$$$ Hedge fund performance YTD: Paul Tudor Jones +1.59%, David Einhorn +3.7%, Dan Loeb +3.9%, HFRX Global Index +1.22%, S&P +8% [Reuters] $$$ For Fletcher Investors: Unhappy Returns and, So Far, No Refunds [WSJ] $$$ Money market funds close after ECB cut [FT] $$$ CNBC thinks it's important to report the "hot news story" of Libor manipulation without mentioning Libor, for some reason [CNBC] $$$ Marxism is back [Guardian] $$$ Massachusetts man pays off mortgage with pennies [AP] $$$ A Chicago hedge fund is looking for a quant trader/ quant strategist to join a high frequency trading team [DBCC] $$$ Italy Approves €4.5 Billion in Spending Cuts for 2012 [WSJ] $$$ Commercial Mortgages Show How Bad It Got [NYT] $$$ Reverse mortgages: the celebrity pitchman aren’t even the worst part [Reuters / Ben Walsh] $$$ You can predict the outcome of negotiations and business pitches without hearing a word by observing the ratio of speaking to listening and the amount of voice fluctuation [Farnam Street] $$$ It's going to be 105 degrees in New York tomorrow, so that's nice [DI]

$$$ Hedge Fund Manager Found Guilty of Insider Trading [DealBook] $$$ Citi chief rejects calls for bank splits [FT] $$$ E.C.B. Rejects Speculation About Its Bond-Buying Intentions [NYT] $$$ Condoleeza Rice and Darla Moore became the first women admitted to Augusta National [USAT] $$$ Apple Market Value Hits Record High $$$ Kansas lawmaker apologizes for nude Sea of Galilee swim [AP] $$$ Morgan Stanley is looking for an anti-money-laundering due diligence manager in New York [DBCC] $$$ Banks Use $1.77 Trillion To Double Treasury Purchases [Bloomberg] $$$ UBS Seeing Moat Of Secrecy Run Dry Vows Results To Lure Wealthy [Bloomberg] $$$ "Inspired by Google’s PageRank, the authors of a new paper create DebtRank, a measure of connection centrality. The vertical axis in the following diagram shows DebtRank (centrality) the horizontal axis asset shows size relative to the total network and the color indicates fragility/leverage. Institutions such as Wachovia, RBS and Barclays were relatively small but because of their centrality and fragility they imposed big risks on the system." [MR] $$$ Would it be better if analysts started earnings call Q&As by saying "terrible quarter, guys"? [Overheard]

$$$ Eurozone deal over bank bailout in doubt [FT] $$$ U.K. Bankers Group to Stop Overseeing Libor [WSJ] $$$ The Smith Barney Name Still Lives (Sort of) [Deal Journal] $$$ Mason Capital may lose money on its delightful Telus trade [DealBook] $$$ Actually, business and political leaders aren't that stressed [LAT] $$$ “I’ve had to sit here all night staring at a whale,” [Jes] Staley said last night, a few hours into a gala for the NYU Langone Medical Center’s Hospital for Joint Diseases and Center for Musculoskeletal Care. He was accepting an award for corporate leadership. Staley then suggested the whale could be replaced with the squid in the room, which, he clarified afterward, meant Goldman Sachs Group Inc., represented by his friend Gary D. Cohn, chairman of the dinner and the hospital’s advisory board. Rolling Stone writer Matt Taibbi called Goldman a “vampire squid.” All this took place about 20 feet from a diorama depicting a battle between a sperm whale and a giant squid. Which creature will triumph is unclear, though squid have been found in whales’ stomachs. [Bloomberg] $$$ Macquarie's Credit Solutions Group, a distressed and special situations financing group, is looking for a 2nd or 3rd-year analyst in New York [DBCC] $$$ Or just be an event coordinator for Breaking Media [Fashionista] $$$ Uber Bear Sees S&P at 800...Just Not Yet [CNBC!] $$$ Eighth Grader Says He Vandalized Congressman’s Office [NYT] $$$ Mitt Romney Stops Supporters from Chanting ‘Ryan’ to Ensure They Say His Name Too [Gawker] $$$ Police launched investigation into the 'suspicious' moon [Telegraph]

$$$ Cohn Says Banks Other Than Goldman, JPMorgan Retrenching [Bloomberg] $$$ Ex-Goldman trader Taylor pleads guilty to wire fraud [Reuters] $$$ Bundesbank launches Deutsche probe [FT] $$$ Bank of Canada searches far and wide for Carney's successor [Reuters] $$$ Huey Lewis and Weird Al Reenact Classic American Psycho Scene in Honor of Sports’ 30th Birthday [Gawker] $$$ Government Watchdog Faults Regulators Over Foreclosure Review [DealBook] $$$ Royal Bank of Scotland faces $6 billion investor action [Reuters] $$$ Money Is Memory [Izabella Kaminska] $$$ A man caught beating down a 56-year-old woman during a subway robbery in Borough Park wore a college fraternity sweatshirt with his nickname on it, law enforcement sources said. Aidan Folan, 21, was caught on camera wearing his favorite Alpha Phi Delta hoodie with custom lettering on the back that reads, "Stugotz 27," sources added. The Italian slang term roughly translates to "testicles" and is so loved by the suspect he chose it and the number "27" for his Facebook page, sources added. [NYP] $$$ Justin Bieber’s Pet Monkey Quarantined in Germany [Time]

$$$ Fed Minutes Suggest Action Likely [WSJ] $$$ Ainslie Up 20% As Stock Hedge Funds Defy Four-Year Slump $$$ Best Buy shareholders caught in the crossfire [Term Sheet] $$$ FTC Clears Facebook’s Instagram Purchase [Deal Journal] $$$ "Bain is a financial firm, but Romney wasn’t some Wall Street bank-monkey with a pitch book. He was the guy who fired you." [National Review] [!!] $$$ Wharton-Bound Goat Trainer Failed To Get Her Pet Goat To Perform On National Television [IvyGate] $$$ A middle market private equity firm is looking for a senior associate in South Florida [DBCC] $$$ Bernanke ‘More Popular Than Justin Bieber’? [CNBC] $$$ Broken Brokerages: Finance Luminaries Join Fight Over Uniform Fiduciary Standard [NYO] $$$ Chinese acquisitions in US near record [FT] $$$ Obama Says First Dog Bo Is on a Diet [DI] $$$ Man Convicted of Assault for Punching McDonald’s Employee After Sundae Arrived with Hot Fudge on the Bottom [Gawker]

$$$ Mitt Romney overpays his taxes, is rich [WaPo] $$$ Goldman Sachs is rolling out a hedge fund investing platform [Reuters] $$$ The ECB's pretend-you're-a-central-banker online game has a single mandate [Economist] $$$ SEC Said to Scrutinize Private Equity on Share of Payout [Bloomberg] $$$ Kato Kaelin Has a 'Gut Feeling' O.J. Simpson Was Guilty of Double Murder [ABC] $$$ BoNY Mellon is looking for a wealth management senior sales director in Greenwich [DBCC] $$$ EU in talks over Spanish rescue plan [FT] $$$ California found some more debt that it owes [NYT] $$$ Behind the Scenes, Some Lawmakers Lobby to Change the Volcker Rule [DealBook] $$$ Bank of America Is Now Stealing From Child Actors, Allegedly [Gawker]

$$$ Wells Fargo Banker, Two Others Indicted on Insider-Trading Charges [WSJ] $$$ Bank of America claims MBIA in default on senior notes [Reuters] $$$ The Queen of England seems to have had a fun tour of her Bank [Telegraph] $$$ DealBook Conference Was Impressive, Lucrative and Chummy, but it was no DBDRN [NYT] $$$ "Lloyd Blankfein … wears a suit that is notably baggy in its cut. The bagginess is unflattering. But it is a pinstripe suit, which is the Bat Signal of men of great influence, Wall Street's version of a rapper's Jacob the Jeweler medallion." [Gawker] $$$ Plot to castrate and kill Justin Bieber at Madison Square Garden is foiled [NYP] $$$ How would you like to be a TIAA-CREF wealth management advisor in Fargo, ND? [DBCC] $$$ Obama’s Bet on GM Hangs on Revamped Silverado Pickup [Bloomberg] $$$ Hostess Said to Attract Bids From Wal-Mart, Kroger [Bloomberg] $$$ "But the decisions in the Argentine litigation do seem to go a long way toward transforming the pari passu clause from a rule of rank into a prohibition on preferences. And if this is right, is there any reason to think the holdings will be confined to the sovereign context?" [DealBook / Stephen Lubben] $$$ U. Chicago Receives Weird Mystery Package Addressed to Indiana Jones [NYO] $$$ "Afterward, the employees — chosen by lottery — nibbled on pigs in blankets and sushi rolls and met with Tyson Chandler of the New York Knicks. But one employee apparently was more interested in an autograph from his boss, coming up to ask Mr. Dimon to sign his ticket. The chief executive complied." [DealBook]

$$$ Swelling Bond Yields Add to EU Pressure [WSJ] $$$ Goodbye Smith Barney [DealBook] $$$ A Marxist take on the European Central Bank [Slack Wire] $$$ Izzy Kaminska: "If it is true that the system can increasingly provide a base level of existence for ever more people for almost no cost, should we be surprised that those western countries where a base level of existence is adequate — because of weather, surroundings and general environment — are the first to opt out of unnecessary human productivity?" [FTAV] $$$ Corporate political giving is negatively correlated with market performance for most companies, positively correlated with performance for firms in highly regulated industries [Rice via WonkBlog] $$$ Mitt Romney and "Sport," a Continuing Saga [MoJo] $$$ CRT Capital Group is looking for a credit product sales assistant in Stamford [DBCC] $$$ SEC Charges 14 Sales Agents In $415 Million Long Island-Based Ponzi Scheme [SEC] $$$ Greek Antiquities, Long Fragile, Are Endangered by Austerity [NYT] $$$ The Volume Clock: Insights into the High Frequency Paradigm [SSRN via MR] $$$ Someone at ISDA appears to have the job of pointing out when Gretchen Morgenson is wrong about derivatives [ISDA] $$$ The explosion of the yacht named Blind Date was a hoax [NYP]