Claw Is Out For 'Whale' Officials (WSJ) The nation's biggest bank is expected to claw back compensation from individuals including Ina Drew, who ran the company's Chief Investment Office, according to people familiar with the bank's plans. Dimon Risk Reputation On Line As JPMorgan Faces Analysts (Bloomberg) In a departure from his customary earnings-day conference call, Dimon will meet analysts for two hours on July 13 at the bank’s New York headquarters to field questions about the loss and what he’s doing to contain the damage. Scandal Shakes Trading Firm (WSJ) The firm, Peregrine Financial Group Inc., filed Tuesday evening in Chicago to liquidate under Chapter 7 of the bankruptcy code. Earlier in the day, the Commodity Futures Trading Commission filed a lawsuit in federal court in Chicago accusing Peregrine Financial and its founder, Russell Wasendorf Sr., of fraud, customer-funds violations and making false statements. The CFTC said shortfalls may have been present since at least February 2010. A spokeswoman for the FBI said it has also begun an investigation into the company, also known as PFGBest. Brokerage and retail customers had their accounts frozen as regulators began looking into the company's books. Police in Cedar Falls, Iowa, said they found Mr. Wasendorf, 64, in his silver Chevrolet Cavalier Monday morning outside the company headquarters, with a hose running from the car's tailpipe. His son, company President Russell Wasendorf Jr., told the company's roughly 200 employees late Monday that his father had left behind a note alluding to "a crime that had been committed," according to one employee. Diamond Rebuts Claims By UK Lawmakers (WSJ) Former Barclays CEO Robert Diamond hit back at allegations he had misled U.K. lawmakers when giving evidence over an interest-rate scandal, calling them "unfair and unfounded." HSBC Is Sorry (WSJ) will apologize at a U.S. Senate hearing for its lax efforts to prevent money laundering, the London-based lender's chief executive said in an internal memo. "Between 2004 and 2010, our anti-money-laundering controls should have been stronger and more effective and we failed to spot and deal with unacceptable behaviour," Stuart Gulliver said in the memo, sent to employees Tuesday. Tigers Kill Man Who Scaled Fence At Danish Zoo (Reuters) A man was killed by tigers at a zoo on Wednesday after he scaled a fence and crossed a moat to get into their enclosure in the Danish capital Copenhagen, police said. The man, in his early 20s, was savaged by three tigers after he broke into Copenhagen Zoo in the early hours. He was dead when staff arrived for work. "We received an emergency call at about 7:30 a.m. that a person had been found lying in the tiger pen and that three tigers were surrounding that person," police Superintendent Lars Borg told Reuters. "The tigers attacked him and killed him. It is likely that a bite to the throat was the primary reason for his death," Borg said. Australia Is No Spain, Says Official (CNBC) Australia’s Deputy Prime Minister and Treasurer Wayne Swan has denied that Australia’s economy is at risk of a Spain-like economic crisis, calling the thesis put forth by the former chief Asia-Pacific economist for Morgan Stanley, Andy Xie “absurd”. “Let’s go through the fundamentals," Swan said. "Bringing our budget back to surplus in 2012-2013, low unemployment, strong job creation over time, a record investment pipeline in resources – half a trillion (dollars). What planet does he live on?” San Bernardino Becomes Third California City Seeking Bankruptcy (Reuters) The decision by the leaders of San Bernardino, a city of about 210,000 residents approximately 65 miles east of Los Angeles, followed a report by city staff that said the city faced an imminent financial crisis. The report said the city had exhausted its reserves and projected spending would exceed revenue by $45 million in the current fiscal year which started on July 1. Dalio Hits Midyear Off 2.7% (NYP) After leaving its rivals in the dust for the past two years with mouth-watering double-digit returns, Bridgewater is now trailing them. Its flagship fund, Pure Alpha, fell 2.7 percent in 2012’s first half. Wildebeest takes on 18ft killer crocodile (DM) As regular as the seasons themselves, herds of wildebeest make an annual migration across east Africa - following rainfall and the growth of new grass. Exploiting this predictability, each year predators lay in wait until the migrating beasts come into their killing zone. Day or night, death can come to the young, sick or simply unlucky members of the herd - swiftly from a single cheetah, or without mercy from a pride of lions or pack of hyenas. For one young male, the end came not on the plains but in one of Kenya's heaving rivers - delivered by one of nature's apex killing machines. Like all in his herd, the doomed wildebeest was taking his chances crossing the Mara River in the Masai Mara reserve in Kenya. Unfortunately for him, he walked straight into the path of an 18ft Nile crocodile - a species of predator so efficient that it has barely changed throughout evolution. The crocodile used its huge weight and strength to attack the beast as it was already caught off balance by the rushing water and uneven footing. Its enormous jaw span virtually took in the entire wildebeest's body as the victim attempted in vain to escape the attack.

France’s LBO Firms See ‘Death’ From Hollande’s 75% Carry Tax (Bloomberg) Hollande, who released his first annual budget on Sept. 28, plans to tax fund managers’ share of the profit from their investments, known as carried interest, at a rate of as much as 75 percent, part of a wider effort to increase taxes on the wealthy and narrow the country’s deficit. France also plans to as much as double taxes on capital gains and restrict the amount of debt interest payments a company can deduct from its taxable income, a measure that will reduce returns on leveraged buyouts. Facebook Test Turns Users Into Advertisers (FT) Facebook is testing a new product in the US that allows ordinary users to pay to promote their own status updates, marking a shift in the social network’s willingness to charge its users for a core service. The product has potential to generate revenues, analysts said, but could also threaten the organic feel of the site as people pay to market their own social lives. Mark Zuckerberg Confirms: 'I wear the same thing everyday' (DL) "I mean, I wear the same thing every day, right? I mean, it's literally, if you could see my closet," Zuckerberg starts to explain, as Lauer asks if he owns 12 of the same gray t-shirt. "Maybe about 20," Zuckerberg admits, somewhere between discussing the future of Facebook, his daily routine, the iPhone 5, and his wedding to college sweetheart Priscilla Chan last May. The Facebook CEO says that he doesn't really have much in his closet — it's mainly used by his wife, who graduated from medical school at the University of California at San Francisco shortly before their marriage. Instead, Zuckerberg's identical t-shirt collection lives in the one drawer he's allotted. Tiger Global Up 22.4 Percent (Reuters) Tiger Global, one of the world's best-performing hedge funds, ended the third quarter with strong gains, leaving the fund up 22.4 percent for the year, two people familiar with the numbers said on Wednesday. The roughly $6 billion fund, run by Chase Coleman and Feroz Dewan, has been the darling of the investment community for its string of strong returns at a time when the average hedge fund is delivering only low single-digit returns. In 2011, when most funds nursed losses, Tiger Global captured headlines with a 45 percent gain for the year after having made a good chunk of money on the short side, people familiar with the portfolio said. 'Dark Pool' And SEC Settle (WSJ) The Securities and Exchange Commission alleged in its order that Boston-based broker-dealer eBX LLC allowed the third-party operator of its trading platform, called LeveL ATS, to use details on client orders, including the stocks involved and whether they were buy or sell orders, to its own advantage. That operator is Lava Trading, an electronic-trading unit of Citigroup, according to eBX. eBX agreed to pay $800,000 to settle the SEC's allegations. It did so without admitting or denying wrongdoing. Mohamed El-Erian: No corner offices at PIMCO (Fortune) "It doesn't matter whether you're CEO or whether you're an associate, you have the same size office. No corner offices. Just a conference room. And then I knew that I had made the right decision when my very first outing with PIMCO, I had come from the IMF, 15 years working on emerging markets. I had a swagger, I thought I knew what I was talking about. I put forward my view, and this summer intern felt safe enough to get up and say, "You know what? Mohamed is wrong and this is why he's wrong." The fact that PIMCO had created this safe zone where a summer intern could get up and question someone who was supposed to be an expert confirmed to me that I was in the right place." Bank-Friendly U.S. Regulator Shifts Focus to Revamp Reputation (Bloomberg) In a stately hearing room stuffed with senators and bankers, Thomas Curry began his apologies. His agency should have stopped a major bank from helping drug cartels launder cash. The violations went on for years while his agency was overly passive. “I deeply regret we did not act sooner,” he said. Curry had been on the job for just over three months on that day in July, so the mistakes hadn’t been made on his watch. His apologies were less a confession than a signal the new Comptroller of the Currency -- long seen as the most bank- friendly of U.S. regulators -- was changing course. “I’m not interested in what people thought about in the past,” Curry said in an interview. “My focus is going forward.” Since he took over in March, at least two key staff members closely associated with the agency’s pro-industry stance have departed, notably chief counsel Julie Williams. Williams, a 19- year OCC veteran, was known for helping nationally chartered banks resist state regulation by arguing they were preempted by often less-stringent federal rules. Curry has also raised the profile of consumer protection and shifted focus toward “operational risk” -- the idea that bank practices and management can pose as much of a threat to safety and soundness as external forces. Argentine Navy Ship Seized In Asset Fight (FT) An Argentine naval vessel crewed by more than 200 sailors has been seized in Ghana as part of an attempt by the US hedge fund Elliott Capital Management to collect on bonds on which Buenos Aires defaulted in 2001. A Ghanaian court ordered an injunction and interim preservation order against the ARA Libertad, a 100-metre long tall ship, following an application by Elliott subsidiary NML Capital on Tuesday. The hedge fund, run by the US billionaire Paul Singer, has been closely monitoring the course of the Libertad, according to sources familiar with the firm. Elliott had been waiting for the ship to stop in a port where it would have a chance to enforce legal judgments previously awarded by UK and US courts. The hedge fund declined to comment. Argentina slammed the interception of the Libertad as a “trick which these unscrupulous financiers” had pulled, adding that it “violates the Vienna Convention on diplomatic immunity”. Morgan Stanley commodities talks with Qatar hit snag (Reuters) Morgan Stanley's talks with Qatar's sovereign wealth fund over the sale of its commodities business have run into difficulty, and the deal may need to be reworked if it is to go ahead, banking sources said. One of the top banks in commodity trading over the past 30 years, Morgan Stanley has been in discussion for more than a year with Qatar over the sale of at least a majority stake in the energy-focused trading business, the bankers said. "There have been some differences, and Qatar is a bit lukewarm about it," one said. "It's not dead yet but definitely not imminent." Maple syrup stolen in Quebec seized by police in New Brunswick (The Star) Quebec police have seized between 700 and 800 barrels of maple syrup from a New Brunswick exporter, linking the drums to August’s massive heist of the sweet stuff. Étienne St-Pierre, owner of S.K. Exports in Kedgwick, N.B., told the Star that police executed a search warrant Sept. 26 and hauled away the barrels. “They said they were searching to find some stolen drums from Quebec,” he said. “It was a surprise. That was the first news I received.” St-Pierre said each barrel weighs about 270 kilograms and holds 170 litres of syrup, meaning police seized at least 119,000 litres of gooey Quebec gold. A spokesperson for the Sûreté du Québec, Sgt. Bruno Beaulieu, confirmed a search warrant had been executed in Kedgwick but said he could not comment on the investigation. The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers has never revealed the amount of syrup stolen from its secure St-Louis-de-Blandford, Que. warehouse in August. The facility held about 3.75 million litres of syrup, enough to fill one and a half Olympic swimming pools. St-Pierre said he obtained the barrels from a regular Quebec supplier, who he refused to identify.

Barclays CEO’s Ethics Talk Drowns Out Silence on Profit (Bloomberg) Jenkins, who took over after Robert Diamond departed in the wake of the bank’s fine for rigging Libor, is set to reveal the conclusions of his six-month review of the lender’s operations at London’s Royal Horticultural Halls on Feb. 12. While he may cut about 2,000 jobs, pledge to reform culture and reduce pay to boost returns, he’s unlikely to follow UBS AG and eliminate entire business lines, according to investors and analysts. That’s because the securities unit that Diamond built out of the remains of Barclays De Zoete Wedd over the 15 years from 1996 still contributes about half of the lender’s profit. Meredith Whitney Pans New Citi Chief Corbat (NYP) “He didn’t give us an agenda and he didn’t even give us a stamp for when he’s going to give us an agenda, so it left people a little bit uninspired,” she said during an interview with Bloomberg TV yesterday. Deutsche Bank Said to Fire 10 Traders as Banks Retrench (Bloomberg) Deutsche Bank AG fired between 10 and 12 European power and natural gas traders in London as it cuts staff trading physical commodities, two people with knowledge of the matter said. There are at least two traders still unwinding positions as Europe’s biggest lender is reducing trading in physical energy markets, said the people, who asked for anonymity because the information is private. Nick Bone, a company spokesman in London, declined to comment when reached yesterday by phone. Buffett’s Son Says He’s Prepared Whole Life for Berkshire Role (Bloomberg) Protecting Berkshire’s culture “means that I need to make sure that people feel that they’ve been treated fairly, that whatever my dad committed to them remains committed,” Howard Buffett, 58, said in an interview with Bloomberg Television’s Betty Liu, airing today. The younger Buffett is a director of Coca-Cola Co., the world’s largest soft-drink maker, and once was the head of investor relations for Archer-Daniels-Midland Co. He said observing his father has helped him get ready to lead a board that also includes Microsoft Corp. co-founder Bill Gates and Stephen Burke, CEO of Comcast Corp.’s NBC Universal unit. “In a way, I’ve been preparing for it all my life,” Buffett told Liu. “In another way, I’ve been on the Berkshire board now 20 years. That’s a preparation.” Justin Timberlake Named Creative Director of Bud Light Platinum (Billboard) As part of the deal, Timberlake will be charged with providing “creative, musical and cultural curation” for the Bud Light Platinum brand, per a press release announcing the partnership. Additional terms were not disclosed. “Bud Light Platinum brings a refined, discerning aesthetic to beer that plays well with what I'm doing,” Timberlake said in a statement. Monte Paschi says considering legal action to protect business (Reuters) talian bank Monte dei Paschi said on Friday it is considering legal action against anyone who damages its commercial activity or spreads false information about the bank. In a statement, the bank said it had become the target of "attacks of various kinds involving, in certain circumstances, employees, creating considerable problems in the normal course of business. It said it was considering civil and penal action. Audacious Hack Exposes Bush Family Pix, E-Mail (TSG) The hacker also intercepted photos that George W. Bush e-mailed two months ago to his sister showing paintings that he was working on, including self-portraits of him showering and in a bathtub. Another image shows the former president painting at the family’s Maine retreat. Goldman Readies Fund Business For 'Volcker' (WSJ) For 20 years, Goldman wooed clients to invest in its private-equity funds with the security blanket that the bank and its partners went along for the same ride. But that is about to change. The looming "Volcker rule" is expected to sharply reduce the bank's investment in its own funds. That is forcing Goldman to make major changes in a $50 billion business that has reaped big profits for the bank and its employees and clients. Goldman likely will have to shrink the size of its own investment in its funds to just 3% from as much as 37% once the rule is finalized later this summer. The rule, part of the Dodd-Frank financial-overhaul law and named after former Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker, aims to restrict banks from making big bets with their own money. Goldman expects new funds it raises will be considerably smaller. The New York bank also will change the name of the business to avoid referencing its own name. GS Capital Partners and future funds may become "Broad Street," referring to both the firm's old headquarters and its first leveraged-buyout fund launched in 1986, according to people involved in the business. Ex-Tyco chief gets another chance at parole (NYP) Kozlowski was denied parole in April when state officials tossed out his application saying his release was not "compatible with the welfare of society at large." But in a ruling made public today, Justice Carol Huff this week called that decision "an unauthorized re-sentencing" of Kozlowski, adding that it lacked specifics. In making its decision, she said, the parole board must consider other factors beyond the crime including the inmate's institutional record, which the tycoon asserted is exemplary. The Politics Of Chris Christie's Weight (WSJ) The latest chatter about Mr. Christie's heaviness began on the "Late Show With David Letterman," when he pulled out a pastry and began eating as the comic asked whether his frequent jokes about the overweight Republican were offensive. The day after the good-natured stunt, Mr. Christie opened up about his struggles to lose weight. Later, a former White House physician, Connie Mariano, said she worried his weight made him a "time-bomb" at risk of dying in office. Mr. Christie quickly shot back, calling Dr. Mariano a fame-seeking "hack" who didn't know his health history and was needlessly worrying his children. On Thursday, Dr. Mariano, who attended to presidents George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush, said she stood by her assessment. "When I see someone of that size, I worry about various medical issues," she said. "It was not meant to be an attack on him personally."

Citigroup Leads Wall Street Banks In Moody’s Downgrade Dismissal (Bloomberg) Moody’s two-grade cut of Citigroup’s ratings was unwarranted, arbitrary and failed to recognize the lender’s financial strength, the New York-based bank said in a statement. Investors shouldn’t rely on “opaque” credit ratings, it said. “Moody’s approach is backward-looking and fails to recognize Citi’s transformation over the past several years,” said the bank. “Citi believes that investors and clients have become much more sophisticated in their credit analysis over the past few years, and that few rely on ratings alone -- particularly from a single agency -- to make their credit decisions.” Moody's Downgrade of Banks ‘Absurd,’ Says Dick Bove (CNBC) “This is one of the most absurd things that Moody’s has ever done perhaps in the history of the company,” said Dick Bove, Vice President of Equity Research in the Financial Sector at Connecticut-based Rochdale Securities. JPMorgan Trading Loss Drove Three-Level Standalone Cut (Bloomberg) “It illustrates the challenges of monitoring and managing risk in a complex global organization and highlights the opacity of such risks,” Moody’s said. Ratings Downgrade Cuts Deeply At Morgan Stanley (NYT) In an e-mail sent to staff members after the downgrade was announced, Mr. Gorman tried to reassure employees about the bank’s future. “While we do not believe that this outcome reflects all of the transformative changes we have made to the firm, there is an acknowledgment in Moody’s decision today that real progress has been made at Morgan Stanley, in what is an extremely difficult environment for our industry,” he wrote. Hedge Funds Mask Identities (WSJ) It is the latest in-vogue accessory among hedge-fund managers: a "masked fund." Bridgewater Associates has "ZQPGGAV00000," John Paulson has "Paulson Fund 1" while Cliff Asness's AQR Capital Management prefers "805-1355888867." The cryptic monikers, more product barcodes than real handles, enable the hedge-fund managers to shield the identities of their funds from the prying eyes of regulators and outsiders in forms filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission...The practice, allowed under a new SEC instruction that lets firms preserve the anonymity of their clients in certain cases, has irked some investors and their advisers. They argue that hiding funds' identities in regulatory filings undermines Washington's efforts to make the reticent world of hedge funds more transparent and hinders investors' efforts to keep tabs on the firms that manage their assets. Emails Ties Goldman Manager, Rajaratnam (WSJ) A current Goldman managing director exchanged emails with Galleon founder Raj Rajaratnam ahead of a daily "morning meeting" at Galleon, according to previously undisclosed emails and wiretapped phone call transcripts reviewed by The Wall Street Journal. In the emails, the Goldman manager offered what he called "tiddie biddies" about some top technology firms, including Apple and Intel Corp. Anderson Cooper Berates Photo-Snapping Airplane Passenger (LAT) "Normally I would just be like, 'We're not going to win this one,' but I've lately become emboldened," Cooper said in an interview. "I grabbed the guy on the shoulder and I said something to the effect of, 'Bitch, what ... are you doing?'" Pimco’s Gross Warns Of Risk Assets (Bloomberg) Gross, who manages $261 billion for the Pimco Total Return Fund (PTTRX), said in a Twitter post that risk markets are vulnerable as the “monetary bag of tricks empties.” Spanish Plan Is Flawed, Says IMF (WSJ) The euro zone needs to quickly set up a mechanism that allows it to directly recapitalize weak banks, "in order to break the negative feedback loop that we have between banks and sovereigns," IMF Managing Director Christine Lagarde said after a meeting with the bloc's finance ministers in Luxembourg. Ms. Lagarde also called for "creative and inventive" measures from the European Central Bank, suggesting that the bank could restart its bond-buying program to keep struggling countries' funding costs in check or further cut already-low interest rates. Einhorn Enters $1 Million Buy-In Poker Tournament For Charity (Bloomberg) Einhorn, who finished 18th in the World Series of Poker’s main event in 2006, is among at least 42 entrants for the July 1-3 charity event in Las Vegas, known as the Big One for One Drop. Angry Moms Take On Nutella (Bloomberg) Laura Rude-Barbato, a coffee shop owner in Imperial Beach, California, used to feed her children Nutella several times a week [because she for some reason didn't realize that a chocolate spread might be filled with sugar]. It was easy to identify with the advertising that depicted a frenzied mom serving up the chocolate-hazelnut spread with the tagline “breakfast never tasted this good,” said Rude-Barbato. Then she noticed the 10.5 grams of sugar per tablespoon. “I had no idea,” she says. “I might as well have been giving my kids a brownie for breakfast.” Rude-Barbato kicked the Nutella habit, then joined a class action lawsuit in a federal court in California that claimed Ferrero SpA’s U.S. unit misled consumers via labeling and marketing into thinking Nutella was healthy.

Goldman Names New Finance Chief (WSJ) Mr. Viniar has told colleagues he wants to spend more time at his home in Santa Barbara, Calif., where he often returns on the weekends. His thrice-weekly basketball game has been on hold since he underwent knee-replacement surgery this year. Goldman's New CFO Harvey Schwartz to Receive $1.85 Million in Annual Salary (Reuters) Schwartz's predecessor is among the best-paid executives on Wall Street. He earned $15.8 million last year and held 1.8 million shares of Goldman as of March 26, according to a proxy filing. In 2007, he made $58.5 million. Mary Schapiro May Be Heading For Exit (NYP) Sources say that Schapiro is chafing under the political gridlock in Washington that she feels has stymied a number of her initiatives. “Part of the problem for [Schapiro] is that the tone in Washington has been so partisan,” said Christopher Whalen, of Tangent Capital Partners. The chairwoman’s recent handling of talks surrounding new rules governing money-market funds, some detractors say, has also created bad blood within the SEC. “She’s just frustrated,” Whalen noted. However, Schapiro’s critics say she hasn’t cracked the whip hard enough on Wall Street bad guys. One former Washington insider said that Schapiro is liked by President Obama and would stay on until a replacement is named, should he win re-election. One possible early front-runner to replace Schapiro may be FINRA CEO Richard Ketchum, sources speculate. For Superfast Stock Traders, A Way To Jump Ahead In Line (WSJ) Haim Bodek was a Wall Street insider at Goldman Sachs and UBS before launching his own trading firm. Now he is taking on the financial establishment that spawned him. Mr. Bodek approached the Securities and Exchange Commission last year alleging that stock exchanges, in a race for more revenue, had worked with rapid-fire trading firms to give them an unfair edge over everyday investors. He became convinced exchanges were providing such an edge after he says he was offered one himself when he ran a high-speed trading firm—a way to place orders that can be filled ahead of others placed earlier. The key: a kind of order called "Hide Not Slide." The encounter set off an odyssey for Mr. Bodek that has fueled a sweeping SEC inquiry into the activities of sophisticated trading firms and stock-exchange operators—including Nasdaq OMX Group Inc., NYSE Euronext, Direct Edge Holdings LLC and BATS Global Markets—according to exchange and other officials, and lawyers with knowledge of the inquiry. Vulture Funds Seek Fresh Meat (WSJ) “There hasn’t been a big bankruptcy in the last six to nine months,” said a hedge fund investor. “More stuff is coming out of distress than is going in.” US corporate bankruptcy filings peaked in the second quarter of 2009, at around 16,000, and have been trending downward ever since. In the first quarter of 2011, they hit about 11,000, according to the American Bankruptcy Institute. Silver Point co-founder Edward Mulé is optimistic the feast will continue. The $6.7 billion firm has had one of the best performances of distressed funds. It gained 10.36 percent this year through August and is up 98.6 percent since January 2009. “The tail of the 2008/2009 distressed credit cycle, coupled with weak global growth and de-leveraging, will continue to generate a steady stream of interesting opportunities,” said Mulé in a recent investor letter. Inside The Dark World Of Online Sugar Daddies (BuzzFeed Shift) Shortly after my profile's approval, emails started flooding my new fake account. One was from "International Finance Don Juan." He wrote: "You look hot. Let's meet." He claimed he was exotic and athletic, over six feet and an independent stockbroker on his profile. After some small talk, he asked to meet me at the W — a "cool" luxury chain where seemingly all these guys wanted to meet or get a hotel room. “Don Juan” had sent a face shot of himself. It was cropped and a little blurry, but I had a general idea of what he looked like. When he walked in to the lobby bar, though, instead of "athletic," he looked as if he could have checked off "more to love." I guess all that matters is that these guys have the cash they say they have...He asked what I'd like to drink. I said I liked pinot noir or champagne. "Oh, Prosecco is basically the same thing," he said, and ordered me one. I had made up a story that I was a graduate student in literature at Sarah Lawrence so I was only in the city once or twice a week to see friends. He wasn't trying to feign interest, but was looking my body over in a conspicuous way. "You've got an amazing ass," he said. "I looked when we were walking in. I hope you don't mind." He attempted to wink, but it seemed more like a tic. I said thanks in the most convincing way I could to a sweaty, slobbering guy with the most repugnant perpetual hard-on visible through his khakis. "You like me?" he asked. "You seem very nice. I'm just, I'm just suddenly not feeling well," I blurted out. "You feel sick, or you're not into me?" he asked. "You know, if you want, I live close. You could come and lie down and I can give you a massage. Since it's our first time meeting, once you're better, you could just give me a blow job. How about $550? Probably the quickest $550 you'll ever make, huh?" Soros Fund Invests in Mozambique Ethanol Project (WSJ) The Soros Economic Development Fund on Wednesday said its investment will give it a 19% stake in the $20 million project, started by food-and-energy company CleanStar Mozambique. Executives say the investment is in line with the fund's aim of backing businesses that provide a return on capital and spur broader economic development. US Fiscal Cliff Trumps EU Crisis as Top Worry (CNBC) A looming fiscal problem in the U.S. is now identified as the top tail risk for investors, marking the first time in 17 months that Europe’s debt crisis was not seen as the biggest concern for fund managers, a monthly survey by Bank of America/Merrill Lynch shows. The U.S. “fiscal cliff,” a combination of tax hikes and spending cuts set to come into force in January 2013, was identified by 35 percent of respondents as the largest risk going forward, up from 26 percent in August. In contrast, 33 percent of the respondents rated the euro zone debt crisis as their biggest concern, down from 48 percent in August. The survey of 186 fund managers, who oversee a combined $524 billion, was conducted from Sept. 7 to 13. BOE Looks Set For More Stimulus (WSJ) Rate-setters think the annual rate of inflation will take longer to fall to its 2% target than they thought last month because of rising commodity prices and an increase in companies' labor costs, according to the minutes of the September meeting of the central bank's Monetary Policy Committee, published Wednesday. Annual inflation was 2.5% in August. Lindsay Lohan arrested in New York after striking pedestrian outside nightclub (NYDN) Lohan was arrested early Wednesday in New York after hitting a pedestrian with a Porsche, police said. The troubled actress was maneuvering around a crowd of people in an alley between the Dream Downtown, a hotel and nightclub in the Meatpacking District, and the Maritime restaurant. "She's driving in this freight area, going very slow," a police source said. "She's hitting her horn because there's a lot of people in the area. The crowd moves but she kind of brushes against this one guy. Lohan was driving a 2010 black Porsche Carrera, not hers, when the incident occured around 12:30 a.m. Lohan and friends went inside the club, and the man — who hasn't been named but is 34 — called police. Lohan was later arrested about 2:30 a.m. and booked for leaving the scene of an accident with an injury. She was issued a desk appearance ticket. Her lawyer took the car after the arrest.

Goldman Sachs Profit Falls 11%, Beating Estimates (Bloomberg) Net income slid 11 percent to $962 million, or $1.78 a share, from $1.09 billion, or $1.85, a year earlier, the New York-based company said today in a statement. Earnings surpassed the highest estimate among 25 analysts surveyed by Bloomberg. Goldman Sachs’s second-quarter revenue from asset management rose 5 percent to $1.33 billion, exceeding the $1.18 billion average estimate of seven analysts. Chief Executive Officer Lloyd C. Blankfein, 57, who has run the company for six years, last month blamed a temporary reaction to the financial crisis for a slowdown that reduced Goldman Sachs’s first-half revenue to the lowest since 2005. Goldman Builds Private Bank (WSJ) The New York securities firm, known for its aggressive trading and big corporate deal-making, is ramping up its activities to become a private bank to serve wealthy customers around the world. The new unit will also lend more directly to corporations, some of whom already make investments and do business with Goldman. Executives have set a goal of $100 billion in loans, up from $12 billion at the end of March. Gross Says U.S. Nearing Recession (Bloomberg) The U.S. is “approaching recession when measured by employment, retail sales, investment, and corporate profits,” Gross, who manages the $263 billion Pimco’s Total Return Fund, wrote on Twitter yesterday. Senate Probe Faults HSBC (WSJ) Executives of HSBC ignored warnings for years that the bank's far-flung operations were being used by money-launderers and potential terrorist financiers, according to a Senate investigation. King Defends BOE Libor Role After Scrutiny On Geithner Memo (Bloomberg) King told Parliament’s Treasury Committee today in London that the e-mail sent by the then president of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York included recommendations rather than allegations at a time when global regulators were expressing concern on the quality of the borrowing benchmark. “Mr. Geithner was sending that to us as a suggestion for how these rules should be constructed and we agreed with him, but neither of us had evidence of wrongdoing,” King said. “The first I knew of any alleged wrongdoing was when the reports came out two weeks ago.” Jonah Falcon, Man With World's Largest Penis, Frisked By TSA At California Airport (HP) Jonah Falcon was stopped and frisked by the TSA at the San Francisco International Airport on July 9 because of a bulging package hidden in his pants. But the 41-year-old New Yorker wasn't packing a dirty bomb, drugs or a Costco-sized tube of toothpaste. The New Yorker has the world's largest recorded penis. "I had my 'stuff' strapped to the left. I wasn't erect at the time," said Falcon, whose penis is 9 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect. "One of the guards asked if my pockets were empty and I said, 'Yes.'" Falcon said he knew that his interview was about to get a lot more personal when he was led through one of the X-ray body scanners and passed a metal detector. "Another guard stopped me and asked me if I had some sort of growth," Falcon said, laughing. By the age of 18, Falcon knew he had something special when his manhood reached a whopping 12 inches. His family jewel was hailed as the world's largest on record after an HBO documentary featured him in 1999. S&P 500 Nears ‘Ultimate’ Death Cross: SocGen (CNBC) The S&P 500 index is on the verge of hitting an “ultimate” death cross, where the market’s 50-month moving average falls below the 200-month average, according to a research note by Societe Generale...In the Societe Generale note, published on Monday, strategist Albert Edwards said the last time the S&P 500 came close to a monthly death cross was in 1978, “towards the end of the 1965-82 secular bear market.” CFTC's Gensler acknowledges failure in Peregrine's oversight (Reuters) The U.S. futures regulator acknowledged on Tuesday that the regulatory system "failed" the customers of Peregrine Financial Group, which collapsed last week as its founder admitted he had committed a $100 million fraud that spanned two decades...The stunning downfall of Peregrine Financial Group, or PFGBest, and its founder Russell Wasendorf Sr is another blow to the futures industry after regulators estimated that roughly $200 million in customer money might be missing. It comes just months after MF Global Holdings Ltd's bankruptcy, which left customers with a $1.6 billion shortfall and which is still being investigated. For Olympic Athletes, 45 Minute Bus Trip Turns Into Fiasco (NYT) By the end of the day, organizers were struggling to explain how three buses carrying dozens of athletes, officials and journalists to the Olympic Village from Heathrow Airport lost their way in the maze of London’s streets, causing one American medal hopeful, the 400-meter hurdler Kerron Clement, to post a Twitter message in desperation after four hours aboard a bus that should have made the distance in 45 minutes. “Athletes are sleepy, hungry and need to pee. Could we get to the Olympic Village please,” Mr. Clement wrote as the driver, struggling to understand the route given by the bus’s GPS device, finally abandoned repeated forays up dead-end streets and pulled out a map. “Um, so we’ve been lost on the road for 4hrs. Not a good first impression London,” he added.

Barclays Cautious Despite Investment Bank Gains (WSJ) In the first quarter of 2012 Barclays said total revenue fell 25% to £5.52 billion ($8.92 billion) from £7.34 billion a year before. The group recorded a net loss of £337 million for the quarter compared with net profit of £1.24 billion a year earlier. Chief Executive Bob Diamond said the business environment picked up in the second half of last year, but "frankly it remains quite challenging." Mr. Diamond warned that economic conditions across Europe and the U.K. had deteriorated since January, as the sugar rush caused by cheap loans dished out by the European Central Bank began to fade. "It was not a robust first quarter; it was only robust compared to the third and fourth quarter," Mr. Diamond said. "There is still slow economic growth around the world." Deutsche Bank Profit Drops On Debt Crisis (BW) The slowdown in April hasn’t been “significant” and Deutsche Bank needs to assess the effect of the Easter holidays on revenue, Chief Financial Officer Stefan Krause said today on a conference call. Pretax profit at Deutsche Bank’s investment banking unit fell to 1.72 billion euros in the first quarter from 2.29 billion euros a year earlier and compares with a 422 million loss in the fourth quarter. That beat the 1.64 billion-euro average estimate of eight analysts. More Americans Than Projected Filed Jobless Claims Last Week (Bloomberg) Jobless claims fell by 1,000 to 388,000 in the week ended April 21 from a revised 389,000 the prior period that was the highest since early January, Labor Department figures showed today in Washington. The median forecast of 48 economists surveyed by Bloomberg News called for a drop to 375,000. SEC Faces Questions About Tipster Policy (WSJ) "Whistleblowers are essential to root out fraud and malfeasance," the senator wrote in a letter sent Wednesday afternoon to SEC Chairman Mary Schapiro and reviewed by the Journal. "I am concerned that the SEC may not be properly protecting the identity of whistleblowers and others who come to the SEC with information on securities law violations." La Guardia flights delayed when dog flees Delta jet and sprints to runway (NYP) A puppy took flight at La Guardia Airport yesterday, speeding down a busy runway and dodging planes and a posse of desperate pursuers. Taxiing airliners ground to a screeching halt, giving their passengers front-row views of the spectacle that at one point saw a frustrated worker get down on his hands and knees in an unsuccessful attempt to convince the 14-month-old Rhodesian ridgeback, named Byrdie, to surrender. In a final fit of desperation, Port Authority cops pulled the dog’s owner, Austin Varner, off her Delta flight and drove her out to the tarmac. Byrdie broke free while being loaded on the plane in a kennel at around 10:20 a.m. — and the 70-pound pooch made a beeline down the tarmac. An air-traffic controller barked into his radio, “We got a dog running like crazy down there.” Former Morgan Stanley Exec Pleads Guilty In Anti-Bribery Case (Reuters) A former Morgan Stanley executive pleaded guilty to conspiring to evade internal controls required by a US anti-bribery law, in a case that underlines the fall of a once high-flying dealmaker for the firm in China. Garth Peterson, who was a managing director in Morgan Stanley’s real estate investment and fund advisory business, also settled yesterday related charges with securities regulators, and agreed to roughly $3.7 million in sanctions and a permanent bar from the industry. Peterson secretly arranged to have millions paid to himself and a Chinese official and disguised the payments as finder’s fees charged to Morgan Stanley, regulators said. Geithner Warns Of Economic Risks (Bloomberg) Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner is warning that the US economy faces risks from the “severe and protracted crisis” in Europe while the feud with Iran has put upward pressure on oil prices. He added the economy will encounter a “fiscal cliff” at the end of the year when large spending cuts and tax increases are set to take effect. “That cliff presents a risk, but it also provides an opportunity for bipartisan agreement Bernanke Says Prepared To Do More As Policy Unchanged (Bloomberg) “We remain prepared to do more as needed to make sure that this recovery continues and that inflation stays close to target,” he said at a press conference today following a meeting of the Federal Open Market Committee in Washington. Additional bond-buying is still “very much on the table.” Bull Market For Chicken Feed (WSJ) In case you were wondering: "Futures for soybean meal, the protein in feed that makes broilers plump and juicy, are up 34% so far this year. Prices for the yellow powder, a soybean byproduct that resembles wheat germ, are outpacing the likes of crude oil and gold." In Mayfair, outrage over tire-slashing arrest (Philly) It was a little more than two months ago when a 44-year-old butcher named David Toledo had a message for the vandal who was slashing car tires up and down his block of Aldine Street and on nearby streets in his Holmesburg neighborhood. “I feel like butchering the one who is doing this,” Toledo said shortly after reporting to police that all four tires on his Jeep Cherokee had been slashed, just one week after the same thing had happened to his wife’s car. Wednesday night, Toledo’s outraged neighbors had a message for him: Back at ya, pal. The news that police had arrested Toledo in connection with the wave of tire slashings that had plagued parts of the Northeast angered and infuriated his neighbors, as they spilled out onto front steps on a bright spring evening to gossip and to vent. Adding insult to the injured tires is the fact that Toledo had been arguably the most vocal neighbor in speaking out against the vandalism and in urging fellow residents to organize a community watch group to nab the slasher.

Banks Must Cut Deeper to Help Stock Prices, McKinsey Says (Bloomberg) Banks must make deeper and more sweeping cost reductions if they want to restore profitability levels that are acceptable to investors, McKinsey & Co. said in an annual review of the industry. “It has to go a lot further,” Toos Daruvala, a director in the consulting firm’s North American banking practice and a co-author of the report, said yesterday in a phone interview. “Banks have done quite a lot on cost-cutting but frankly the environment has deteriorated over the last year” because of economic weakness, he said. Argentina rejects Singer’s $20M in ransom for ship’s release (NYP) At a court hearing today in Ghana, where hedge fund manager Paul Singer’s lawyers are holding the ARA Libertad hostage, a lawyer for Argentina argued that Singer had no right to detain the ship because it’s a military vessel and immune from seizure. Lawyer Larry Otoo called the seizure — a move by Singer to force Argentina to repay a $1.6 billion debt he says he’s owed — an embarrassment to Ghana and demanded the ship’s immediate return. The court is expected to rule Thursday on whether to release the ship. Singer, the head of hedge fund giant Elliot Management, is seeking to recoup some of the $600 million in bonds he purchased as Argentina was headed for default in 2001. Elliot bought the bonds at steep discounts, paying as little as 15 cents on the dollar in some cases, but has since won judgments of as much as $1.6 billion. Elliot’s NML Capital unit is pursuing Argentina’s assets all over the world in an effort to collect on its debt. In Gupta Sentencing, A Judgment Call (WSJ) Former Goldman Sachs Group Inc. director Rajat Gupta is the highest-profile of more than 70 defendants convicted of insider trading in New York federal court in the past three years. But this month he will likely receive a more lenient sentence than the 11-year-prison term given to Raj Rajaratnam, to whom Mr. Gupta provided his illegal leaks, legal experts say. The sentence may have reverberations beyond the 63-year-old Mr. Gupta, a former chief of consulting giant McKinsey & Co. It will be widely watched in executive suites nationwide because it will be among the first handed down to a major corporate figure in the recent insider-trading crackdown. Previous sentences have largely involved traders, lawyers, lower-rung corporate employees and others. Mr. Gupta, who was convicted in June of three counts of securities fraud relating to tips about Goldman and one count of conspiracy, didn't trade or profit directly from his illegal tips. Before the conviction, he had a long and stellar career in corporate America and philanthropy. All this will be balanced against the nature of the crimes and the need to discourage others from similar offenses when U.S. District Judge Jed Rakoff hands down his sentence, scheduled for Oct. 24. Judge Rakoff often imposes sentences further below federal sentencing guidelines than some other judges do, according to a Wall Street Journal analysis...Since 2010, Judge Rakoff has imposed an average sentence of 21 months on insider-trading defendants who didn't cooperate with prosecutors—about 38% below the guideline minimum, according to the Journal analysis. By comparison, U.S. District Judge Richard Sullivan issued seven sentences in that period averaging 6.3% below the guideline minimum. U.S. District Judge Paul Crotty issued three sentences at 20.3% less than the minimum. Goldman Pushes On Limits In Volcker Rule (WSJ) Some executives at the New York company believe they have found a way to extricate the credit funds from proposed limits on how much can be invested in hedge funds and private-equity funds, according to people briefed on the efforts. The Volcker rule caps a bank's total investments in hedge funds and private-equity funds at 3% of its so-called Tier-1 capital. It also prevents any single bank from accounting for more than 3% of a fund's investments. Those limits are among the biggest components of the rule, named after former Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker and designed to curtail risk-taking among financial firms. The rule is the most contentious part of the Dodd-Frank financial-overhaul law of 2010 but, like much of the rest of the legislation, the details of its implementation are still being worked out. Credit funds lend to companies that might not otherwise get financing, such as companies backed by private-equity firms, and tend to hold their investments to maturity while using a limited amount of leverage. Goldman has argued in meetings with regulators and in letters to them that these funds function like banks, just with a different structure, according to public records and the people familiar with the efforts. Report: 20% of US Firms Cook the Books During Earnings (CNBC) ...a new report by finance professors at Emory and Duke University raises questions about the quality of earnings in general. In an anonymous survey of CFOs last year, the study found that at least 20% of companies are "managing" earnings and using aggressive accounting methods to legally alter the outcome of their earnings reports. Of the 20% of companies that manipulated their earnings to hit a target, Graham says, a surprising 40% did so to the downside, not the upside, to pad and improve future quarters' earnings. Banks Chasing Asian Millionaires Create Singapore’s Canary Wharf (Bloomberg) Singapore’s Marina Bay area is emerging as the city’s new financial hub, with banks including Standard Chartered Plc and Barclays taking bigger offices as they pursue Asia’s expanding ranks of millionaires. Corrections & Amplifications (WSJ via Lauren Tara LaCapra) "Annie Hubbard, the woman appearing alongside Goldman Sachs's chief financial officer, Harvey Schwartz, in a photograph with a page-one article about Goldman on Tuesday, was incorrectly identified as his wife. Mr. Schwartz isn't married." Hulk Hogan ‘devastated’ by leak of sex tape filmed six years ago with friend’s wife Heather Clem (NYDN) The wrestling star tried to explain the kinky love triangle to Howard Stern Tuesday using a thinly veiled euphemism. “Let’s say I’ve been doing laundry, brother, for this person forever, and all of a sudden this person hates the way I do laundry. And that person says, ‘You suck. I hate you. F-you every single day. I hate the way you do laundry. I’m going to find somebody else to do laundry. Somebody younger, faster, stronger,’” he said, clearly taking a jab at his ex-wife, who he was still married to at the time of the taping. “But my buddy, you know, him and his girl say, ‘Hey, you can do our laundry any time you want!’ Both of them are saying that,” he told Stern. “Finally after the person I was doing laundry with for millions and millions of years left, and all of a sudden there was nobody there to do laundry, I was depressed… I go to my buddy’s house and he says, ‘Hey man you can do this other person’s laundry that I’m partners with.’ I said, 'Sure.’” Official Warmth And Public Rage For A German Leader In Athens (NYT) ...even as Ms. Merkel said that she had come as a “good friend and a real partner,” not a “taskmaster or teacher to give grades,” the approximately 40,000 Greeks who took to the streets in protest (a rather modest number, by Greek standards) treated the visit as a provocation by the arch-nemesis in the euro crisis whose austerity medicine is obliterating the Greek middle class. Some banners read “Don’t cry for us Mrs. Merkel” and “Merkel, you are not welcome here.” A small group of protesters burned a flag bearing the Nazi swastika, while a handful of protesters dressed in Nazi-style uniforms drew cheers of approval as they rode a small vehicle past a police cordon. Variety Being Sold To Penske, Third Point (Reuters) Variety, the century-old entertainment trade newspaper once considered the bible of the movie industry, is being sold to online publisher Jay Penske and Third Point LLC for about $25 million, two sources with knowledge of the deal told Reuters. Penske and Third Point have struck a deal to buy the money-losing, 107-year-old newspaper from medical and technical publisher Reed Elsevier, which put it up for sale in March, the sources said. IMF warns eurozone on capital flight (FT) In its global financial stability report, the IMF concluded that capital flight from the eurozone’s periphery to the bloc’s core, driven by fears of a break-up of the currency union, had sparked “extreme fragmentation” of the euro area’s funding markets. The fund said this was causing renewed pressure for banks to shrink their balance sheets, particularly those in countries with fiscal woes. A Fat, Mustachioed Orphan Finds a Home (NYT) How do you transport a 234-pound baby to New York City? If he’s a 15-week-old walrus rescued from the open ocean off Alaska, the answer is a jumbo-size crate aboard a FedEx cargo jet, accompanied by a veterinarian and a handler. “If he’s calm and comfortable, no worries,” said Jon Forrest Dohlin, director of the New York Aquarium, which will receive the walrus calf, named Mitik, on Thursday. “But his needs and comfort come first. So he may very well travel with his head in our keeper’s lap.” Since late July, Mitik and a second orphaned walrus, Pakak, have been nursed to health with bottle feedings and exercise at the Alaska SeaLife Center, an aquarium in Seward that conducts research and responds to strandings of marine mammals. (Pakak, nicknamed Pak, will arrive at the Indianapolis Zoo on Thursday.) Mitik — or Mit, for short — was weak from illness and considerably smaller than Pakak when he was found by a hunting vessel several miles offshore. Mit initially suffered from bladder problems and could not take a bottle, requiring both a catheter and feeding tube. But he is now sucking assertively from a bottle and putting on a pound a day...With his multiple chins and doleful expression, Mit is also exhibiting an undeniable pluck that should serve him well in his new surroundings. Martha Hiatt, the aquarium’s behavioral husbandry supervisor, traveled to Alaska in September to help care for him. At first, she said, Pakak totally dominated him, but no longer. “If Mit is resting with his head on my lap, sucking my fingers, looking sweetly into my eyes, and Pak comes anywhere near us, he pops up, yells at Pak and tries to head-butt him,” she said. “Then he’ll turn to me and be all cuddly again. We say he is small, but scrappy — the perfect New Yorker.”