Third Avenue meltdown; Trader vs CFTC; "​How I Get Men to Give Me Money for No Reason as a Financial Dominatrix"; and more.

China; Stress tests; Another broker cleared in Libor trial; "World's Greatest Athlete Plays Ping-Pong With His Penis"; and more.

$$$ S.E.C. Enforcement Chief Khuzami Steps Down [DealBook] $$$ Dimon Says JPMorgan Executives ‘Acted Like Children’ on Loss [Bloomberg] $$$ S.E.C. Opens Investigation Into Herbalife [DealBook] $$$ Here you can watch an inspirational video about Herbalife called "Our Herbalife" [YouTube] $$$ "It doesn't travel as a coin. It stays in a container. And the container itself is small enough to carry, but certainly not small enough to put in your pocket. That's kind of how we protect it. So once you put it in the container, it kind of moves in the container. And probably we'd keep it in a container even at Fort Knox. I remember when I was in the military, the keys in the orderly room were on a long stick, like a broomstick. And I said to the sergeant, how come you do that, and he said, "So nobody can put it in their pocket." That's kind of how you do security [for a trillion-dollar coin] also." [DI] $$$ RBC is looking for an analyst for its Derivatives Solutions Group in New York [DBCC] $$$ Soros Hong Kong portfolio manager Jixin Dai departs, plots standalone fund [AR] $$$ SEC Claims KPMG Auditors Failed to Scrutinize Nebraska Bank [Bloomberg] $$$ "For people like me, on the other hand, the economy is a social system, created by and for people. Money is a social contrivance and convenience that makes this social system work better — and should be adjusted, both in quantity and in characteristics, whenever there is compelling evidence that this would lead to better outcomes." [Paul Krugman] $$$ Apparently people read Business Insider in bed [BI]

$$$ Draghi kills hope of instant action [FT] $$$ Mario Draghi's rescue plan for the euro: So that's what he meant [Economist] $$$ Goldman to Invest in City Jail Program, Profiting if Recidivism Falls Sharply [NYT] $$$ BofA in talks with Fannie Mae over mortgage dispute [Reuters] $$$ Missile Defense Staff Warned To Stop Surfing Porn Sites [Bloomberg via DI] $$$ New York Yankees Facebook Page Announces Derek Jeter To Miss Rest Of Season Due To Sex Change [Deadspin] $$$ Want to decide how much people at BlackRock get paid? They're looking for a Senior Compensation/Total Rewards Analyst in New York [DBCC] $$$ Facebook: The Stock That Keeps on Dropping [BBW] $$$ Europe Keeps Weighing on GM's Results [WSJ] $$$ Pimco’s El-Erian Says World in Serious Slowdown [Bloomberg] $$$ Romney's Horse Ranks 13th In Olympic Debut [WSJ] $$$ "Some account holders want to withdraw their money. I ask them why and give it to them if other children approve. Everyone earns five per cent interest on their savings." [Kottke]

$$$ Schaeuble Declares Markets Wrong As Europe Heads To Vacation [Bloomberg] $$$ Don't Force Banks Into 'Draconian' Breakups: Whitney [CNBC] $$$ Morgan Stanley Stock May Be Worth $32 In Breakup, Mayo Says [Bloomberg] $$$ The Merkley plan to refinance underwater mortgages sounds pretty good [Reuters / Felix Salmon] $$$ Outspoken Analyst Kinnucan Pleads Guilty in Insider Case [WSJ] $$$ Man who rescued a 17-pound lobster "felt the nearly 100-year-old crustacean did not deserve to die with its parts soaked in butter. 'If he was 100, he saw World War I, World War II, man on the moon,' he said. 'Being in New England, he even saw the Red Sox win the World Series. So, he didn’t deserve the boiling water.'" [CBS] $$$ Due to recent regulatory requirements, a top bank in Charlotte is looking for a counterparty credit risk manager to be a Basel expert [DBCC] $$$ Libor scandal makes it more costly for bankers to get insured [Reuters] $$$ Europe Aims to Make Rate Manipulation a Criminal Offense [DealBook] $$$ Fund managers to lose securities lending profits [FT] $$$ The Securities and Exchange Commission drew sharp criticism from a federal judge who said they have failed to properly oversee a $55 million investor education fund created by a nearly decade-old settlement with Wall Street banks. The fund had been created as part of a roughly $1.5 billion regulatory accord in 2003 with Citigroup Inc, Goldman Sachs Group Inc, JPMorgan Chase & Co and other banks accused of publishing biased analyst research. U.S. District Judge William Pauley in Manhattan said the SEC has shown a "lack of oversight" and "indifference" toward how a nonprofit organization charged with distributing the money has been managed. ... Pauley pointed as an example to a two-year, $91,500 grant to the Genesee District Library in Flint, Michigan, that appeared to have resulted in just two events, one of which concerned "spending, sharing, and saving" for children ages two to five. "While there may be benefits to starting investor education early, toddlers seem beyond the pale," the judge wrote in an order issued Wednesday. [Reuters] $$$ Mitt Romney would restore 'Anglo-Saxon' relations between Britain and America [Telegraph]

$$$ Fed Officials Weigh More Stimulus, Minutes Show [WSJ] $$$ Investors get lowest-ever Treasury yields [FT] $$$ Spain steps up austerity amid protests [FT] $$$ San Bernardino becomes third California city seeking bankruptcy [Reuters] $$$ Wall Street Recruiter Suing the City After Being Arrested for Giving Cops the Finger [NYO] $$$ Financier Leon Black Is Mystery Buyer of 'The Scream' [WSJ] $$$ Russell Investment Group is looking for a head of fixed income research in Seattle or London [DBCC] $$$ CME to Open Fund Set Up After MF Global for Peregrine Clients [Deal Journal] $$$ SEC approves database plan to audit stock trades [Reuters] $$$ Silvio Berlusconi set to run again to become Italian prime minister [Telegraph] $$$ Romney Says He’ll Release 2011 Tax Return When It’s Ready [Bloomberg] $$$ Crazy Clause in McDonald’s’ Olympics Sponsorship Deal Bans All Other Vendors From Selling French Fries to Attendees [Gawker]

$$$ Happy Birthday, Jamie Dimon [DealBook] $$$ There's a pope [DI] $$$ EU May Put Short-Term Bank Creditors in Firing Line for Losses [Bloomberg] $$$ End Looming for Paper Certificates [WSJ] $$$ Is Insider Selling A Concern? (No) [TBP] $$$ I Emailed the CEO of Bank of America to Fix My Credit Score (And He Did) [The Billfold] $$$ A high frequency trading fund is looking for a senior compliance officer in New York [DBCC] $$$ Former Pimco Executive Files, Then Withdraws, Suit Alleging Misconduct [DealBook] $$$ Lehman creditors can question 'London Whale' - judge [Reuters] $$$ New Dell suitors don't make much sense [Fortune] $$$ Goldman Sachs ventures west for annual meeting in Salt Lake City [Reuters] $$$ New York City to Ban Awls [The Awl]

$$$ Gorman Gets a Big Bump in Base Salary [DealBook] $$$ Wasendorf Gets 50 Years [WSJ] $$$ Suit reveals new details of Paulson's role in Goldman Abacus CDO [Reuters] $$$ Tony James thinks private equity should maybe be renamed "clarity equity" [DealBook] $$$ Tony James also thinks that "the hot credit markets are more of a negative" for private equity [Fortune] $$$ No, Obama Will Not Tear Down Reagan’s Childhood Home Brick by Brick [DI] $$$ World Class PhD Modellers - New Jersey - Hedge Fund - say no more [DBCC] $$$ U.S. Sues to Halt Takeover of Modelo [WSJ] $$$ Monte Paschi Rating Cut as Probe Digs Deeper Into Losses [Bloomberg] $$$ "Very few people live their lives with wealth-maximization as their exclusive goal, and if Zuckerberg doesn't want to maximize Facebook's financial value nobody can make him." [Slate / Matt Yglesias] $$$ The perpetualisation of debt [FTAV] $$$ No-Fun Mississippi House Bill Seeks to Outlaw Animal-Human Hybrids [BetaBeat]