SALT 2012 Entertainment Surprised, Sad To Learn He Was Performing At A Sausage-Fest

Author:
Bess Levin
Updated:
Jan 14, 2019
Original:
May 10, 2012

"Where are the ladies tonight?" Levine asked as the drummer kept a faint beat. One could hear a few screams. "That means there are a lot of dudes here," he shot back. "It's not the best ratio." The men nodded and laughed knowingly. A few adoring women in the front screamed a little louder, and Levine indulged them. "Ladies, this song is dedicated to you," he said before launching into She Will Be Loved. "We loved you so damn much." [AR]

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That, or potential attendees must sit for the CFA Level III exam, administered by Vain.

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Bullets and snacks included.

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Step 1: Come up with story idea, say, about how small businesses are being hurt due to the NBA lockout Step 2: Reach out to Twitter followers, ask them to corroborate said story Step 3: Wait. Step 4: Practice asking Kate Upton to be your Valentine. ["Will you, Kaaa" voice cracks. "Will you, Kate Upton.." No, that's stupid. "Kate I would be most honored if you.."] Step 5: Daydream about how you and "Katie" will tell your families you eloped. Step 6: Marvel at your good fortune when a guy, who in real life is a bored teenager but over the internet seems like a legit businessman, emails you to say that he runs an escort service in New York, "mostly for away team players after games but some Knicks and Nets too; they are high rollers and I'm not getting the constant business I that I need to stay running." Step 7: Double fist pump the air and shout "Yes, D-Rove, you got this!" Step 8: Breathe, tell yourself to calm down and reel it in. Step 9: Put on your reporter hat and ask "Henry James" some questions like, "How much money would say you're losing? What cut do you then get? What is the cheapest woman and what is the most expensive woman? I assume it's by the hour and what is the typical # of hours?" Step 10: Make no attempt to verify source is who he says he is, that his business exists, that you're not being taken for a ride. Step 11: Cut, print. How A Teenager With A Fake Escort Service Duped Darren Rovell And CNBC [Deadspin] Related: SI Swimsuit Model Doesn’t Have To Worry About Things Getting Weird With CNBC Reporter Because He’s Known Her Since She Was 17

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