Write-Offs: 04.19.12

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$$$Hedge-Fund Assets Rise to Record Level [WSJ]

$$$Wall Street banks boosted by bond trades [FT]

$$$ Yarh, Lisa Pollack harpoons the London Whale [FTAV, also part 2]

$$$Your Bank of America wants your help coming up with slogans better than "I won't be a total dickhole just so I can get rich" and "Because fuck you, that's why [YourBofA.com]

$$$“Not everybody likes Trump,” the salesman at Macy’s explained when I purchased the cologne. “Some people, they see the name on the bottle and are like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to smell like him.’ This scent really has to sell itself.” [BW]

$$$ How would you like to be a cat bond salesperson at Swiss Re in New York? They're hiring. [DBCC]

$$$New Jersey Governor Chris Christie denied newspaper reports that he fell asleep during a recent Bruce Springsteen concert, saying he closed his eyes while having a “spiritual” moment during the song “Rocky Ground.” Christie, who has attended more than 100 Springsteen shows, said he didn’t nod off at any point in the three-hour performance on April 9 at Madison Square Garden in New York. He called the reports that he was sleeping “scurrilous.” “This shows you the level of intrusiveness now into my life -- there’s some joker taking pictures of me at Madison Square Garden,” Christie said....“When I was like fist-pumping during ‘Badlands,’ I’m glad no one took pictures of that,” Christie said. “When I was singing to ‘Out in the Street,’ thankfully no one took pictures of that. When I was contorting myself to ‘Because the Night,’ no one took pictures of that.” [Bloomberg]
$$$Wall Street Receives Volcker Rule Reprieve [DealBook]

$$$Blackstone Sends Bleak Message for Bankers, Rivals [Deal Journal]

$$$Morgan Stanley CEO Skeptical of Possible Downgrade [CNBC]

$$$In Financial Crisis, Hedgies Betting Morgan Stanley 'First to Go' [CNBC]

$$$ Opinion: Real men can close the deal without opening Excel [NYP, earlier]

$$$Woman Injured During Sex While On Business Trip To Get Workers’ Comp [Gawker]

Related

Write-Offs: 10.09.12

$$$ Goldman In Push On Volcker Limits [WSJ] $$$ Julius Baer May Cut More Than 1,000 Jobs After Merrill Deal [Bloomberg] $$$ Blackstone closes historic real estate fund on $13.3bn [PEI] $$$ Copenhagen IBOR has its own scandal [Macro Exposure, related] $$$ And State Street's Danish krone interest rate is negative 0.75% [Bloomberg] $$$ [Larry] Greenfield, who retired after a successful career at Opus Trading in Jericho, Long Island, says he would gladly trade his riches in exchange for finding a woman who meets his exacting standards: beautiful, thin, smart, Jewish, a sense of humor and from New York — but not an “alpha.” ... “I’m not a bad guy. I haven’t been to prison,” he said. “It’s just a very frustrating thing.” [NYP] $$$ Morgan Stanley is looking for a banking and cash management lawyer in Purchase, NY [DBCC] $$$ Imagine a country where challenging the ruling authorities — questioning, say, a piece of data released by central headquarters — would result in mobs of administration sympathizers claiming you should feel "embarrassed" and labeling you a fool, or worse. Soviet Russia perhaps? Communist China? Nope, that would be the United States right now, when a person (like me, for instance) suggests that a certain government datum (like the September unemployment rate of 7.8%) doesn't make sense. - Jack Welch [WSJ] $$$ Jack Welch ‘100%’ Right, Jobs Data Are Wrong: Trump [CNBC] $$$ The Private Equity Wizardry Behind Realogy’s Comeback [DealBook] $$$ "Savoring a long lunch after a morning tending to baby quince and pear trees, the French Senate's 78 gardeners are blissfully untouched by the economic crisis gnawing at Europe's core." $$$ Definitive Proof Rose And Jack Could Have Survived TOGETHER [BuzzFeed]