Shake Shack loss; KKR succession plan; Insider tippers; Goat stolen so guy could ask girl "Would you goat to the prom with me?"; AND MORE.

$$$ IIF Bank Group: Greek Debt Buyback Likely To Reach Target [WSJ] $$$ Doing the Shareholder Sidestep [DealBook] $$$ Netflix CEO Hastings Faces SEC Action Over Facebook Post [Bloomberg] $$$ Rush to set up ‘ultra-short’ bond funds [FT] $$$ Bain leads private equity firms in use of low-tax payouts [Reuters] $$$ Financial Times Discovers Hip-Hop Slang From Last Century [DI] $$$ A multi-billion-dollar asset management firm is looking for a quantitative execution junior equities trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Partners’ Stake in Goldman Sachs Rises [DealBook] $$$ Defaulted Bondholders Undeterred as Gains Hold [Bloomberg] $$$ Will JPMorgan's 'Jes' Staley Jump Ship? [CNBC] $$$ Brooklyn couple makes breakup video to announce split to their friends [NYDN via Kevin Roose] $$$ Snoop [Lion] Asked Himself a Question About His Own Weed Habits on Reddit [NYO]

$$$ Cohn Says Banks Other Than Goldman, JPMorgan Retrenching [Bloomberg] $$$ Ex-Goldman trader Taylor pleads guilty to wire fraud [Reuters] $$$ Bundesbank launches Deutsche probe [FT] $$$ Bank of Canada searches far and wide for Carney's successor [Reuters] $$$ Huey Lewis and Weird Al Reenact Classic American Psycho Scene in Honor of Sports’ 30th Birthday [Gawker] $$$ Government Watchdog Faults Regulators Over Foreclosure Review [DealBook] $$$ Royal Bank of Scotland faces $6 billion investor action [Reuters] $$$ Money Is Memory [Izabella Kaminska] $$$ A man caught beating down a 56-year-old woman during a subway robbery in Borough Park wore a college fraternity sweatshirt with his nickname on it, law enforcement sources said. Aidan Folan, 21, was caught on camera wearing his favorite Alpha Phi Delta hoodie with custom lettering on the back that reads, "Stugotz 27," sources added. The Italian slang term roughly translates to "testicles" and is so loved by the suspect he chose it and the number "27" for his Facebook page, sources added. [NYP] $$$ Justin Bieber’s Pet Monkey Quarantined in Germany [Time]

The rising stars of activism; Citi is "spying" on Elizabeth Warren; Monkeys loving on puppies; and more.

$$$ Dow Hits Highest Close Ever [WSJ] $$$ Venezuela's Hugo Chavez dies from cancer [Reuters] $$$ FBI joins SEC in computer trading probe [FT] $$$ Wall Street 'Deal Toy' Indicator Flashes a Bullish Sign [CNBC] $$$ A Friendly Conversation with a Banker [The Billfold] $$$ There Is A Petition To Make R Kelly's “Ignition (Remix)” The National Anthem [BuzzFeed] $$$ An international trading house is looking for a Dodd-Frank compliance officer for its swap dealer business [DBCC] $$$ Citigroup Books $579M for Pay Plan Shareholders Panned [Bloomberg] $$$ Board Patience Wears Thin at Penney [WSJ] $$$ Buybacks, M&A, and de-equitisation [FTAV] $$$ ISDA to Send Credit-Default Swaps Changes to Traders [MarketBeat] $$$ The FBI is looking for a drone, if you've seen it [FBI]

$$$ Hedge Fund Manager Found Guilty of Insider Trading [DealBook] $$$ Citi chief rejects calls for bank splits [FT] $$$ E.C.B. Rejects Speculation About Its Bond-Buying Intentions [NYT] $$$ Condoleeza Rice and Darla Moore became the first women admitted to Augusta National [USAT] $$$ Apple Market Value Hits Record High $$$ Kansas lawmaker apologizes for nude Sea of Galilee swim [AP] $$$ Morgan Stanley is looking for an anti-money-laundering due diligence manager in New York [DBCC] $$$ Banks Use $1.77 Trillion To Double Treasury Purchases [Bloomberg] $$$ UBS Seeing Moat Of Secrecy Run Dry Vows Results To Lure Wealthy [Bloomberg] $$$ "Inspired by Google’s PageRank, the authors of a new paper create DebtRank, a measure of connection centrality. The vertical axis in the following diagram shows DebtRank (centrality) the horizontal axis asset shows size relative to the total network and the color indicates fragility/leverage. Institutions such as Wachovia, RBS and Barclays were relatively small but because of their centrality and fragility they imposed big risks on the system." [MR] $$$ Would it be better if analysts started earnings call Q&As by saying "terrible quarter, guys"? [Overheard]

$$$ America's Richest Hedge Fund Managers [Forbes] $$$ Blankfein, No Socialist, Sees Flaws in Wealth Distribution [Bloomberg] $$$ Deposit Flight From Europe Banks Eroding Common Currency [Bloomberg] $$$ Disabled Employee Says Bank of America Fired Him for Slow Typing and Walking, "was repeatedly told that accommodating him 'wouldn't be fair to people with two hands.'" [ABC] $$$ Yarr, avast mateys, etc. [Language Log] $$$ A regional broker/dealer located in midtown is looking for a junior analyst/intern to assist in analysis and model development within their renewable energy group focusing on solar PV project finance [DBCC] $$$ Corporate Credit Craze Speaks to Weakness, Not Strength [CNBC] $$$ SEC you later, pal! Schapiro may be heading for the exit [NYP] $$$ Anthony Scaramucci still believes in Mitt Romney's campaign [BI] $$$ Romney Apologizes To Nation's 150 Million 'Starving, Filthy Beggars' [The Onion] $$$ Anti-Semitic Elmo, Back to His Old Ways, Arrested in Times Square [DI]

$$$ Facebook Falls To Record As Lockup End Frees Shares [Bloomberg] $$$ Best Buy Founder Presses Case for Takeover Talks [DealBook] $$$ Hall Of Fame Football Coach Donnan Accused In Ponzi Scheme [Bloomberg] $$$ Dealpolitik: Muddied Waters Complicate Focus Media Buyout [Deal Journal] $$$ “Struck By Blow Dart”: A Brief Index Of Recent Terrible Events Involving Joggers [Deadspin] $$$ Macquarie Capital is looking for a restructuring and M&A vice president in New York, if you're available [DBCC] $$$ BlackRock Tiptoes Into Spain's Sovereign Debt [WSJ] $$$ Bain Capital was good at investing when Mitt Romney ran it [PEHub] $$$ Romney Says He Paid at Least 13% Taxes for 10 Years [CNBC] $$$ New Ray Gun Used to Fight High Sea Pirates [CNBC]