$$$ Italy Vote Shows No Clear Winner, as Berlusconi Rises [WSJ] $$$ Goldman to begin fresh round of job cuts [Reuters] $$$ Remember That $83 Billion Bank Subsidy? We Weren't Kidding [Bloomberg, earlier] $$$ "There appears to be a growing trendin dying industries: The bosses want to hold their bedside vigils in private." [Deal Journal] $$$ Banks to sell complex CDS books [IFR] $$$ "As an excellent student with advanced people skills and an exciting resume, with a desire to be part of a challenging, energetic, and reputable organization, I will be a valuable addition to The Catholic Church as your new Pope." [McSweeney's] $$$ A top-tier investment management firm is looking for a VP, behavioral finance specialist in New York [DBCC] $$$ Wells Fargo Role in Heinz Deal Is Credit Negative, Moody’s Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Leveraged loan market on fire [Sober Look] $$$ Banks Face Key Hurdle in Libor Fight [WSJ] $$$ RBS plans IPO for U.S. arm Citizens in next two years [Reuters] $$$ John Kerry Brings Democracy to Kyrzakhstan [DI]

$$$ Greece drops demand to ease bailout terms [FT] $$$ The NYSE Gets Its Very Own Dark Pool [MarketBeat] $$$ The Strange Takeover Limbo of CVR [DealBook] $$$ Countrywide won influence by giving House members discounts, report says [AP] $$$ Jon Ronson talks to rich people, middle-class people, and poor people [GQ] $$$ The guy who finished ahead of David Einhorn in the $1mm buy-in One Drop poker tournament was beaten up shortly afterwards [Poker News Daily] $$$ A German university is suing a business student for lost income because he finished his bachelors and masters degrees in only 20 months [UPI] $$$ A top institution is looking for a VP level structured credit trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Euro the big loser after central banks intervene [FT] $$$ Irish Bill Sale Marks End Of Drought As Spain Yields Rise [Bloomberg] $$$ Why not have variable-rate mortgages with fixed payments but variable amortization periods? [American Banker] $$$ Traded assets are more volatile than non-traded assets, NGDP targeting edition [Noahpinion] $$$ Alphonse "Buddy" Fletcher's wife is the Kleiner Perkins partner suing them for gender discrimination [Term Sheet] $$$ An Alternative Living Will for Banks [Paperwell]

$$$ Spain's Recession to Linger as Austerity Bites [WSJ] $$$ Euro Bailout Bid Gets Vote Of No-Confidence [Bloomberg] $$$ As the Justice Department weighs the possibility of criminal charges in the unfolding Libor rate-setting scandal, it may want to consider the record of the Swiss banking giant UBS. At UBS, a series of immunity, nonprosecution and deferred prosecution agreements in recent years — evidently the government’s preferred approach to corporate crime — seems to have had scant, if any, deterrent effect. “It’s depressing,” Representative Peter Welch, Democrat of Vermont, a member of the House oversight committee, told me this week after we discussed UBS’s recent transgressions. “The Justice Department has to decide: Is the day of consent decrees and settlements, where you pay a fine, one passed on to shareholders, are those days over? Are the days of jail time here?” [NYT] $$$ Jamie Dimon Opens Wallet For JPMorgan Shares, Picks Up 500000‎ [Forbes] $$$ Someone stole hundreds of David Hasseloff life-sized cutouts [NYDN] $$$ Credit Suisse chair says board backs Dougan [Reuters] $$$ Ex-BofA Executive Indicted For Fraud In Municipal Bond Probe [Bloomberg] $$$ BMW ‘stolen’ from Hooters is found [WaPo]

$$$ Bernanke Cites Risks, but Doesn't Signal Action [WSJ] $$$ Federal Reserve set to unveil capital proposals [FT] $$$ Ackman, Loeb, other hedge funds lose in May [Reuters] $$$ Ford Makes the Grade, Joins Borrowing Spree [WSJ] $$$ David Takes On The Porn-Addicted Goliath: Egan-Jones Countersues The SEC; the complaint is surprisingly persuasive [ZH] $$$ Mets To Sell Reprinted Tickets From Santana No-Hitter For $50 [Bloomberg] $$$ A major financial advisor is looking for a VP specializing in financial institutions to join its debt research team [DBCC] $$$ The rise and fall of European banking [FTAV] $$$ Insider trading probe swings from bankers to ballplayers [Reuters] $$$ Election Forecast: Obama Begins With Tenuous Advantage [FiveThirtyEight] $$$ How the internet killed porn [Guardian via MR] $$$ Most Work Emails Not Important [Mashable]

$$$ Spain to inject up to €19bn into Bankia [FT] $$$ New Democracy, Syriza Tied In Greek Race For First, Poll Says [Bloomberg] $$$ "Banks get to play a fun game every quarter that could be called Guess the Value of Your Assets! JPMorgan Chase plays it more than its peers." [DealBook] $$$ "This study proposes a novel framework for capital regulation that addresses banks’ incentives to take on excessive risk and leverage. The framework consists of a special capital account in addition to a core capital requirement. The special account would accrue to a bank’s shareholders as long as the bank is solvent, but would pass to the bank’s regulators — rather than its creditors — if the bank fails." [FRBNY] $$$ "Barry also had a knack for interceptions. When a joint was making the rounds, he often elbowed his way in, out of turn, shouted "Intercepted!," and took an extra hit. No one seemed to mind." [DI] $$$ That’s it for us today. We’re off Monday for the holiday, enjoy the long weekend and see you on Tuesday! $$$ Fortress Investment Group is looking for a treasury analyst in San Francisco [DBCC] $$$ Marc Faber: 100% Chance of Global Recession [CNBC!] $$$ Prosecutors gain early edge in Raj Gupta trial [Breakingviews] $$$ Despite Doubts, Lehman Charges Still Possible [DealBook] $$$ "A penguin on the run from a Tokyo aquarium since early March was adjusting to life back on the inside yesterday after being recaptured on a riverbank. The Humboldt penguin, one of 135 kept at Tokyo Sea Life Park, was recaptured after 82 days of freedom that had even seen it outwit Japan’s well-resourced coast guard. ... The hunt for the bird, which the aquarium said did not have a name, began in early March after it was spotted bathing in a river that runs into Tokyo Bay. Keepers believe the creature made its break for freedom after being startled into climbing over a rock twice its size." [AFP]

$$$ Europe stimulus rift crisis etc. etc. [FT] $$$ Corporate Profits Just Hit An All-Time High, Wages Just Hit An All-Time Low [BI] $$$ Wells Fargo's mushrooming mortgage risk [Reuters] $$$ Investors cast doubt on "end of world" hedge strategies [Reuters] $$$ Rajaratnam Wiretaps Catch ‘Chunky But Funky’ Goldman Salesman in Scandalous Act of Doing His Job [DI / Kevin Roose] $$$ This is a good post about quants [Mathbabe] $$$ "Europe’s highest court ruled that workers who happened to get sick on vacation were legally entitled to take another vacation." [NYT via MR] $$$ A leading investment bank is looking for a manager of High Frequency Trading development [DBCC] $$$ The Bank of England is now posting collateral on derivative trades [FTAV] $$$ ‘Orwellian’ Goldman Loses Bid to Dismiss Suit Over CDO Deals [Deal Journal] $$$ President Obama Can’t Be in the Same Room As Forks Anymore? [DI] $$$ When your soccer team loses, you feel down and are therefore more inclined to sell securities in the markets [SSRN, related?] $$$ Germany 4 - 2 Greece [NYT] $$$ Just Thinking About Having a Drink Can Help You Relax [CNBC]

$$$ As His Fraud Trial Opens, Ex-UBS Trader Is Accused of Brazen Gambling [DealBook] $$$ Thanks, Goldman, for Giving My Peers Their Lives Back [Bloomberg] $$$ FDIC’s Hoenig Wants Simpler Rules Than Basel III [Deal Journal] $$$ Occupy Wall Street's one-year anniversary demonstrations start tomorrow [The Awl] $$$ Hard-money types talk too much about the gold standard, not enough about the bacon standard [CNBC] $$$ "I'm kind of a Snooki fan. Look how tiny's she's gotten. She's lost weight. She's energetic. Just her spark-plug personality is kind of fun." - Mitt Romney [DI] $$$ TIAA-CREF is looking for an insurance wholesaling director in Boston [DBCC] $$$ Miller Says U.S. Should Issue Simplified Volcker Rule [Bloomberg] $$$ Private equity needs more strategic deals [Term Sheet] $$$ Home Depot is leaving China, "where cheap labor has stunted the do-it-yourself ethos and apartment-based living leaves scarce demand for products like lumber" [WSJ] $$$ Allocating Risk Through Contract: Evidence from M&A and Policy Implications [Harvard Law] $$$ Naked German monk found wandering Bavarian forest after tripping on some bad berries [NYDN]

$$$ Doubts Rise Over EU Bank Metrics [WSJ] $$$ Race to save euro will follow ‘Grexit’ [FT / Willem Buiter] $$$ Falcone’s Harbinger Capital Turns To Dell’s MSD For Loan [Bloomberg] $$$ Oracle CEO Larry Ellison buys Hawaii island known for pineapples, Bill Gates' wedding [CNN] $$$ "As my closest family and friends, it is important to me set the record straight on some of book’s major inaccuracies." Kerry Killinger appears to be illiterate. [DealBook] $$$ British school calls police to remove pupil 'obsessed' with studying [NYP via DI] $$$ The Decathlon is now open to teams of 3, competing for the title of "Wall Street's Fittest Firm" - sign up today [The Decathlon] $$$ A New Jersey asset management firm is looking for a COO, if you're interested [DBCC] $$$ Red flag at popular Alerian MLP Index ETN [Investment News] $$$ Constellation Brands executives get paid partly in free booze [Footnoted.com] $$$ Does The CFA Exam Waste A Billion Dollars? [BDC Review] $$$ The Terrifying Sex Organs of Male Turtles [io9]