Write-Offs: 04.19.12

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$$$Hedge-Fund Assets Rise to Record Level [WSJ]

$$$Wall Street banks boosted by bond trades [FT]

$$$ Yarh, Lisa Pollack harpoons the London Whale [FTAV, also part 2]

$$$Your Bank of America wants your help coming up with slogans better than "I won't be a total dickhole just so I can get rich" and "Because fuck you, that's why [YourBofA.com]

$$$“Not everybody likes Trump,” the salesman at Macy’s explained when I purchased the cologne. “Some people, they see the name on the bottle and are like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to smell like him.’ This scent really has to sell itself.” [BW]

$$$ How would you like to be a cat bond salesperson at Swiss Re in New York? They're hiring. [DBCC]

$$$New Jersey Governor Chris Christie denied newspaper reports that he fell asleep during a recent Bruce Springsteen concert, saying he closed his eyes while having a “spiritual” moment during the song “Rocky Ground.” Christie, who has attended more than 100 Springsteen shows, said he didn’t nod off at any point in the three-hour performance on April 9 at Madison Square Garden in New York. He called the reports that he was sleeping “scurrilous.” “This shows you the level of intrusiveness now into my life -- there’s some joker taking pictures of me at Madison Square Garden,” Christie said....“When I was like fist-pumping during ‘Badlands,’ I’m glad no one took pictures of that,” Christie said. “When I was singing to ‘Out in the Street,’ thankfully no one took pictures of that. When I was contorting myself to ‘Because the Night,’ no one took pictures of that.” [Bloomberg]
$$$Wall Street Receives Volcker Rule Reprieve [DealBook]

$$$Blackstone Sends Bleak Message for Bankers, Rivals [Deal Journal]

$$$Morgan Stanley CEO Skeptical of Possible Downgrade [CNBC]

$$$In Financial Crisis, Hedgies Betting Morgan Stanley 'First to Go' [CNBC]

$$$ Opinion: Real men can close the deal without opening Excel [NYP, earlier]

$$$Woman Injured During Sex While On Business Trip To Get Workers’ Comp [Gawker]

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Write-Offs: 10.09.12

$$$ Goldman In Push On Volcker Limits [WSJ] $$$ Julius Baer May Cut More Than 1,000 Jobs After Merrill Deal [Bloomberg] $$$ Blackstone closes historic real estate fund on $13.3bn [PEI] $$$ Copenhagen IBOR has its own scandal [Macro Exposure, related] $$$ And State Street's Danish krone interest rate is negative 0.75% [Bloomberg] $$$ [Larry] Greenfield, who retired after a successful career at Opus Trading in Jericho, Long Island, says he would gladly trade his riches in exchange for finding a woman who meets his exacting standards: beautiful, thin, smart, Jewish, a sense of humor and from New York — but not an “alpha.” ... “I’m not a bad guy. I haven’t been to prison,” he said. “It’s just a very frustrating thing.” [NYP] $$$ Morgan Stanley is looking for a banking and cash management lawyer in Purchase, NY [DBCC] $$$ Imagine a country where challenging the ruling authorities — questioning, say, a piece of data released by central headquarters — would result in mobs of administration sympathizers claiming you should feel "embarrassed" and labeling you a fool, or worse. Soviet Russia perhaps? Communist China? Nope, that would be the United States right now, when a person (like me, for instance) suggests that a certain government datum (like the September unemployment rate of 7.8%) doesn't make sense. - Jack Welch [WSJ] $$$ Jack Welch ‘100%’ Right, Jobs Data Are Wrong: Trump [CNBC] $$$ The Private Equity Wizardry Behind Realogy’s Comeback [DealBook] $$$ "Savoring a long lunch after a morning tending to baby quince and pear trees, the French Senate's 78 gardeners are blissfully untouched by the economic crisis gnawing at Europe's core." $$$ Definitive Proof Rose And Jack Could Have Survived TOGETHER [BuzzFeed]

Write-Offs: 10.23.12

$$$ Facebook Posts Loss, But Emphasizes Mobile Growth $$$ LightSquared Executives Get $6 Million in Bonuses Approved by Judge [Deal Journal] $$$ Bernanke QE3 Stocks Miss Greenspan Irrational Exuberance [Bloomberg] $$$ ‘I’m Quite Concerned About Fiscal Cliff’: Greenspan [CNBC] $$$ Argentina won't kneel down before 'vulture funds,' says Cabinet Chief [BA Herald] $$$ Gupta is no Rajaratnam. Gupta tipped inside information about one company to Rajaratnam, while Rajaratnam traded on confidential information collected from many sources. So you’d expect that Gupta would be treated differently when he appears for sentencing. Federal sentencing guidelines, however, suggest a prison term for him that’s similar in length to the 11 years Rajaratnam is serving. And prosecutors want a sentence within those guidelines, just as they want for the hundreds of defendants sentenced in federal courts nationwide every day. Because what Gupta and Rajaratnam did is so different, though, sentencing Gupta to anything like the time Rajaratnam is serving undermines the whole purpose of the sentencing scheme that prosecutors say they want to uphold. [Slate] $$$ For several years now, Marc Lasry, the co-founder of Avenue Capital, has decorated his mansion on East 74th Street with bloodied bodies hanging from the balcony, skeleton heads, a giant inflatable ghost, swinging bats and a life-size, clothed skeleton affixed to a tree on the sidewalk. One afternoon last week, tourists and children gathered to take pictures of a dancing skeleton beside the front door. It was singing “Super Freak.” (Perhaps in the spirit of competition, the hedge fund manager Philip A. Falcone and his wife, Lisa Maria, have lavishly decorated the exterior of their 27,525-square-foot house on East 67th Street even though it is currently a construction site.) [NYT via BI] $$$ Adveq, a leading asset manager investing in private equity and real asset funds globally, is looking for an investor relations and development representative for North America [DBCC] $$$ Former Soros CIO nears launch of Anderson Global Macro early next year [AR] $$$ Wall Street Is Rethinking Commodity-Trading Role [WSJ] $$$ This is a story about LBO companies getting equity financing from long-only investors to pay down debt to manageable levels before an IPO [Term Sheet] $$$ This is a story about a management consultant who is also a self-published poet [BBW] $$$ "My wife ... penetrated to the heart of the debate in a single sentence tonight when, only about 15 minutes into the exchange, she observed: 'Romney’s flag pin is much larger than Obama’s flag pin.'" [NR] $$$ Obama Takes Out Romney With Mid-Debate Drone Attack [The Onion] $$$ NYC-Based Soup Chain Offers Free Cup of Soup, Personal Service from a ‘Cunt’ Named Mary [Gawker]

Write-Offs: 12.13.12

$$$ Wells Fargo Banker, Two Others Indicted on Insider-Trading Charges [WSJ] $$$ Bank of America claims MBIA in default on senior notes [Reuters] $$$ The Queen of England seems to have had a fun tour of her Bank [Telegraph] $$$ DealBook Conference Was Impressive, Lucrative and Chummy, but it was no DBDRN [NYT] $$$ "Lloyd Blankfein … wears a suit that is notably baggy in its cut. The bagginess is unflattering. But it is a pinstripe suit, which is the Bat Signal of men of great influence, Wall Street's version of a rapper's Jacob the Jeweler medallion." [Gawker] $$$ Plot to castrate and kill Justin Bieber at Madison Square Garden is foiled [NYP] $$$ How would you like to be a TIAA-CREF wealth management advisor in Fargo, ND? [DBCC] $$$ Obama’s Bet on GM Hangs on Revamped Silverado Pickup [Bloomberg] $$$ Hostess Said to Attract Bids From Wal-Mart, Kroger [Bloomberg] $$$ "But the decisions in the Argentine litigation do seem to go a long way toward transforming the pari passu clause from a rule of rank into a prohibition on preferences. And if this is right, is there any reason to think the holdings will be confined to the sovereign context?" [DealBook / Stephen Lubben] $$$ U. Chicago Receives Weird Mystery Package Addressed to Indiana Jones [NYO] $$$ "Afterward, the employees — chosen by lottery — nibbled on pigs in blankets and sushi rolls and met with Tyson Chandler of the New York Knicks. But one employee apparently was more interested in an autograph from his boss, coming up to ask Mr. Dimon to sign his ticket. The chief executive complied." [DealBook]

Write-Offs: 01.02.13

$$$ Moody's says more steps needed to save US credit rating [Reuters] $$$ Avis to Buy Car-Sharing Service Zipcar [WSJ] $$$ There's going to be a re-settlement of the mortgage settlement [NYT] $$$ BofA Could Join JPMorgan Selling Units to Boost Value, Mayo Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Greek Official Resigns Amid Bank Scandal [WSJ] $$$ The Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist [BBW] $$$ A leading financial services firm in Chicago is looking for a corporate strategy & development associate or VP [DBCC] $$$ Up and Down for Einhorn's Greenlight in December [Alpha] $$$ Do Corporations Have Religious Rights? [Law Blog] $$$ You Disgust Me, Christie Tells Boehner in Storm Over Aid [CNBC] $$$ “If somebody had told me I was going to be a high school math teacher in Dallas, Texas, when I entered college, I’d be like, ‘No, there’s no chance of that being true,’ ” said Mr. Dearing, who has deferred an offer from McKinsey. The teaching skills easily translate to office environments, he said. “I’m effectively the leader, every day, for 46 minutes, in front of seven different groups,” Mr. Dearing said. [DealBook]