Bonus Watch '12: Is UBS Trying To Tell Us Something?

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Admittedly it's just a theory but hear us out-- based on the following bonus numbers communicated to managing directors this morning in Stamford, is it possible the Swiss's long-term revenue generating plan is to get someone to burn the place down so they can collect the insurance money and then work out of Howard Johnson's?

"S&T MDs 15-25k cash. Paltry stock vesting over 3 years beginning 2013 - with clawback. They basically admitted they expect everyone to quit."

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Bonus Watch '12: UBS

Numbers for first and second year analysts (who are not happy). "It's been two weeks since UBS numbers came out and nobody wants to talk about it, for obvious reasons. Second years (base: 80k) ranging 45-65k and heard of some first years getting around 40k (base: 70k). And they could only achieve these numbers ("in line with the street") after firing 30+ analysts right before communication day."

Layoffs Watch '12: UBS Has Something To Share

Management has decided to burn the investment bank down and start fresh. Basically. UBS is set to unveil a radical downsizing of its struggling investment bank next week in a move that will prompt the loss of up to 10,000 jobs across the Swiss banking group. Switzerland’s largest bank by assets will significantly shrink the trading side and complexity of its investment bank and as a consequence also cut thousands of jobs in its back office over the next few years, three people close to the situation said. The job cuts will amount to almost a sixth of the bank’s workforce of 63,500 at the end of June. They will not happen all at once and the precise number is still unclear... It comes on top of another – still ongoing – programme announced last year to cut 3,500 jobs. The new strategy, hammered out in several executive board meetings in New York this week and set to be announced next Tuesday, will lead to the closure of a sizeable part of UBS’s fixed-income trading operations and other capital-intensive areas of the investment bank. UBS To Cut Up To 10,000 Jobs [FT] Related: UBS’s Investment Banking Head May Have To Slash His Own Expenses “Like A Jewish Shopkeeper”

Layoffs Watch '12: UBS

Cuts are said to have gone down at the Swiss bank yesterday, with more thought to be a' coming. From the front lines: "Massive cuts at UBS west coast IBD offices yesterday-- 50 percent headcount reductions in both LA and San Fransisco, from MDs down to admins. HR was flown in to do the job. Rumor is that LA and SF office will be closed down completely next year. There were also some cuts in NYC, in FIG and TMT."

Layoffs Watch '12: UBS

Cuts are said to be going down this morning in Stamford. From the front-lines: "So far affecting employees in cap markets. We've been hearing cuts were coming so I'd imagine there will be more through the day."

Layoffs Watch '12: UBS?

Cuts are said to be coming in the near-ish future. "More layoffs are expected to take place within the next 2-3 weeks with at least 10pct cuts across the board in sales, research and trading. Morale has reached a new all-time low (hard to imagine it could become lower?) and at this point many have the attitude that if they get out now at least they'll get a package out of it."

Bonus Watch '13: UBS

The Swiss bank will reportedly announce today that it's going to be doing things a little differently around here re: compensation. One, deferrals will start at $250,000 and two, rather than being paid in UBS stock, the non-cash portion of 6,500 senior employees' bonuses will come in the form of subordinated debt that can and will be wiped out in the event the amount of capital on hand falls below the level required by EU regulators, putting the onus on everyone to make sure no one pulls an Adoboli and avoids multi-billion dollar fuck-ups in general.