Don't Overstay Your Welcome: Excusing Himself To Do The Dishes Means You Should Be In The Driveway Already

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No item is more exclusive than the "Art Connoisseurs' Evening with Steve Cohen." For a $25,000 donation to Aspire Giving," the winner receives an "exclusive tour for two of the Cohen residence in Greenwich, CT," according to a description sent to registered attendees. "Led by Steve Cohen of SAC Capital Adivosrs, you will be able to view one of the finest and most extensive private art collections of master and modern works ever assembled," it says. Also included is a "private gourmet dinner for two with Steve and Alexandra Cohen at their residence." [AR]

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Steve Cohen Bought Himself A Little Pick-Me-Up

As you may have heard, the last number of months have been a bit tough on hedge fund manager Steve Cohen. In November, one of his former employees, Mathew Martoma, was accused of orchestrating "the most lucrative insider trading scheme ever," in a criminal complaint in which Cohen was referenced as Portfolio Manager A. A week later, the Times lopped 21,000 square feet off his house. Earlier this month, he had the pleasure of setting the record for the largest insider trading fine ever, at $614 million, a sum that does not even put this whole thing behind him, as the settlement "doesn't preclude the Securities and Exchange Commission from pursuing Cohen himself in the future." So you'll excuse the Big Guy if he felt the need to indulge in a little retail therapy recently.

Attention Art Lovers And People Looking To Hedge Their Bets: Get Your Mathew Martoma Today

Geoffrey Raymond, Wall Street's artist in-residence, who's done everyone from Jimmy Cayne to Jamie Dimon to Lenny Dykstra to Ina Drew, put his paintbrush to the canvas over the weekend and came up with this: "Portrait of Mathew Martoma, In The Manner of Roy Lichtenstein," which is apparently supposed to be an homage to "Drowning Girl." As this one might become a collector's item, and animals in formaldehyde aren't going for what they used to, consider making him an offer tout de suite. Bidding starts at 10K.