$$$Hedge-Fund Assets Rise to Record Level [WSJ]

$$$Wall Street banks boosted by bond trades [FT]

$$$ Yarh, Lisa Pollack harpoons the London Whale [FTAV, also part 2]

$$$Your Bank of America wants your help coming up with slogans better than "I won't be a total dickhole just so I can get rich" and "Because fuck you, that's why [YourBofA.com]

$$$“Not everybody likes Trump,” the salesman at Macy’s explained when I purchased the cologne. “Some people, they see the name on the bottle and are like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to smell like him.’ This scent really has to sell itself.” [BW]

$$$ How would you like to be a cat bond salesperson at Swiss Re in New York? They're hiring. [DBCC]

$$$New Jersey Governor Chris Christie denied newspaper reports that he fell asleep during a recent Bruce Springsteen concert, saying he closed his eyes while having a “spiritual” moment during the song “Rocky Ground.” Christie, who has attended more than 100 Springsteen shows, said he didn’t nod off at any point in the three-hour performance on April 9 at Madison Square Garden in New York. He called the reports that he was sleeping “scurrilous.” “This shows you the level of intrusiveness now into my life -- there’s some joker taking pictures of me at Madison Square Garden,” Christie said....“When I was like fist-pumping during ‘Badlands,’ I’m glad no one took pictures of that,” Christie said. “When I was singing to ‘Out in the Street,’ thankfully no one took pictures of that. When I was contorting myself to ‘Because the Night,’ no one took pictures of that.” [Bloomberg]
$$$Wall Street Receives Volcker Rule Reprieve [DealBook]

$$$Blackstone Sends Bleak Message for Bankers, Rivals [Deal Journal]

$$$Morgan Stanley CEO Skeptical of Possible Downgrade [CNBC]

$$$In Financial Crisis, Hedgies Betting Morgan Stanley 'First to Go' [CNBC]

$$$ Opinion: Real men can close the deal without opening Excel [NYP, earlier]

$$$Woman Injured During Sex While On Business Trip To Get Workers’ Comp [Gawker]