$$$ Ex-UBS Traders Offered Deal by U.S. in Rate Probe [WSJ] $$$ The history of the invention of Libor [Reuters] $$$ British MPs accuse US of anti-City agenda [FT] $$$ Why investors should avoid hedge funds [Reuters / Felix Salmon] $$$ "Brazilian central bank employees staged their first work stoppage in five years today ... demanding an average pay increase of 23 percent to compensate for inflation since June 2008." [Bloomberg via Slate] $$$ Pole Vaulter Realizes It’s Not His Day As His Pole Shatters Mid-Vault [Deadspin] $$$ J.P. Morgan is looking for a Java developer to work on interest rates derivatives pricing [DBCC] $$$ Carbon Credits Gone Awry Raise Output of Harmful Gas [NYT] $$$ "I propose an expanded system of company registration under which companies would have to trade in private markets for a seasoning period, with mandatory disclosure, before they would be allowed to sell their shares to the public at large." [Harvard Law] $$$ On retail vs. institutional investors: "As for small investors vs. little guys, there’s a difference. If you have enough money that you’re investing it through brokers, I personally don’t count you as small, even if you appear small to Goldman Sachs." [Mathbabe] $$$ A Hundred Horses Are Ford’s Pride After Flipping Tainted Banks is really a Bloomberg headline [Bloomberg] $$$ Beck's next album will be released only as sheet music [McSweeney's]

$$$ Excited for Whale day? [Reuters] $$$ Banks’ Libor costs may hit $22bn [FT] $$$ Bain Starts Raising Buyout Fund With $6 Billion Target [Bloomberg] $$$ PFG Employee Files Lawsuit for Wages so he could afford the new leash, harness and doggie bed he had bought for Apple, his terrier mix [FINS] $$$ Piggy bank has a new meaning in a town east of Vienna after a surveillance camera caught a wild pig on a night foray to a local branch of one of Austria’s financial institutions. The Austria Press Agency reports that the inquisitive porker managed to push open a locked sliding glass door of a bank in Hainburg an der Donau to make its way inside. After looking around, it left the same way it came without causing significant damage, with the door locking behind it. [AP] $$$ A prominent broker-dealer is looking for a junior non-agency mortgage trader [DBCC] $$$ Richard Posner: Why There Are Too Many Patents in America [Atlantic] $$$ Goldman recruits former Treasury spokesman [FT] $$$ In spite of the Barclays scandal, LIBOR product continues to do well [Sober Look] $$$ Here you will find NSFW pictures of dinosaur loving [Daily Mail]

$$$ Fed Proposes Broad Guidelines for Foreign Banks [WSJ] $$$ UBS Libor Pact Said to Include Charges Against Bankers [Bloomberg] $$$ SEC has examined Bank of America mortgage repurchases [Reuters] $$$ China investors grow angry at mud-slinging [FT] $$$ VIDEO: "Big Write-Offs Will Inspire You," Top AIG Exec Raps About Bailout [MoJo] $$$ Best Buy Gives Founder More Time to Make a Bid [DealBook] $$$ Apple Falls as UBS Projects Growth Slowdown [Bloomberg] $$$ This is a story about conversion-free contingent convertible notes [Euromoney] $$$ This is a story about an ad hoc group of sewer warrant holders [Bloomberg] $$$ "There's also the fear that admissions officers could develop Sandy fatigue. 'That's the risk, that everyone from New Jersey or New York is going to be writing about Sandy,' said Nicole Oringer, a private admissions counselor." [WSJ]

$$$ Argentina to Seize Control of Oil Firm [WSJ] $$$ World Bank picks Kim as next head [FT] $$$ Coty Tries to Rally Support for Avon Bid Amid Skepticism [DealBook] $$$ Brazil Cannibal Empanadas: Brazilian Women Murdered, Eaten And Made Into Human Pastries [HuffPo, congrats on the Pulitzer] $$$ PIMCO is looking to fill tax manager positions - in regulated and private funds - in Newport Beach [DBCC] $$$ New York Jets All-Pro D'Brickashaw Ferguson, will be on Wall Street (Exchange Place and Broad Street) at 3:45pm tomorrow as part of The Decathlon 2012. Ferguson will be demonstrating how The Decathlon uses performance-based donating ('charitybets') to raise money to support Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. He'll be charitybetting on any Wall Streeter to come out and participate in a Vertical Jump contest. Ferguson will have a Vertec (devise used at the NFL Combine to test vertical leaping) and a few thousand dollars - CASH - to donate to MSKCC. Jump 24-inches, Ferguson donates $100. Jump $26-inches, Ferguson donates $200. And so on and so forth. Registration for The Decathlon 2012 opens Tuesday, April 17th. The event is on Sunday, July 29th at Columbia University's Wien Stadium. $$$ For Two Economists, the Buffett Rule Is Just a Start [NYT] $$$ Following Other People's Stock Picks Just Got Easier but why? [Bloomberg] $$$ What is Carney talking about? [Reuters / Ben Walsh] $$$ ECB staff demand inflation protection [Money Supply] $$$ Rock Out With Your Cock Out: Penis Warmers Are Now a Thing [Fashionista] $$$ Breasts lead to arrest of Anonymous hacker [CNET]

$$$ Fed Seen Starting QE3 While Extending Rate Pledge to 2015 [Bloomberg] $$$ There's a new iPhone [NYT] $$$ EADS and BAE in tie-up talks [FT] $$$ Investors Ready for Wave of European Corporate Bonds [WSJ] $$$ Valiant Capital founder Chris Hansen is offering to buy a beer for everyone in Seattle [AR] $$$ JFK airport workers were arrested for stealing "tens of thousands of mini-bottles of liquor and duty-free merchandise from JFK International Airport" after an investigation called "Operation Last Call" [Fox] $$$ BlackRock's Beta Strategies team is looking for a portfolio manager [DBCC] $$$ J.P. Morgan Reorganizes Investment Banking [WSJ] $$$ Barclays Picks New Head of U.S. Rates Trading [WSJ] $$$ From Credit Suisse to Jerky: One Man's Dried Beef Odyssey [BW] $$$ Everyone involved in the Harvard cheating scandal is suing everybody else [IvyGate] $$$ "Police in Florida said a man using a credit card to buy beer was arrested after the bartender recognized the credit card as his own." [UPI]

$$$ Hopes for central bank action mount [FT] $$$ Mohamed El-Erian: "There is only so much central banks can do" [FT] $$$ Got Cash in Greek Banks? Don't Pull It! [NetNet] $$$ Hedge fund closures hit 2-year high in 1st quarter [Reuters] $$$ A "driven, even obsessive entrepreneur with a proclivity for micromanagement" who is unlikely to take his company public [NYTM] $$$ Also, bath salts [Spin] $$$ "Looking like Jesus can have a very powerful effect on people. When I appeared on stage as Jesus for the first time, a man saw me and collapsed into tears. Looking like this in daily life can be interesting. When I go into bars, for example, I always see people nudging each other. Invariably someone will come up to me with a bottle of water and ask me to turn it into wine. That happens a lot. I was on a date once in a wine bar, and we ended up with three tables joined together with everyone wanting to re-enact the Last Supper using the wine and the bread. It was strange, but fortunately the girl I was with thought it was fun." [FT] $$$ MetLife is looking for an associate director level credit derivatives trader in New Jersey [DBCC] $$$ In Motion, Facebook Lays Out Defense and Highlights Nasdaq’s Missteps [DealBook] $$$ Gupta Jurors Saw American Dream and Convicted [Bloomberg] $$$ The JPMorgan Whale’s regulatory motive [FTAV] $$$ "Can We Watch Some European Football Please?" asks Jim O'Neill [GSAM] $$$ The NFL will let fans pay for All-22 footage [WSJ] $$$ For one protester, 'Occupy' becomes a way of life [Reuters]

$$$ RBS reaches Libor settlement [FT] $$$ Bernanke Voiced Alarm Over Credibility of Ratings Firms [Bloomberg] $$$ The Receivables Exchange [Sober Look] $$$ Rollover Risk as Market Discipline: A Two-Sided Inefficiency [FRBNY] $$$ Goldman has a new "what kind of banker would you be?" quiz [Bloomberg View] $$$ "Staff at a Japanese zoo have been practising procedures designed to recapture escaped animals in the event of an earthquake. An employee of Tama Zoo outside Tokyo donned a zebra costume during the drill as emergency workers set up a barricade. Carrie Gracie describes how the scenario culminated in the 'zebra' being tranquilised." There is video. [BBC] $$$ Highland is looking for a desk analyst for credit trading in Dallas [DBCC] $$$ Nasdaq Talks Settlement in Facebook IPO [WSJ] $$$ LBOs, junk yields, and earnings yields [Free Exchange] $$$ Two students lose fingers in tug-of-war at California high school [Reuters] $$$ Death Star Lollipops [Copyranter]

$$$ Markets are building up a tolerance to Eurozone blather [Sober Look, RTE] $$$ Germany set to allow eurozone bailout fund to buy troubled countries' debt [Guardian] $$$ EU official says Greek bailout terms up for talks [Reuters] $$$ Goldman Stuck With a Defense Tab, and Awaiting a Payback [DealBook] $$$ College graduates with arts majors are pretty employed [Gawker] $$$ Mark Ruffalo Joins Call for a Tax on Wall Street [DealBook] $$$ Surely you'd like to join Morgan Stanley's Structured Secured Funding desk in New York as an Executive Director? [DBCC] $$$ Walgreen to Spend $6.7 Billion on Alliance Boots Stake [WSJ] $$$ Jefferies profits hit by trading slump [FT] $$$ Nelson Peltz’s Trian Partners Takes Lazard Stake [II] $$$ BNY Mellon settles with Prudential Fin over forex trades [Reuters] $$$ Stay-Rich-Quick Schemes [McSweeney's]