [WSJ] $$$ Ex-NBA Player Indicted on Ponzi Charges [WSJ] $$$ About forty people got out of their cars along Interstate 270 in Maryland and helped themselves to $5,795 in cash that fell out of an unsecured armored truck. ... Police are offering amnesty to anyone who returns the cash, but only $100 has been handed over so far. Heather Kelly described the scene on 270 to the AP: “It was in the traffic lanes and on the shoulders and just generally kind of like a snow globe of cash." [DI] $$$ Lacrosse players say the sport rewards the kind of determination required to do well on Wall Street. “By and large, lacrosse players aren’t necessarily the best athletes in the country,” says Joe Lizzio, a former Cornell player and co-founder of CapRok Capital. “We don’t have huge vertical leaps or run the 40 [meter dash] in 4.4 seconds.” The best lacrosse players “are smart kids that put in the long hours,” adds Cummings. “The same goes for finance, where you’re going to do well if you can outwork the other guy.” Another common attribute of lacrosse players is the kind of privileged upbringing that might have led them to banking careers even if they had never touched a stick. [BW]

$$$ BP to Plead Guilty to Felonies, Pay $4.5 Billion in Spill [WSJ] $$$ Eurozone slides back into recession [FT] $$$ House panel suggests SEC-CFTC merger after MF Global [Reuters] $$$ "With their boozy client dinners, big bonuses and foul-mouthed traders, interdealer brokers are stalwarts of a financial order that is in retreat." [Economist] $$$ John Carney went to a bar [NetNet] $$$ Henry Blodget: Why do some people hate women? [Gawker, earlier, earlier] $$$ William Blair is looking for a private capital associate in Chicago [DBCC] $$$ In a Switch, Investors Are Buying European Bank Bonds [DealBook] $$$ Fed Orders Largest Banks to Test Against Deep U.S. Recession [Bloomberg] $$$ SEC Report Finds Faults With Credit Raters [WSJ] $$$ Soccer no excuse for outdoor sex, Italy court rules [Reuters via Amy Tennery] $$$ Maine GOP chairman "play[s] basketball every Sunday with a black guy" [DI]

$$$ Fed Extends Twist, Signals Concerns [WSJ] $$$ Reasons to be sad about the Fed [Tim Duy] $$$ Berlusconi Casts Doubt on Austerity Plan [WSJ] $$$ Rompuy Blueprint Said To Include Options On Debt, Bank Oversight [Bloomberg] $$$ Standstills in Change of Control Transactions [HLS] $$$ With all words from Greek, Roman, Norse, etc. myths already taken, Peter Thiel named a fund after a metal from The Lord of the Rings [DI] $$$ A leading New York hedge fund is looking for a general counsel - could it be you? [DBCC] $$$ Regulators Back Off Tougher Curbs on Oil [WSJ] $$$ Ex-Orioles player Eddie Murray is part of insider trading inquiry [Reuters] $$$ The Mormon Madoff: How Shawn Merriman Scammed Millions $$$ NYSE CEO: Public Has Lost Trust inMarket [WSJ] $$$ Madam still stuck at Rikers [NYP]

DoJ probes banks for rigging Treasuries market; Greece still Greece; Hedge funds not sweating collusion probe; Kate Moss calls pilot 'basic b*tch' as she's escorted off airplane; and more.