Write-Offs: 03.23.12

$$$ Morgan Stanley wants all of Citi venture [Reuters] $$$ NYSE CEO Duncan Niederauer is not above gloating about BATS [CNBC via BI] $$$ Fannie and Freddie: Slashing Mortgages Is Good Business [ProPublica] $$$ Proposed names for Disney's Seven Dwarfs included Burpy, Hotsy, Shifty, Wistful, Doleful, Woeful, and Biggo-Ego [Lists of Note] $$$ JPMorgan is looking for a credit risk manager to cover banks and broker-dealers [DBCC] $$$ SEC demands Wells Fargo comply with subpoenas [Reuters] $$$ Lehman Ex-Broker Sentenced in Insider Case [WSJ] $$$ Ex-NBA Player Indicted on Ponzi Charges [WSJ] $$$ About forty people got out of their cars along Interstate 270 in Maryland and helped themselves to $5,795 in cash that fell out of an unsecured armored truck. ... Police are offering amnesty to anyone who returns the cash, but only $100 has been handed over so far. Heather Kelly described the scene on 270 to the AP: “It was in the traffic lanes and on the shoulders and just generally kind of like a snow globe of cash." [DI] $$$ Lacrosse players say the sport rewards the kind of determination required to do well on Wall Street. “By and large, lacrosse players aren’t necessarily the best athletes in the country,” says Joe Lizzio, a former Cornell player and co-founder of CapRok Capital. “We don’t have huge vertical leaps or run the 40 [meter dash] in 4.4 seconds.” The best lacrosse players “are smart kids that put in the long hours,” adds Cummings. “The same goes for finance, where you’re going to do well if you can outwork the other guy.” Another common attribute of lacrosse players is the kind of privileged upbringing that might have led them to banking careers even if they had never touched a stick. [BW]
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$$$Morgan Stanley wants all of Citi venture [Reuters]

$$$ NYSE CEO Duncan Niederauer is not above gloating about BATS [CNBC via BI]

$$$Fannie and Freddie: Slashing Mortgages Is Good Business [ProPublica]

$$$ Proposed names for Disney's Seven Dwarfs included Burpy, Hotsy, Shifty, Wistful, Doleful, Woeful, and Biggo-Ego [Lists of Note]

$$$ JPMorgan is looking for a credit risk manager to cover banks and broker-dealers [DBCC]

$$$SEC demands Wells Fargo comply with subpoenas [Reuters]

$$$Lehman Ex-Broker Sentenced in Insider Case [WSJ]

$$$Ex-NBA Player Indicted on Ponzi Charges [WSJ]

$$$About forty people got out of their cars along Interstate 270 in Maryland and helped themselves to $5,795 in cash that fell out of an unsecured armored truck. ... Police are offering amnesty to anyone who returns the cash, but only $100 has been handed over so far. Heather Kelly described the scene on 270 to the AP: “It was in the traffic lanes and on the shoulders and just generally kind of like a snow globe of cash." [DI]

$$$Lacrosse players say the sport rewards the kind of determination required to do well on Wall Street. “By and large, lacrosse players aren’t necessarily the best athletes in the country,” says Joe Lizzio, a former Cornell player and co-founder of CapRok Capital. “We don’t have huge vertical leaps or run the 40 [meter dash] in 4.4 seconds.” The best lacrosse players “are smart kids that put in the long hours,” adds Cummings. “The same goes for finance, where you’re going to do well if you can outwork the other guy.” Another common attribute of lacrosse players is the kind of privileged upbringing that might have led them to banking careers even if they had never touched a stick. [BW]

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Write-Offs: 04.12.13

$$$ Gold Sinks Into Bear Territory [WSJ] $$$ JPMorgan Switches Risk Model Again After Whale Loss [Bloomberg] $$$ US Senate scales back insider law [FT] $$$ Spain Eases Rules in Move Seen Helping Convicted CEO [WSJ] $$$ Ex-Credit Suisse trader pleads guilty in MBS case [Reuters] $$$ Mayo Tells Wells Fargo Execs Results ‘Stunk’ [Deal Journal] $$$ When options trading ahead of deals raises eyebrows [Reuters] $$$ Notes from the DoubleLine Lunch with Jeffrey Gundlach, Spring 2013 [Reformed Broker] $$$ Doubts over new CDS futures [IFR] $$$ High-Speed Trader Said to be Considered for SEC Post [Bloomberg] $$$ Billionaire Koch Wins $12 Million Verdict in Wine Trial [Bloomberg] $$$ Sarasota Man Steals Ten Cans Of Axe Deodorant From Publix Store, Assaults Security Guard, Broken Bicycle Chain Foils Getaway [Global Dispatch]

Write-Offs: 12.04.12

$$$ U.S. Banks See Strong Profit [WSJ] $$$ U.S. court says Argentina does not need to make $250 mln deposit [Reuters] $$$ Former Goldman Director Gupta to Stay Free Pending His Appeal [DealBook] $$$ Banks book record profits off Fannie and Freddie [Term Sheet, related] $$$ "The online brokerage of Bank of America Merrill Lynch rolled out something it is calling Face Retirement. ... Here’s how it works: It’s a website that takes your current image, using a web cam, and makes you old and decrepit — the kind of person who will need some cash socked away." [Deal Journal] $$$ "Prosecutors said there is no such thing as a $500 million Federal Reserve note" [UPI] $$$ The CME is looking for an executive director for equity index products [DBCC] $$$ Corporate bond "turnover has not collapsed 80 percent in the same way as dealer inventory, and in fact daily volumes are on a par with where they were in 2007." [Bond Vigilantes] $$$ CME Deliverable ‘Swap Futures’ See Comfortable Debut [MarketBeat] $$$ High Rollers Are Still Big Losers 18 Months After Online Poker's "Black Friday" [BuzzFeed, also MR: "Even if some of these sites were fraudulent, one wonders if the players would not have better off without government 'protection.'"] $$$ The "gentleman groper" is a lawyer, not a banker [ATL, earlier] $$$ "Can a dog be trained to drive a car? New Zealand's Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals proved it could be done." [CBS, video!!!]

Write-Offs: 09.05.12

$$$ JPMorgan is the best place to work, according to the Vault Guide [DealBook] $$$ "Morgan Stanley's wealth management chief, Greg Fleming, has just concluded a seven-city tour of the firm’s brokerage offices in an attempt to stem a broker revolt over the company’s new technology system that contains so many glitches that brokers often cannot sign-up new clients." [FBN, earlier] $$$ Ex-Jet Chrebet Among Top Wealth Managers Leaving Morgan Stanley for Barclays [Deal Journal] $$$ A fourth trader under scrutiny in JPM "Whale" probe [Reuters] $$$ "What the ECB is doing, in essence, is setting itself up as the shadow government of Italy, Spain, Portugal, and perhaps Ireland." [Slate / Matt Yglesias] $$$ Court to decide if lap dancing is a tax-exempt art form [USAT] $$$ Morgan Stanley Smith Barney is looking for a suspicious activity monitoring and investigations analyst [DBCC] $$$ Greenhill Expands Capital Advisory Group [DealBook] $$$ Investors are buying California school district bonds [WSJ] $$$ The ‘mystery Libor’ precedent [FTAV] $$$ Why Yes, It Is Time for Homemade Satellites [BBW] $$$ What Famous People Smell Like [The Awl]

Write-Offs: 03.06.13

$$$ Holder: Big banks' size complicates prosecution efforts [The Hill] $$$ Stress Tests Seen Boosting U.S. Bank Shareholder Payouts [Bloomberg] $$$ February the strongest month ever for US buybacks [FTAV] $$$ E*Trade Exec Behind Talking Baby Leaves [Deal Journal] $$$ Anti-CNBC ad runs on CNBC [TBN] $$$ "Also, releasing a new version of a customer favorite like 'snackable chicken,' works well, says James O'Reilly, chief marketing officer for Sonic Corp. 'Consumers love to eat chicken in portable forms,' so Sonic introduced a spicy version of its Jumbo Popcorn Chicken for a limited time last month, he says." [WSJ] $$$ Eaton Vance is looking for a junior U.S. taxable fixed income analyst in Boston [DBCC] $$$ Tiger accelerator fund pounces back after early losses [AR] $$$ Football Investors Get 62% in Run Around Players on Transfer Bet [Bloomberg] $$$ Monte Paschi seeks 1.2 billion euros damages over derivatives [Reuters] $$$ Wallace Shawn ‘Fascinated and Shocked’ by Iran’s R.O.U.S Problem [DI] $$$ Tensions brewed, for instance, when she organized a golf-themed 21st-birthday party for a student at University of Virginia—under orders from his mother in Epsom, England. The mother, Lindsay Smart, says her son Henry was initially wary of the party plan, but "as it got nearer, I think he warmed to the idea." He directed her not to do anything "over the top," but otherwise gave little guidance on the event, which was for about 25 people. "We were trying not to treat him like he was 5 years old," Ms. Battani says. [WSJ]

Write-Offs: 02.15.13

$$$ S.E.C. Acts on Suspicious Heinz Trading [DealBook] $$$ Facebook says target of sophisticated hacking attack [Reuters] $$$ Gleacher Won't Explore Merger for Now [WSJ] $$$ Berlusconi defends need for bribery [FT] $$$ "My grandkids always beat me at Rock Band. And I say, Listen, you may beat me at Rock Band, but I made the original records, so shut up." - Paul McCartney [Arts Beat] $$$ A multi-strategy hedge fund is looking for an FX quant/strategist in NY, Chicago or London [DBCC] $$$ Warren Buffett might buy some other companies, or he might not [Bloomberg] $$$ Warren Buffett’s Kind of Deal [DealBook] $$$ Dealpolitik: Heinz Deal Introduces a New Twist on Reverse Breakup Fees [Deal Journal] $$$ Could Dodd-Frank be unconstitutional? No? [Wonkblog] $$$ San Diego shocked by ex-mayor’s BILLION-dollar gambling losses [AP]

Write-Offs: 06.04.12

$$$ Germany Pushes EU Bank Oversight [WSJ] $$$ Goldman CEO testifies at Gupta insider trial [Reuters] $$$ Lawyer Kluger Gets 12-Year Sentence For Insider Trading [Bloomberg] $$$ Lisbon to inject €6.6bn into largest banks [FT] $$$ Giant Prehistoric Insects Shrank To Escape Developing Birds [Bloomberg] $$$ PIMCO is seeking a Cash, Short Duration, and Income product associate in Newport Beach [DBCC] $$$ Stock Market Could Bounce, but Look Out Below [CNBC!] $$$ Dealer corporate bond inventories continue to shrink [Sober Look] $$$ HSBC tests cash machines in Athens for drachmas [ThisIsMoney via NYO] $$$ Bernie Madoff’s son and future daughter-in-law are desperately trying to land a downtown apartment but can’t — because building owners don’t want to be associated with them. Andrew Madoff and Catherine Hooper have tried to cover up their connection to the Ponzi schemer by making appointments under Hooper’s name. She then shows up alone to view the $20,000-per-month pads, brokers said. Hooper speaks generally, saying the space is for her, her fiancé and their children, the sources said. But once the brokers explain who Hooper is to the landlord, the couple is immediately rejected, the sources added. [NYP]

Write-Offs: 05.09.12

$$$ Spain finalises bank recapitalisation plan [FT] $$$ Bank of America's Moynihan tops list of worst performing CEOs [Fortune] $$$ "Nearly 46 percent of the revenue received by Merrill Lynch's Global Wealth Management unit last year came from just 21 percent of its top-producing brokers, about 2,500 people, according to copies of the reports reviewed by Reuters," which seems sort of low no? [Reuters] $$$ Goldman's trading "huddles" won't disqualify it from doing private placements [SEC.gov, earlier] $$$ Lawsuit Claims Texas Constable Forced Deputy to ‘Motorboat’ Her Breasts [ATL] $$$ A bank in New York is looking for a Basel II modeler - could it be you? [DBCC] $$$ Hedge Fund Inflows Slowing, a Report Indicates [DealBook] $$$ Peter Orszag seems to think strange things about the marginal utility of money [Bloomberg, earlier] $$$ Carlyle Falls Below Offer Price as Rubenstein Plan Fails. FYI the plan was "have stock go up." [Bloomberg] $$$ Space-Taxi Race Gets a New Player [WSJ] $$$ Accused madam yelled at by judge after attempting to switch defense team again [NYP]

Write-Offs: 06.18.12

$$$ Clogged Credit Weighs on Fed Policy Makers [WSJ] $$$ Ex-Expert Network Consultant Pleads Guilty in Insider Case [WSJ] $$$ TCI is trying to guilt the FSA into forcing Lloyds to redeem TCI's holdings of Lloyds contingent capital bonds at above-market prices [FT] $$$ Homeowner Aid Boosts Big Banks [WSJ] $$$ World's population is 17 million tons overweight [MSNBC] $$$ Do you have plans on July 17? Do you fancy yourself a poker player? A really good poker player? Do you think you could beat David Einhorn, even if he’s working the table like it's Lehman Brothers circa 2007/2008? Do you think it would not be so awkward that the two of you could then enjoy a meal together and talk shop after which he picks up the tab? If David's not your thing, do you think you could envision yourself in the same scenario but with Bill Ackman? If you answered yes to most of the above and also consider yourself a fan of humanity, helping others and all that jazz, you should most definitely clear your schedule next Wednesday and sign up for a World Poker Tournament benefiting the Rewarding Achievement (REACH) program, which was co-founded by Bill Ackman and Whitney Tilson and gives inner-city high school students academic support and scholarships for passing AP exams. The event is taking place at Gotham Hall in New York and Einhorn (your competition) will be playing, as will Ackman and Tilson. Prizes for winners include the aforementioned meal (a lunch), with Bill, David or Seth Klarman, five nights at a “world-class private beach home in Lamu, Kenya,” a private poker lesson with 2011 WSOP bracelet winner and 2011 WPT Player of the Year, Andy Frankenberger and more. Alternatively, if you’re not one for cards but still want to help kids, you can also just register for the cocktail hour. $$$ Would you be interested in a job as a credit team director at a distressed-focused private equity firm in New York? What if I told you it's at Patriarch Partners? [DBCC, also available] $$$ Likelihood of Grexit Still 50-75%: Citi [CNBC] $$$ Alvarez Says Fed Hasn’t Seen Other JPMorgan Risk Problems [Bloomberg] $$$ Millionaire Parents Say Their Kids Are Unfit to Inherit [CNBC] $$$ New Jersey Man Allegedly Calls 911 From His Pillow Fort, Demands To Speak To Tim Tebow [DeadSpin]