How Your CNBC Sausage Gets Made (Update)

Step 1: Come up with story idea, say, about how small businesses are being hurt due to the NBA lockout Step 2: Reach out to Twitter followers, ask them to corroborate said story Step 3: Wait. Step 4: Practice asking Kate Upton to be your Valentine. ["Will you, Kaaa" voice cracks. "Will you, Kate Upton.." No, that's stupid. "Kate I would be most honored if you.."] Step 5: Daydream about how you and "Katie" will tell your families you eloped. Step 6: Marvel at your good fortune when a guy, who in real life is a bored teenager but over the internet seems like a legit businessman, emails you to say that he runs an escort service in New York, "mostly for away team players after games but some Knicks and Nets too; they are high rollers and I'm not getting the constant business I that I need to stay running." Step 7: Double fist pump the air and shout "Yes, D-Rove, you got this!" Step 8: Breathe, tell yourself to calm down and reel it in. Step 9: Put on your reporter hat and ask "Henry James" some questions like, "How much money would say you're losing? What cut do you then get? What is the cheapest woman and what is the most expensive woman? I assume it's by the hour and what is the typical # of hours?" Step 10: Make no attempt to verify source is who he says he is, that his business exists, that you're not being taken for a ride. Step 11: Cut, print. How A Teenager With A Fake Escort Service Duped Darren Rovell And CNBC [Deadspin] Related: SI Swimsuit Model Doesn’t Have To Worry About Things Getting Weird With CNBC Reporter Because He’s Known Her Since She Was 17
Author:
Publish date:
Updated on

Step 1: Come up with story idea, say, about how small businesses are being hurt due to the NBA lockout.
Step 2: Reach out to Twitter followers, ask them to corroborate said story.
Step 3: Wait.
Step 4: Practice asking Kate Upton to be your Valentine. ["Will you, Kaaa" voice cracks. "Will you, Kate Upton..." No, that's stupid. "Kate I would be most honored if you.."]
Step 5: Daydream about how you and "Katie" will tell your families you eloped.
Step 6: Marvel at your good fortune when a guy, who in real life is a bored teenager but over the internet seems like a legit businessman, emails you to say that he runs an escort service in New York, "mostly for away team players after games but some Knicks and Nets too; they are high rollers and I'm not getting the constant business I that I need to stay running."
Step 7: Double fist pump the air and shout "Yes, D-Rove, you got this! Pulitzer 2012 baby!"
Step 8: Breathe, tell yourself to calm down and reel it in.
Step 9: Put on your reporter hat and ask "Henry James" some questions like, "How much money would you say you're losing? What cut do you then get? What is the cheapest woman and what is the most expensive woman? I assume it's by the hour and what is the typical # of hours?"
Step 10: Make no attempt to verify source is who he says he is, that his business exists, that you're not being taken for a ride.
Step 11: Cut, print.

Update: Darren Rovell is sorry. ("He duped me. Shame on me. I apologize to my readers. As a result I will do fewer stories on the real life impact of big events which I do think the public enjoys. There will always be people out there who want their 15 minutes of fame and not really care how they get there.")

How A Teenager With A Fake Escort Service Duped Darren Rovell And CNBC [Deadspin]
An Apology To My Readers [CNBC]
Related: SI Swimsuit Model Doesn’t Have To Worry About Things Getting Weird With CNBC Reporter Because He’s Known Her Since She Was 17

Related

News

SI Swimsuit Model Doesn't Have To Worry About Things Getting Weird With CNBC Reporter Because He's Known Her Since She Was 17

Something you may have picked up on when watching CNBC interviews is that if an anchor or a reporter has fond feelings for their interviewee, they often find it difficult to suppress. Joe Kernen, for example, more or less fellated David Tepper when the hedge fund manager appeared on Squawk Box a while back, telling Tepper his "entire body had chills" at the thought of having him on set (Bill Murray received the same treatment last Friday). To that end, perhaps you saw Darren Rovell's interview with Kate Upton?

News

This Is Warren Buffett Telling A CNBC Anchor How Difficult It's Been To Bang The Guy's Wife

As some of you may have noticed over the years, Warren Buffett has carved out a pretty unique niche for himself in using analogies about whorehouses, porn shops, one-night stands, taking Viagra, fondling inanimate objects (or simply laying the ground work to do so) when discussing business. Regardless of the topic, no matter the setting, he's prepared to go out of his way marry aberrant sex fetish with folksy business wisdom. So naturally, when asked by Andrew Ross Sorkin on Squawk Box this morning if a $22 billion acquisition by Berkshire Hathway that didn't pan out earlier this year might happen at some point in the future, Buffett told the gang "It's always possible. When a girl hangs up on me, I try again," rather than "Sure," or "Yeah, anything can happen," or "Never say never, Andy." At this point, the anchors could have moved on but Joe Kernen saw an opening for a little repartee and went for it, not realizing that he was dealing with a professional. [8:45

News

CNBC Is Nobody's Sloppy Seconds!

*DJ CNBC Tells Wall Street Execs To Go Back To Their Ready Made Whores At FBN, Bloomberg TV *DJ CNBC 'If You Go On Bloomberg We'll Fucking Cut You' *DJ CNBC 'Brian Moynihan Knows What He Did' *DJ CNBC 'Will Tell Everyone That Walks In This Building That in 2R, Cohn, You're Nothing But A Whore' *DJ CNBC Suggests It Won't Hesitate To Throw A Drink In The Face Of Anyone Seen Running Around Town With Another Network *DJ No, CNBC Doesn't Think It's Overreacting *DJ CNBC Will Show You Crazy