$$$ Got half an hour? Watch Facebook's retail roadshow [Facebook] $$$ Wall Street doesn't know how to value private equity firms [Fortune / Dan Primack] $$$ Documents allege HSBC money-laundering lapses [Reuters] $$$ UBS investors protest against pay plan [FT] $$$ Osama bin Laden's views on investing jihad money [FTAV] $$$ Pimco is looking for a digital marketing specialist in New York [DBCC] $$$ Wall Street Wants More From the JOBS Act [DealBook] $$$ Bank of America to Sell Hearst Tower for $250 Million [Bloomberg] $$$ Krugman Wishes He Were Wrong Amid EU Austerity Backlash [Bloomberg] $$$ The Secret of Ben Bernanke's Beard [Atlantic] $$$ This has no conceivable financial hook, but [The Awl] $$$ Lost Pet Parakeet Found Its Way Home By Telling the Police Its Home Address [Gizmodo]

$$$ "UBS AG, Switzerland’s biggest bank, fired its head of credit-default swaps index trading, David Gallers, last week, with no plan to fill the position, according to two people familiar with the matter. Instead, the bank replaced Gallers with computer algorithms that trade using mathematical models." [Bloomberg] $$$ Morgan Stanley should not boost bond trading: analyst [Reuters] $$$ Sheila Bair has a crazy plan for Congressional pay-for-performance [Fortune] $$$ Goldman Research Implies Big Obama Electoral Win [Deal Journal] $$$ “One of the most striking differences between U.S. presidents is how they choose to stock the White House bar.” [TMN via The Hairpin] $$$ A premium bank is looking for an analyst or associate candidate for the Corporate Strategies group within the investment banking division in New York[DBCC] $$$ Recycled legal claims make banks look like victims [Breakingviews] $$$ Citigroup Discloses Libor Inquiry in Singapore [WSJ] $$$ “Some genius paired 50 Cent's In Da Club with a video put out by the Jehovah's Witnesses to encourage deaf people not to masturbate” [Kottke] $$$ Defendant In Murder Trial Who Wanted To Get Back To His Cell In Time For Monday Night Football: “I Did it, So What?” [Deadspin]

$$$ UBS’s Orcel Says Investment Bank Revamp Will Take Up to 5 Years [Bloomberg] $$$ American Banks Actually Are Lending Again — to Europe [NetNet] $$$ Brevan Howard on Hiring Spree Makes Comeback in New York [Bloomberg] $$$ Hostess Has Seen 'Flood' of Interest in Its Brands, Lawyer Says [WSJ] $$$ The surprising correlation between a turkey and a short-gamma trader [Peter Brandt] $$$ Fox News Pundit Finds the Silver Lining of Having Almost No Money for Food [DI] $$$ That’s it for us today. Happy Thanksgiving. We hope you all have a great holiday. There will be brief posting/moral support for those working on Friday, and we'll see the rest of you back here on Monday $$$ A New York hedge fund is looking for an experienced quantitative strategist to join their equities team [DBCC] $$$ Senator Warner says deficit talks to be different this time [Reuters] $$$ Olam launches Muddy Waters libel case [FT] $$$ "[CNBC's] audience does not consists mainly of the very rich; rather, it’s the 1 percent wannabees, who imagine that watching many hours of talking heads will somehow let them absorb the secrets of getting rich." [Paul Krugman] $$$ "Fehr and colleagues found that, in one-shot encounters where employment contracts were struck, 51% of principals exploited agents. 'The Marxian idea that power can be used for exploitation is real' they conclude." [Stumbling and Mumbling] $$$ A Very Dramatic Reading of Francisco Dao's Tale of Startup Failure [The Awl] $$$ The co-writer of The Empire Strikes Back will write one of the new Star Wars movies [Hollywood Reporter]

$$$ Jury reaches verdict in Apple-Samsung trial [Reuters] $$$ Greece not written off, says Merkel [FT] $$$ RBS closing in on LIBOR settlement [Reuters] $$$ HSBC In Settlement Talks With U.S. Over Money Laundering [Bloomberg] $$$ John Hempton looks at Focus Media [Bronte Capital] $$$ Hey Look, It’s the DMX-”Reading Rainbow” Mashup You Never Knew You Wanted [Popdust] $$$ Highland Capital is looking for a credit trader in Dallas, if that's your thing [DBCC] $$$ Bernanke Letter Defends Fed Actions [WSJ] $$$ The Effectiveness of Unconventional Monetary Policy at the Zero Lower Bound: A Cross-Country Analysis [BIS] $$$ The commodity-basket standard is even dumber than the gold standard [Slate / Matt Yglesias] $$$ "You can’t fight inflation by taxing the wealthy. And since fighting inflation is the primary reason our government would need to raise taxes, the proposals to raise taxes on the wealthy just don’t add up" says MMT true believer John Carney [NetNet] $$$ Olympian Nick Symmonds may have finished a mere fifth in the 800M during the 2012 London Olympics, yet he has redeemed himself completely by downing a beer before running each of the four laps required to complete a mile in record time. ... Symmonds finished his mile (and chugging of 4 beers) in a very impressive 5 minutes and 19 seconds. The mark was good enough for first in US, but only fifth place all-time. “That’s a good first mark,” says Symmonds. “I’ve got some training to do.” [Cosby Sweaters] $$$ Count von Count died [The Awl]

$$$ Greek Aid Payment Call Won’t Be Made Next Week, EU Official Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Dexia Gets a New Bailout [DealBook] $$$ Obama Victory Leads Wealthy to Make Quick Pre-2013 Moves [Bloomberg] $$$ "The ECB is playing a more complicated game than old fashioned 'loose money to counteract downturns, tight money to counteract inflation' monetary policy. And you have to ask yourself: Is it working? Has this delivered prosperity?" [Slate / Matt Yglesias] $$$ The guy who was going to fire all of his employees if Obama got elected, gave them a 5% raise [BBW] $$$ Priceline.com Impulsively Buys Kayak During Mini Existential Crisis [VF] $$$ JPMorgan is looking for a high-net-worth banker in Chicago [DBCC] $$$ JPMorgan Cleared for $3 Billion Stock Buyback [DealBook] $$$ Libor rates cull proposed for April [FT] $$$ Consulting Firm That Once Advised Gadhafi Enters Chapter 11 [WSJ] $$$ Here you will find a review of Atlas Shrugged [The Awl] $$$ "As he wended his way toward proposing an April trial date for Christopher's claims and Tory's counterclaims, Strine reflected on the (in his view) unwarranted popularity of 'duck boots,' the mysterious utility of the Topsiders his son just bought and the strangely bright colors of WASP-preferred styles." [Reuters] $$$ "'Paying bills,' Mr. Adelson said on Tuesday night when asked by a Norwegian reporter how he thought his donations had been spent. 'That’s how you spend money. Either that or become a Jewish husband — you spend a lot of money.'" [DI]

$$$ Happy Birthday, Jamie Dimon [DealBook] $$$ There's a pope [DI] $$$ EU May Put Short-Term Bank Creditors in Firing Line for Losses [Bloomberg] $$$ End Looming for Paper Certificates [WSJ] $$$ Is Insider Selling A Concern? (No) [TBP] $$$ I Emailed the CEO of Bank of America to Fix My Credit Score (And He Did) [The Billfold] $$$ A high frequency trading fund is looking for a senior compliance officer in New York [DBCC] $$$ Former Pimco Executive Files, Then Withdraws, Suit Alleging Misconduct [DealBook] $$$ Lehman creditors can question 'London Whale' - judge [Reuters] $$$ New Dell suitors don't make much sense [Fortune] $$$ Goldman Sachs ventures west for annual meeting in Salt Lake City [Reuters] $$$ New York City to Ban Awls [The Awl]