Area Big Time Banker Can't Get Laid In A Whorehouse, Wants People To Know About It
What would posses a person to do an as-told-to article about the fact that after "failing miserably" at trying to pick up women in bars while working late for a "big name investment bank in New York," he turned to a "sugar daddy dating site" to cheat on his wife with hookers, only to fall for one who ultimately broke his heart, because, wait for it, she was a prostitute and didn't actually care about him? The answer, quite obviously, is love. Love, and a hope that a certain someone will see your story and upon reading that you're completely and totally over her and currently beating off call girls with a stick, COME RUNNING BACK.
I met a girl who said she was a senior at Columbia University. She was so hot. Long brown hair, light eyes, perfect little body. We started an affair and I would give her a $4,000 "allowance" each month to meet once a week for dinner, or just to sleep together if I had a deal or a really late night in the office. Sometimes it was an hour of "small talk and sex," which, really, isn't a bad deal for her. $1,000 for an hour to spend time with me. I felt like a stud, there's no denying that, and I knew that she didn't want anything from me but money. She would come and go away when I made the signal I was tired. Soon though, I started liking her more than I wanted to. She was smart and kind of had a sarcastic sense of humor I found funny. I asked to see her more and she asked for more money. I said I couldn't do any more than that, and she said she couldn't give more time. It was the first time I felt a little hurt, like: "This person just wants my money and probably thinks I'm some gross horny old dude." The next month, I gave her the envelope of $4,000 upfront instead of $1,000 each time. We had sex, chatted, drank some wine and she left. I never saw her again. She wouldn't pick up her phone, then her phone was disconnected, my emails to her went unanswered, and her profile on the site was gone. It was such a blow. Though, really, what the hell did I expect? I guess some warning.
Yes, some warning would have been nice but whatever. It's not like you're still upset about it. It's not like there isn't a moment of the day when she's not on your mind. It's not like you lie in bed at night thinking about her holding you. No, no sweat off your sack, which you use to bang hookers six at a time now that whatshername is out of the picture. Working girls line the street to get paid to have sex with you! You don't even have time to respond to all their propositions! The Jiltee has become the jilter! You can't even remember [theloveofyourlife]'s name you're so busy plowing prosties.
After that, I decided I was going to go for quantity and not quality. I want hot girls, but a lot of them and substance isn't a huge deal. I have been with dozens of girls, and I give them money each time I meet them. The funny thing is often these girls are chasing me to sleep with them again, because it's easy money, but I just scroll through and delete or ignore the messages most of the time. Men want to be with a lot of women; it is just the truth...Maybe that first girl was a wake-up call. I'm already married. I don't need a steady mistress. But I have one or two I always go back to if I can't find someone I like, which happens a lot.
Not that you need a steady mistress, but it turns out you're REALLY starting to like one or two of these girls A LOT. Did a certain someone hear that? THEY have sarcastic senses of humor too. THEY might even be smarter than someone who went to Columbia. With them, sometimes the "small talk and sex" hour lasts an hour and A HALF. At this point, you might not even get back to SOMEONE who doesn't know how to return e-mails or texts or voicemails or hand-delivered letters professing your love for her and desire to grow old together unless she got a new phone number or something and just forget to tell everyone in which case they mean nothing to you!! You don't want to be with a lot of women, just one (plus your wife)!! This just feels so right!
