Write-Offs: 08.30.12

$$$ Something something something "[Bernanke] must once again address whether there is more the Fed can do to get the economy going and whether it is worth taking chances on controversial new programs" [WSJ] $$$ Brussels pushes for wide ECB powers [FT] $$$ Google, Apple CEOs in secret patent talks [Reuters] $$$ Goldman is struggling to sell an ABS deal backed by Bob Dylan royalties, inspiring many FT jokes [FT] $$$ Chipotle caught STEALING pennies from hapless customers nationwide in deceptive receipt rounding scandal [Daily Mail] $$$ Kelly & Dylan finally get together [NYP] $$$ A bulge bracket bank in New York is looking for a senior internal audit manager [DBCC] $$$ Guy voting Republican [CNBC] $$$ Sharp Elbows Among Street Lawmen [WSJ] $$$ Citi is looking for a little more space [WSJ] $$$ "A 97-year-old message in a bottle found by Scottish fishermen in their catch has set the world record for spending the longest time at sea." [Bloomberg] $$$ Over 100 students in Harvard's "Intro to Congress" class are being investigated for cheating [Crimson]
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$$$ Something something something "[Bernanke] must once again address whether there is more the Fed can do to get the economy going and whether it is worth taking chances on controversial new programs" [WSJ]

$$$Brussels pushes for wide ECB powers [FT]

$$$Google, Apple CEOs in secret patent talks [Reuters]

$$$ Goldman is struggling to sell an ABS deal backed by Bob Dylan royalties, inspiring many FT jokes [FT]

$$$Chipotle caught STEALING pennies from hapless customers nationwide in deceptive receipt rounding scandal [Daily Mail]

$$$ Kelly & Dylan finally get together [NYP]

$$$ A bulge bracket bank in New York is looking for a senior internal audit manager [DBCC]

$$$Guy voting Republican [CNBC]

$$$Sharp Elbows Among Street Lawmen [WSJ]

$$$ Citi is looking for a little more space [WSJ]

$$$ "A 97-year-old message in a bottle found by Scottish fishermen in their catch has set the world record for spending the longest time at sea." [Bloomberg]

$$$ Over 100 students in Harvard's "Intro to Congress" class are being investigated for cheating [Crimson]

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Write-Offs: 10.17.12

$$$ Man Accused of Plot to Blow Up Federal Reserve Bank of New York [NYT] $$$ Europe banking supervisor plan ‘illegal’ [FT] $$$ Prosecutors Seek as Much as Decade in Prison for Gupta [WSJ] $$$ Dealpolitik: What Sprint’s Unusual Deal Structure Means for Competing Bidders [Deal Journal] $$$ ThinkEquity is no more [MarketBeat] $$$ Trying To Do A Cannonball Into A Frozen Swimming Pool Is Not A Good Idea [Deadspin] $$$ A large regional investment bank is looking for two energy company analysts in New York, Houston or Denver [DBCC] $$$ With Flat Profits, Greenhill Misses Earnings Estimates [DealBook] $$$ Och-Ziff hedge fund looks to exit landlord business [Reuters] $$$ What’s An Index Worth? [IndexUniverse] $$$ "The other day, a friend of mine asked me whether CEOs were born or made. I said, 'That’s kind of like asking if Jolly Ranchers are grown or made. CEO is a very unnatural job.'" [Ben Horowitz] $$$ Customers Refuse to Press Charges Against Couple Having Sex on Restaurant Table Because, Hey, Dinner and a Show [Gawker]

Write-Offs: 12.17.12

$$$ Knight Weighs Offers [WSJ] $$$ US banks call for easing of Basel III [FT] $$$ US banks increase retention of mortgages [FT] $$$ Instagram's CEO maybe lied to the California Corporations Department about whether Twitter offered to buy Instagram [NYT, cf. Felix Salmon] $$$ Peter Madoff Says He Was a Victim of Brother’s Ponzi Scheme [Bloomberg] $$$ Silvio Berlusconi may or may not be engaged to a 27-year-old [Gawker] $$$ A leading buyside institution is looking for a senior investor relations specialist in New York [DBCC] $$$ Argentina got its boat back [Credit Slips] $$$ Aladdin Capital to pay $1.6 mln to resolve SEC charges [Reuters] $$$ U.S. agency sues JPMorgan over mortgage securities [Reuters] $$$ Calstrs Reviewing Cerberus Investment in Light of Newtown Shooting [Deal Journal] $$$ Elie Ayache, Author of the Black Swan [Wilmott]

Write-Offs: 07.13.12

$$$ U.S. investigates whether JPMorgan traders hid losses [Reuters] $$$ Was JPMorgan's restatement actually an elaborate plot to get Ina Drew's comp clawed back? No? [Felix Salmon] $$$ Fed May Need To Begin New Asset Purchases, Lockhart Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Ex-Mets star Dykstra pleads guilty in bankruptcy fraud case [NYP] $$$ "You have to sit there in silence, and you just get up every day and beat your head against the wall," but for that (and ratting out Countrywide) they'll pay you $14.5 million [Reuters] $$$ Q&A: The Gourmand Behind New York's $666 'Douche Burger' [BW] $$$ Deutsche Bank is looking for a VP-level Group Finance COO business manager [DBCC] $$$ Spanish Bank Borrowing from ECB Surges [WSJ] $$$ Italy sells debt despite downgrade [FT] $$$ Visa, MasterCard in $6 Billion Settlement Over Surcharges [WSJ] $$$ Wealthy Homeowners Brace for 'Mansion Cliff' [CNBC!] $$$ Attention Cable and Satellite Subscribers: This Network Is Being Dropped Because Your Provider Is Being a Giant Douche [McSweeney's]

Write-Offs: 08.09.12

$$$ Osborne lobbies Geithner on StanChart [FT] $$$ Carlyle to Acquire Asset Manager TCW From SocGen [WSJ] $$$ Goldman Cleared in Mortgage Investigation [DealBook] $$$ Manchester United prices IPO below range, valuing club at $2.3 billion [Reuters] $$$ DC Man Orders TV From Amazon, Gets Assault Rifle Instead [USAT] $$$ A New York boutique firm is looking for a special situation analyst to analyze its special situations [DBCC] $$$ Yahoo May Reverse Alibaba Cash Plans [WSJ] $$$ Chesapeake Energy in U.S. antitrust probe [Reuters] $$$ U.S. Text Messaging Champion Is $50,000 Richer [BW] $$$ Naked Man Covered in Crisco Told Police He was ‘Looking for a Place to Party’ [Gawker]

Write-Offs: 09.07.12

$$$ Slow U.S. Hiring May Spur Fed [WSJ] $$$ Germany faces ECB backlash [FT] $$$ Dealer inventories of corporate bonds are at a ten-year low [FTAV] $$$ New York AG Eric Schneiderman's investigation into whether private equity firms illegally converted ordinary income into capital gains is complicated by the fact that ordinary income and capital gains are taxed at the same rate in New York [Reuters] $$$ "From 1971 to the present, money market funds without defaulted securities would have a shadow NAV below 0.995 15.4% of the time" due to interest rate movements [Aleph Blog] $$$ Wells Fargo broke into a house, took all the owners' stuff, destroyed it, found out that it was the wrong house [CBS] $$$ Peregrine Financial is missing its SpongeBob SquarePants silver coins [NYO] $$$ Citi is looking for an audit manager - mortgages in New York [DBCC] $$$ "Xstrata is indicating it thinks that retaining its management in the top positions may be worth more than that $4.5 billion. Now that is a valuable management." [WSJ / Dealpolitik] $$$ ICP Asset Management paid $23 million to settle its SEC suit over mismanaging its CDOs [SEC] $$$ Jim O'Neill hits out at 'weird world of benchmarking [Citywire] $$$ Rajaratnam's insider-trading appeal set for Oct. 25 [Reuters] $$$ World's Best Internship—Interviewing Porn Stars [CNBC] $$$ Restaurant Owner Creates Fake Sex Site Profile for Patron Who Posted Negative Review Online [Gawker]

Write-Offs: 04.17.12

$$$ Buffett: My Succession Plans Have Not Changed [CNBC] $$$ Meredith Whitney upgraded Citigroup [MarketBeat] $$$ Should you worry that all the big banks are growing their assets? [DealBook] $$$ Canadian approached for top BoE job [FT] $$$ Sallie Krawchek: "I've thought a lot about the issue of stereotypes, particularly on Wall Street. I can't count the number of times I have seen men slam something on a table, even throw something. You sort of do a mental eye roll and move on. I can count on one hand — on one finger — the number of tantrums I've seen a woman have. As she was having it, I remember thinking to myself, Bitch." [Marie Claire] $$$ The Ira Sohn Investment Idea Contest seeks to identify a great investment idea to help benefit children with cancer. This year's contest will be judged by an incredible group including Michael Price, Bill Ackman, David Einhorn, Joel Greenblatt and Seth Klarman. The winner will be selected based on the judges’ determination of the most compelling investment idea submitted with a one-year horizon, and will then get to present their investment idea at the Ira Soch Investment Conference itself in May. $$$ Morgan Stanley is looking for a market risk regulatory capital vice president [DBCC] $$$ London Goes After Trading in Yuan [WSJ] $$$ Bank of America Said to Put Foreign Wealth Management Unit Up for Sale [DealBook] $$$ Derivatives Lobby Has U.S. Regulators on the Run [Bloomberg / Roger Lowenstein] $$$ "We are in a depression, but not because we don’t know how to remedy the problem. We are in a depression because it is our revealed preference, as a polity, not to remedy the problem. We are choosing continued depression because we prefer it to the alternatives." [Interfluidity] $$$ "A Michigan lottery winner was charged with fraud Tuesday for collecting food stamps and public health insurance despite pocketing a $735,000 jackpot."

Write-Offs: 08.31.12

$$$ "Bernanke Signals Readiness to Do More" [WSJ] $$$ "Judgment Days Arrive for Euro Crisis" [WSJ] $$$ Spain To Recapitalize Bankia After 4.45 Billion-Euro Loss [Bloomberg] $$$ Nomura’s Failed Global Ambitions [DealBook] $$$ Quebec Whodunit: 1/4 of Province’s Syrup Reserves Go Missing [WSJ] $$$ That’s it for us today. We’re off Monday for the holiday, enjoy the long weekend and see you on Tuesday! $$$ A global investment bank is looking for an experienced metals options trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Facebook hits new low after price target cuts [Reuters] $$$ Here is some hedge fund Weltschmerz [FT] $$$ Here is a really depressing story about student loans [NYT] $$$ Some people still don't like PowerPoint [BBW] $$$ "In general, rabbits preferred the higher resolution of the MacBook, whereas squirrels favored the larger screen of the Toshiba. Chipmunks were too hyperactive to linger around either device, even though I sprinkled the keyboards liberally with birdseed, which chipmunks seem to enjoy far more than birds do. I do not recommend this practice ..." [NYT]

Write-Offs: 03.21.13

$$$ Cyprus Plans Bank Restructuring to Save Rescue [WSJ] $$$ S&P Cuts Rating on Cyprus by One Notch to Triple-C [Reuters] $$$ Hedge funds storm back into form [FT] $$$ Lululemon Sheer Yoga Pants Undetected Until Bend-Over Test [Bloomberg] $$$ Former MSNBC Host Dylan Ratigan Quit New York To Work On Hydroponic Organic Farm [TPM] $$$ Once-obese Goldman analyst becomes fitness evangelical, gym CEO [Reuters] $$$ Southeastern had eyed joining Dell buyout group [Reuters] $$$ Gold Giants Shrink to Fit as Paulson Pushes Breakup [Bloomberg] $$$ "And there was this dichotomy, like dumb versus smart money. We're smart money; they're dumb money. We are so smart that we deserve their money. It was essentially kind of an entitlement. And it was really unattractive to me. I spent a lot of time at lunch trying to understand the mindset of, like, how does being good at math give us the right to do this?" [EconTalk] $$$ A Watermelon, a Golf Course, a Horse, and Monstrous Dogs: 12 New Paintings from George W. Bush [Gawker]