$$$ Osborne lobbies Geithner on StanChart [FT] $$$ Carlyle to Acquire Asset Manager TCW From SocGen [WSJ] $$$ Goldman Cleared in Mortgage Investigation [DealBook] $$$ Manchester United prices IPO below range, valuing club at $2.3 billion [Reuters] $$$ DC Man Orders TV From Amazon, Gets Assault Rifle Instead [USAT] $$$ A New York boutique firm is looking for a special situation analyst to analyze its special situations [DBCC] $$$ Yahoo May Reverse Alibaba Cash Plans [WSJ] $$$ Chesapeake Energy in U.S. antitrust probe [Reuters] $$$ U.S. Text Messaging Champion Is $50,000 Richer [BW] $$$ Naked Man Covered in Crisco Told Police He was ‘Looking for a Place to Party’ [Gawker]

Preet Bharara's no good very bad day; Winklevii bitcoin exchange comin' at ya; Twitter; "A Japanese man live-streaming his video game session online purportedly set fire to his apartment by accident as his webcam continued to broadcast"; and more.

$$$ Mitt Romney overpays his taxes, is rich [WaPo] $$$ Goldman Sachs is rolling out a hedge fund investing platform [Reuters] $$$ The ECB's pretend-you're-a-central-banker online game has a single mandate [Economist] $$$ SEC Said to Scrutinize Private Equity on Share of Payout [Bloomberg] $$$ Kato Kaelin Has a 'Gut Feeling' O.J. Simpson Was Guilty of Double Murder [ABC] $$$ BoNY Mellon is looking for a wealth management senior sales director in Greenwich [DBCC] $$$ EU in talks over Spanish rescue plan [FT] $$$ California found some more debt that it owes [NYT] $$$ Behind the Scenes, Some Lawmakers Lobby to Change the Volcker Rule [DealBook] $$$ Bank of America Is Now Stealing From Child Actors, Allegedly [Gawker]

$$$ Crédit Agricole Posts Record Loss After Greek Sale [WSJ] $$$ Dimon: America Still The Best There Is [CNBC] $$$ Regulators Postpone Some Basel Rules [DealBook] $$$ Jury Is Told Ex-UBS Trader Was Made a Scapegoat for Bank’s Woes [DealBook] $$$ U.S. judge insists Argentina must pay holdout creditors [Reuters] $$$ Charles Darwin Gets 4,000 Votes in Georgia Congressional Race [DI] $$$ The SEC is looking a financial economist in the Division of Risk, Strategy, and Financial Innovation, Office of Risk Assessment and Interactive Data in DC [DBCC] $$$ Exec Who Allegedly Enabled Fraud Runs Chase’s Effort to Compensate Foreclosure Victims [ProPublica] $$$ A Run on Groupon’s Shares as Growth Slows Again [DealBook] $$$ Judge: Kodak Didn’t Mislead Market By Keeping Mum on Bankruptcy Prep [Deal Journal] $$$ "The IMF, on the other hand, is an old hand at bailouts and has learned a lot of expensive lessons. It isn’t willing to throw money into Greece without an actual, credible plan, as opposed to the tissue of optimistic assumptions and politically conditioned forecasts that the EU habitually uses to disguise the true state of affairs from itself and the voters." [Via Meadia] $$$ A trip to outer space (that will "qualify you as an official astronaut") — for just $95,000 [MW]

$$$ Germany, Netherlands Rating Outlooks Cut To Negative By Moody’s [Bloomberg] $$$ Congress Presses New York Fed for More Details on Rate-Rigging Scandal [DealBook] $$$ China bids $15bn for Canada’s Nexen [FT] $$$ John Paulson Said To See 50% Chance That Euro Will Fail $$$ Bane's Plan to Bankrupt Batman Doesn't Make Any Sense [The Atlantic] $$$ A top bank is looking for a consumer/food sector M&A vice president or senior associate [DBCC] $$$ Citigroup Chairman O'Neill Takes Hands-On Approach [WSJ] $$$ An Ackman Protégé Plans to Strike Out on His Own [DealBook] $$$ Apple is a champion of planned obsolescence [Reuters] $$$ Snoop Dogg to Release Reggae Album as Snoop Lion [Gawker]

$$$ Jack Lew sworn in as Treasury secretary [Reuters] $$$ JPMorgan CEO Dimon: 'We Need a Big Plan' [FBN] $$$ Hedge fund in 'Whale' trade tried to poach JPM employees [Reuters] $$$ JPMorgan Traders Lost on 41 Days as ‘London Whale’ Unwinds [Bloomberg] $$$ "After four and a half intense and wonderful years as CEO of Groupon, I've decided that I'd like to spend more time with my family. Just kidding - I was fired today." [CT] $$$ Telepathic rats solve problems together [FT] $$$ A major investment bank is looking for a sector coverage head for Food/Consumer/Retail commercial banking [DBCC] $$$ Bank of China Eyes Expansion Into U.S. Securitization [WSJ] $$$ US watchdog set to weaken derivatives rules [FT] $$$ Girls Gone Wild is bankrupt [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ Regional jets really suck [WSJ] $$$ Maxine Waters: 'Over 170 Million Jobs Could Be Lost' Due To Sequestration [YouTube]

$$$ Wells Fargo Banker, Two Others Indicted on Insider-Trading Charges [WSJ] $$$ Bank of America claims MBIA in default on senior notes [Reuters] $$$ The Queen of England seems to have had a fun tour of her Bank [Telegraph] $$$ DealBook Conference Was Impressive, Lucrative and Chummy, but it was no DBDRN [NYT] $$$ "Lloyd Blankfein … wears a suit that is notably baggy in its cut. The bagginess is unflattering. But it is a pinstripe suit, which is the Bat Signal of men of great influence, Wall Street's version of a rapper's Jacob the Jeweler medallion." [Gawker] $$$ Plot to castrate and kill Justin Bieber at Madison Square Garden is foiled [NYP] $$$ How would you like to be a TIAA-CREF wealth management advisor in Fargo, ND? [DBCC] $$$ Obama’s Bet on GM Hangs on Revamped Silverado Pickup [Bloomberg] $$$ Hostess Said to Attract Bids From Wal-Mart, Kroger [Bloomberg] $$$ "But the decisions in the Argentine litigation do seem to go a long way toward transforming the pari passu clause from a rule of rank into a prohibition on preferences. And if this is right, is there any reason to think the holdings will be confined to the sovereign context?" [DealBook / Stephen Lubben] $$$ U. Chicago Receives Weird Mystery Package Addressed to Indiana Jones [NYO] $$$ "Afterward, the employees — chosen by lottery — nibbled on pigs in blankets and sushi rolls and met with Tyson Chandler of the New York Knicks. But one employee apparently was more interested in an autograph from his boss, coming up to ask Mr. Dimon to sign his ticket. The chief executive complied." [DealBook]

Jefferies reports losses; RBS plans cuts; Short who got Valeant right on trial; Drunken circus worker takes tiger cub for a walk at shopping mall; and more.