Write-Offs: 03.30.12

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$$$Corporate pension funds break away from equities [Reuters]

$$$Dealpolitik: What’s H Partners Up to at Sealy? [Deal Journal]

$$$ Bias, penguins in CDS auctions [FTAV, part 2 here]

$$$Co-Pilot Who Landed JetBlue Plane Was Voted ‘Most Understanding’ (in high school) [Bloomberg]

$$$How to Prank Your Boss (and Keep Your Job) [Bloomberg]

$$$ A leading global investment bank is looking for a single stock options trader to join their team in New York, in case that might be a good fit for you [DBCC]

$$$Oaktree I.P.O. May Raise Up to $517.5 Million [DealBook]

$$$New Regulators May Be Less Friendly to Banks [Deal Journal]

$$$ Will you go to jail if you trade on Congressional inside information? Maybe! [Davis Polk]

$$$Pimco ETF Rakes In Cash Despite Continued Stock Rally [CNBC]

$$$Crook tries to rob three Manhattan banks in 35 minutes [NYP]

$$$Students Sell Their Faces to Pay Off Debt [HuffPo]

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$$$ U.S. To Sell $4.5 Billion In AIG Stock In Public Offering [Bloomberg] $$$ Hiring Climbs but Jobless Rate Ticks Up [WSJ] $$$ Bloomberg wants to develop a Libor alternative and call it Blibor [WSJ] $$$ What's the Exxon Valdez up to these days? [Bloomberg] $$$ "I think there's just something about getting into chlorine water that you just automatically go." - Ryan Lochte [AP] $$$ An investing bank is looking for a Ph.D. quant for their derivatives modeling team, if that's of interest [DBCC] $$$ Or consider supporting a second edition of Doug Henwood's book Wall Street, "the best leftwing book on actually-existing-capitalism that’s been written in the last couple of decades," if that's more your thing [Crooked Timber] $$$ Financial weapons of mass irony [Reuters] $$$ Futures are swaps in reality but not in regulatory arbitrage [Streetwise Professor] $$$ Mustaches keep you safe from radiation [WaPo]