Financial Services Employee's Excel Spreadsheet Of Dating Prospects Allows For 18 Year-Olds, Has No Room For "Jappy" Girls

Have you ever wanted to bring the same methodical organization and analytical rigor to your dating life that you bring to your work product? Did you think to yourself, "Excel, of course," and proceed to create a spreadsheet that included not simply the names, phone numbers, and photos of the people you were either in the early stages of or attempting to date but the last time you "communicated," the last time (if ever) you saw each other, and your initial thoughts on said person? A document that did not allow you to input a number in the "age" column but choose one from a drop-down list (18-30), just as it constrained you from entering a value of less than 7.0 in the "appearance" field, lest you attempt to veer off course with someone underage, old, or not up to an acceptable level of hotness? Did you tell a person included in said document about its existence and did you proceed to send it to her? At least one financial services professional feels you. From: [redacted] Date: Sat, Apr 7, 2012 at 12:16 AM Subject: spreadsheet... Well...this could be a mistake, but what the hell. I thought about deleting the names, but figured I might as will give you the whole thing. I only deleted the non-match people's names (at the bottom) since some I've known for a long time. I hope this e-mail doesn't backfire, because I really had a great time and hope to hang again soon :). However, I will keep my word! Have a great weekend! Prospects Spreadsheet [PDF]
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Have you ever wanted to bring the same methodical organization and analytical rigor to your dating life that you bring to your work product? Did you think to yourself, "Excel, of course," and proceed to create a spreadsheet that included not simply the names, phone numbers, and photos of the people you were either in the early stages of dating or had in the "pipeline" but the last time you communicated, the last time (if ever) you saw each other, and your initial thoughts on said person? A document that did not allow you to input a number in the "age" column but had you instead choose one from a drop-down list (18-30), just as it constrained you from entering a value of less than 7.0 in the "appearance" field, lest you attempt to veer off course with someone underage, old, or not up to an acceptable level of hotness? Did you tell a person included in said document about its existence and did you proceed to send it to her, hoping it wouldn't "backfire"? At least one financial services professional knows what that's about.

From: [redacted]
Date: Sat, Apr 7, 2012 at 12:16 AM
To: [26, Oyster Bay, 9.0]
Subject: spreadsheet...

Well...this could be a mistake, but what the hell. I thought about deleting the names, but figured I might as will give you the whole thing. I only deleted the non-match people's names (at the bottom) since some I've known for a long time. I hope this e-mail doesn't backfire, because I really had a great time and hope to hang again soon :). However, I will keep my word! Have a great weekend!

Prospects Spreadsheet [PDF]

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Exotic Dancer Turned Financial Services VP Wants Long Island To Pay $10 Million For Forcing Her To Have An Affair With Responsibility-Shirking Cop

Remember Tara Obernauer? For a quick refresher, Obernauer is vice-president at Forbes Private Capital Group, whose resume also includes an MBA from Hofstra, five years as a compliance officer at Guggenheim Capital Markets, and dancing gig at a now-defunct gentlemen's club called Stringfellows, where she earned "$1,000 a night or more." Last July she started having an affair with Nassau County police officer Mike Tedesco,* which involved Tedesco literally and figuratively "parking his cruiser in Obernauer's driveway" during his shift and "hanging out on the couch, watching TV, and taking naps" while letting younger cops, who Tedesco referred to "assist bitches," respond to calls. The reason we know all this is that Mike's bosses "compared reports by Obernauer's neighbors with GPS records from his squad car, [which] showed at least 57 visits" at times he was supposed to be working, and then cross-referenced them with Obernauer, who had no intention of covering for Tedesco after she learned he was married with kids.** Anyway, in April Obernauer got an order of protection against the guy, fearing retaliation for not telling Internal Affairs that he was "just a friend who stops by once in a while," as per his request,** and now she wants Nassau County to cough up a few million for unleashing this animal on her. The mistress of a married Nassau County cop — who enjoyed more than 100 nights with him while he was on duty — is threatening to sue the county for $10 million because it didn’t prevent the couple’s steamy romance. Sexy Wall Street exec Tara Obenauer, 42, has filed a notice of claim saying that she intends to sue Nassau County and the Police Department because officials were “negligent” for not keeping Officer Mike Tedesco from visiting her house while he was on duty. “As a result of the County and Tedesco’s negligent and intentional acts, Claimant has suffered and sustained severe and substantial emotional damages,” the notice of claim said. Here's what Nassau County Attorney John Ciampoli had to say about that: “I just think it’s rather ironic that she’s filing a notice of claim against the county. Because, based on what has been reported in the press, she was receiving from the county Police Department a lot more than others were receiving.” *Who showed up to her house claiming he'd received a report of loud music, after a colleague who knew Obernauer piqued Tedesco's interest by telling him "she was good-looking." **To which she responded "They have your GPS records, you moron. I'm not perjuring myself for you. We're over and I want my key back."