$$$ Bernanke Cites Risks, but Doesn't Signal Action [WSJ] $$$ Federal Reserve set to unveil capital proposals [FT] $$$ Ackman, Loeb, other hedge funds lose in May [Reuters] $$$ Ford Makes the Grade, Joins Borrowing Spree [WSJ] $$$ David Takes On The Porn-Addicted Goliath: Egan-Jones Countersues The SEC; the complaint is surprisingly persuasive [ZH] $$$ Mets To Sell Reprinted Tickets From Santana No-Hitter For $50 [Bloomberg] $$$ A major financial advisor is looking for a VP specializing in financial institutions to join its debt research team [DBCC] $$$ The rise and fall of European banking [FTAV] $$$ Insider trading probe swings from bankers to ballplayers [Reuters] $$$ Election Forecast: Obama Begins With Tenuous Advantage [FiveThirtyEight] $$$ How the internet killed porn [Guardian via MR] $$$ Most Work Emails Not Important [Mashable]

$$$ S&P 500 Breaks Record [WSJ] $$$ M&A Stumbles Amid March Deal Drought [Bloomberg] $$$ An interview with Athanasios Orphanides: What happened in Cyprus [Economist] $$$ Sarkozy: from the Elysée to private equity [FT] $$$ Embattled DOE-Grant Recipient Changes Name from A123 to B456 [WFB] $$$ Posting will be light tomorrow for Good Friday. Enjoy the holiday; we'll see you back here on Monday. $$$ Dell paying Blackstone's bills [Fortune] $$$ Investors sue RBS over 2008 rights issue [FT] $$$ REITs Trigger Fed Warning as Kain Tops $100 Billion [Bloomberg] $$$ Citi Sails Back Into 'Synthetic' Securities [WSJ] $$$ New York Is ‘By Far the Least Free State’ in America, According to Some People [DI] $$$ THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GITMO STRIKE: Detainees Are Treated Absurdly Well Compared To Business Insider Reporters [BI]

$$$ A 'Corzine Rule' for Funds [WSJ] $$$ BofA Merrill Lynch prunes Canadian workforce [Financial Post] $$$ Fed Is Ready to Act if Europe Falters Again: Bernanke [Reuters] $$$ Chinese prison labor is making your internet gaming whatsits [Guardian] $$$ Surely everyone from Occupy Wall Street to Ron Paul will be convinced by this and we'll never hear about the gold standard again [BI] $$$ One person's Op-Ed is another's opportunity? A major investment bank is currently looking to expand its equity derivatives flow desk with a senior salesperson and a senior flow trader [DBCC] $$$ So long, BarCap [DealBook] $$$ BarCapJust Barclays thinks large European banks would have passed the US stress tests [DealBook] $$$ Santorum: "I don't care" about unemployment rate [Reuters] $$$ "Heand several colleagues were accused of selling unsuitable and overly risky investments. The case, regulatory records show, involved the stocks of Stearns & Lehman, a specialty food products company." That does sound risky. [NYT] $$$ "The only thing that Internet Explorer is good for at all is downloading other browsers." This is true, but watch this Microsoft commercial anyway. [Matt Yglesias / Slate]

$$$ Dell Founder Said to Weigh Switching to Blackstone Offer [DealBook] $$$ Mortgage Securitizers Didn’t Know Housing Was Going Bust [WSJ] $$$ The case for Cypriot national equity [FTAV] $$$ BRICS Nations Plan New Bank to Bypass World Bank, IMF [Bloomberg] $$$ "Nestled in the shadow of the picturesque southern mountain range Macgillycuddy’s Reeks, home to Ireland’s three highest peaks, Kilgarvan is little more than a blink-and-you-miss-it blip on the busy road between the tourist towns of Killarney and Kenmare," but now you can drive drunk there [NYT] $$$ Sorry for today's technical difficulties. We expect things will be better tomorrow. If they're not, we'll probably be at Dealbroken, so check there too. $$$ Dudley gives first hints of slowing QE3 [FT] $$$ Bernanke Rejects Currency War Charges [WSJ] $$$ "Perhaps if we paid more money we’d have skilled associates." Instead you have bill padding. [DealBook] $$$ Tesla's Elon Musk tweets about big announcement for Thursday [CNET] $$$ "Hiring Richard Fuld is potentially so hazardous, he requires his own risk factor." [Overheard] $$$ The Most Expensive T-Shirt in New York City Costs $91,500.00 [The Awl]

$$$ David Einhorn is at the final table of the $1mm buy-in no-limit hold-em event at the World Series of Poker [ESPN] $$$ Police search Sarkozy home and offices [FT] $$$ JPMorgan’s Role in Power Market Comes Under Scrutiny [DealBook] $$$ Fink Says Diamond ‘Emotion’ May Have Aggravated Regulator [Bloomberg] $$$ The culture of CEO-punching runs deep at BarcLeh [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ That’s it for us today. Enjoy the 4th and we'll see you on Thursday. $$$ A $10 billion NY-based asset manager is looking for an ADR arbitrage trader - interested? [DBCC] $$$ Welcome back Ireland! [FTAV] $$$ SEC Loses Bid to Get SIPC to Pay Stanford Ponzi Claims [WSJ] $$$ In Maine, lobster that is cheaper than bologna [MSNBC] $$$ Tom Cruise prevented a Dawson's Creek reunion [NYP]

$$$ Stocks Near New Heights as Small Investors Regain Faith [NYT] $$$ J.P. Morgan Risk Officer Taking Leave of Absence [WSJ] $$$ Soros Says Hedge Funds Can’t Beat Market Because of Fees [Bloomberg] $$$ UBS Chairman proposes industry-wide settlement over Libor [Reuters] $$$ "One explanation for the confusion is that many things that are considered normal in finance look like fraud to almost everyone else." [Free Exchange] $$$ Outcry Over Bid to Make Water Cheaper Than Beer [WSJ] $$$ An investment management firm is looking for a senior investment associate to research credit hedge funds in D.C. [DBCC] $$$ Europe's Banks Rush to Repay ECB Funds [WSJ] $$$ U.S. Court Ruling Threatens Consumer Bureau Decisions [Bloomberg] $$$ Italy's Monte Paschi faces shareholder fury as scandal widens [Reuters] $$$ You may be surprised to learn that "the president and chairman of Mortgage Xpress, Inc. (subsequently renamed The Alternative Energy Technology Center, Inc.)" was sued by the SEC [SEC] $$$ Cory Booker Continues His Steady March Toward Canonization by Personally Saving a Stranded Dog from Freezing to Death [Gawker]

$$$ Jury reaches verdict in Apple-Samsung trial [Reuters] $$$ Greece not written off, says Merkel [FT] $$$ RBS closing in on LIBOR settlement [Reuters] $$$ HSBC In Settlement Talks With U.S. Over Money Laundering [Bloomberg] $$$ John Hempton looks at Focus Media [Bronte Capital] $$$ Hey Look, It’s the DMX-”Reading Rainbow” Mashup You Never Knew You Wanted [Popdust] $$$ Highland Capital is looking for a credit trader in Dallas, if that's your thing [DBCC] $$$ Bernanke Letter Defends Fed Actions [WSJ] $$$ The Effectiveness of Unconventional Monetary Policy at the Zero Lower Bound: A Cross-Country Analysis [BIS] $$$ The commodity-basket standard is even dumber than the gold standard [Slate / Matt Yglesias] $$$ "You can’t fight inflation by taxing the wealthy. And since fighting inflation is the primary reason our government would need to raise taxes, the proposals to raise taxes on the wealthy just don’t add up" says MMT true believer John Carney [NetNet] $$$ Olympian Nick Symmonds may have finished a mere fifth in the 800M during the 2012 London Olympics, yet he has redeemed himself completely by downing a beer before running each of the four laps required to complete a mile in record time. ... Symmonds finished his mile (and chugging of 4 beers) in a very impressive 5 minutes and 19 seconds. The mark was good enough for first in US, but only fifth place all-time. “That’s a good first mark,” says Symmonds. “I’ve got some training to do.” [Cosby Sweaters] $$$ Count von Count died [The Awl]

$$$ S.E.C. Acts on Suspicious Heinz Trading [DealBook] $$$ Facebook says target of sophisticated hacking attack [Reuters] $$$ Gleacher Won't Explore Merger for Now [WSJ] $$$ Berlusconi defends need for bribery [FT] $$$ "My grandkids always beat me at Rock Band. And I say, Listen, you may beat me at Rock Band, but I made the original records, so shut up." - Paul McCartney [Arts Beat] $$$ A multi-strategy hedge fund is looking for an FX quant/strategist in NY, Chicago or London [DBCC] $$$ Warren Buffett might buy some other companies, or he might not [Bloomberg] $$$ Warren Buffett’s Kind of Deal [DealBook] $$$ Dealpolitik: Heinz Deal Introduces a New Twist on Reverse Breakup Fees [Deal Journal] $$$ Could Dodd-Frank be unconstitutional? No? [Wonkblog] $$$ San Diego shocked by ex-mayor’s BILLION-dollar gambling losses [AP]