$$$ AIG Said to Boost U.S. TARP Recovery to 80% With Payment [Bloomberg] $$$ Trio of Deals Show IPO Strength [WSJ] $$$ Scrap Over Easing IPO Rules [WSJ] $$$ "The biggest recent change on Wall Street has been semantic, not substantive. The word 'client' has become Orwellian doublespeak. Goldman’s leaders talk uniformly about the importance of serving clients, but the firm’s salespeople know who is a client and who is a mere a counterparty." Frank Partnoy says sensible things about Muppetgate [FT] $$$ Fruit flies who strike out with the lady fruit flies drink to forget their troubles [NYT] $$$ Banks hike fees, cut costs to boost profits [Reuters] $$$ Glencore poised for joint bid for Viterra [FT] $$$ The New York Times paid executives multimillion dollar bonuses for achieving returns that were a fraction of its cost of capital, so that's kind of awkward [BreakingViews, via William Wright] $$$ Would you like some hyperbolic metaphors with your intimations of criminality? Enjoy! [Rolling Stone] $$$ "The Real Question re Goldman: Why doesn't Goldman have its employees sign non-disclosure agreements?" I know, right? [Credit Slips]

$$$ Dick Bové may be saved! [WSJ] $$$ ‘Sad and Depressed’ CEOs See No Light at End of Partisan Impasse [Bloomberg] $$$ George Soros says Obama victory means 'more sensible politics' [Reuters] $$$ Marc Faber seems to disagree [Bloomberg TV] $$$ Wall Street and the elections [FTAV] $$$ What Wall Street Needs to Know About Elizabeth Warren [DealBook] $$$ Diane Sawyer Knows You Think She Was Drunk Last Night [DI] $$$ Citi is looking for an ultra-high-net-worth banker associate in Beverly Hills [DBCC] $$$ Bank supervisor defends risk models [FT] $$$ French banks are getting into securitization [WSJ] $$$ Was Intrade being manipulated over the last month? [Overcoming Bias] $$$ "News Corp, the parent of Fox News, is one of the few stocks that’s up. I guess Obama is good for ratings." [CWS] $$$ How to De-Romneyize an Airplane [BBW]

$$$ Facebook to Buy Instagram For $1 Billion [WSJ] $$$ "[R]ight before its billion dollar acquisition from Facebook, Instagram closed a $50 million Series B round from Sequoia, Josh Kushner’s Thrive Capital, Greylock and Benchmark at a $500 million valuation. ... Investors, many of whom didn’t know about the Facebook acquisition, literally doubled their money (which was wired to Instagram last Thursday) overnight." [TC] $$$ Feds aim to sack former Bears QB Jim McMahon over bad bank loans [Chicago Sun-Times] $$$ "JOBS Act won't mean mass marketing for hedge funds." Just a few discreet ads on Dealbreaker. [AR-Alpha] $$$ John Mack: “You have to do what makes you passionate and turns you on. And this really turns me on.” "Selling women's shoes? [NYM] $$$ Are you in business school and looking for a job? T. Rowe Price is looking for an MBA intern in its global investment services division [DBCC] $$$ What if the Sky Fell? [Bloomberg TV] $$$ Banks test ‘CDOs’ for trade finance [FT] $$$ Bank of America, Barclays Deny Illegal Acts Over Archstone [Bloomberg] $$$ William Cohan thinks that an FDA for financial products is a silly idea; update your priors [Bloomberg, earlier] $$$ ‘The Unchosen Ones,’ a proposed reality TV series, focuses on former Hasidic Jews [NYDN] $$$ The Jennifer Love Hewitt Handjob Hour Is The Funniest New Show On TV [Gawker]

$$$ Cliff Asness: The Hidden Tax Behind Wall Street Reform [WSJ] $$$ Banks’ Debt Addiction Said to Face Scrutiny at Basel Group [Bloomberg] $$$ Citigroup Joins Roster of Banks Advising Dell Buyout [Deal Journal] $$$ Bloomberg: still really into the $83bn TBTF subsidy [Bloomberg, earlier, etc.] $$$ Ms. White got a warmer welcome from some members of the panel, which is set to vote on her nomination before it moves to the full Senate. "The more I find out about you, the more I like you," said Sen. Tom Coburn (R., Okla.), adding that he had already decided to support her nomination. Sen. Charles Schumer (D., N.Y.), introducing Ms. White at the beginning of the hearing, described the lighter side of a woman known mostly for locking up terrorists and mobsters. He told the packed hearing room that Ms. White served as chairman of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, likes to "crack open a cold can of Bud" and was effective on the basketball court as a member of a New York women's basketball league. [WSJ] $$$ A sinkhole swallowed a golfer on the 14th fairway [DM] $$$ A resource focused boutique investment bank is looking for an associate in New York [DBCC] $$$ An Asset Manager’s Guide to Swap Trading in the New Regulatory World [DPW] $$$ SEC asked Goldman to disclose more about illiquid assets - filings [Reuters] $$$ Funds pick Credit Suisse over UBS on revamp risks [Reuters] $$$ "There is nothing funny about these photos, in which Mitt Romney celebrates his 66th birthday by eating fluffernutter cupcakes and wearing a stupid birthday hat." [DI] $$$ 'Wolf of Wall Street' Gets $1M Pay Day for Movie Rights [FBN]

$$$ Dell Founder Said to Weigh Switching to Blackstone Offer [DealBook] $$$ Mortgage Securitizers Didn’t Know Housing Was Going Bust [WSJ] $$$ The case for Cypriot national equity [FTAV] $$$ BRICS Nations Plan New Bank to Bypass World Bank, IMF [Bloomberg] $$$ "Nestled in the shadow of the picturesque southern mountain range Macgillycuddy’s Reeks, home to Ireland’s three highest peaks, Kilgarvan is little more than a blink-and-you-miss-it blip on the busy road between the tourist towns of Killarney and Kenmare," but now you can drive drunk there [NYT] $$$ Sorry for today's technical difficulties. We expect things will be better tomorrow. If they're not, we'll probably be at Dealbroken, so check there too. $$$ Dudley gives first hints of slowing QE3 [FT] $$$ Bernanke Rejects Currency War Charges [WSJ] $$$ "Perhaps if we paid more money we’d have skilled associates." Instead you have bill padding. [DealBook] $$$ Tesla's Elon Musk tweets about big announcement for Thursday [CNET] $$$ "Hiring Richard Fuld is potentially so hazardous, he requires his own risk factor." [Overheard] $$$ The Most Expensive T-Shirt in New York City Costs $91,500.00 [The Awl]

$$$ Buffett: My Succession Plans Have Not Changed [CNBC] $$$ Meredith Whitney upgraded Citigroup [MarketBeat] $$$ Should you worry that all the big banks are growing their assets? [DealBook] $$$ Canadian approached for top BoE job [FT] $$$ Sallie Krawchek: "I've thought a lot about the issue of stereotypes, particularly on Wall Street. I can't count the number of times I have seen men slam something on a table, even throw something. You sort of do a mental eye roll and move on. I can count on one hand — on one finger — the number of tantrums I've seen a woman have. As she was having it, I remember thinking to myself, Bitch." [Marie Claire] $$$ The Ira Sohn Investment Idea Contest seeks to identify a great investment idea to help benefit children with cancer. This year's contest will be judged by an incredible group including Michael Price, Bill Ackman, David Einhorn, Joel Greenblatt and Seth Klarman. The winner will be selected based on the judges’ determination of the most compelling investment idea submitted with a one-year horizon, and will then get to present their investment idea at the Ira Soch Investment Conference itself in May. $$$ Morgan Stanley is looking for a market risk regulatory capital vice president [DBCC] $$$ London Goes After Trading in Yuan [WSJ] $$$ Bank of America Said to Put Foreign Wealth Management Unit Up for Sale [DealBook] $$$ Derivatives Lobby Has U.S. Regulators on the Run [Bloomberg / Roger Lowenstein] $$$ "We are in a depression, but not because we don’t know how to remedy the problem. We are in a depression because it is our revealed preference, as a polity, not to remedy the problem. We are choosing continued depression because we prefer it to the alternatives." [Interfluidity] $$$ "A Michigan lottery winner was charged with fraud Tuesday for collecting food stamps and public health insurance despite pocketing a $735,000 jackpot."

$$$ Eurozone demands six-day week for Greece [Guardian] $$$ Hedge funds perplexed by negative Bund yield conundrum [Reuters] $$$ Money market funds want to buy negative-yielding securities, pass the savings on to you [FT] $$$ Moody's: U.S Banking Outlook Negative Despite Stronger Banks [WSJ] $$$ Matt Taibbi says a lot of wrong things about private equity, which is surprising for some reason [Term Sheet] $$$ Jim Cramer's Mad Money is more popular at 3am [NYP] $$$ Sands Capital Management is looking for a senior associate in Virginia for public and private equity, focusing on life sciences [DBCC] $$$ Andrew Ross Sorkin doesn't think you appreciate that Facebook has lost $50 billion in market cap. Let him say that again for emphasis: fifty billion. Fifty billion! [DealBook] $$$ Barclays fired some people for manipulating Libor [Reuters] $$$ "IPhone Price Cuts Send Bond Inflation Bets To 11-Year Low" [Bloomberg] $$$ Felix Salmon's friends spend $410mm a year on wine [Reuters] $$$ Judge Orders Sex-Change Operation for Federal Prisoner [Law Blog] $$$ Fifty billion!

$$$ U.S. To Sell $4.5 Billion In AIG Stock In Public Offering [Bloomberg] $$$ Hiring Climbs but Jobless Rate Ticks Up [WSJ] $$$ Bloomberg wants to develop a Libor alternative and call it Blibor [WSJ] $$$ What's the Exxon Valdez up to these days? [Bloomberg] $$$ "I think there's just something about getting into chlorine water that you just automatically go." - Ryan Lochte [AP] $$$ An investing bank is looking for a Ph.D. quant for their derivatives modeling team, if that's of interest [DBCC] $$$ Or consider supporting a second edition of Doug Henwood's book Wall Street, "the best leftwing book on actually-existing-capitalism that’s been written in the last couple of decades," if that's more your thing [Crooked Timber] $$$ Financial weapons of mass irony [Reuters] $$$ Futures are swaps in reality but not in regulatory arbitrage [Streetwise Professor] $$$ Mustaches keep you safe from radiation [WaPo]