$$$ Author of the spectacularly wrong ‘Dow 36,000′ has new thoughts on the stock market [Wonkblog] $$$ Fitch Downgrades Italy's Credit Ratings [WSJ] $$$ SEC: Goldman cannot ignore proposal to split chairman, CEO roles [Reuters] $$$ Talk of US high-yield 'bubble' is overdone [Reuters] $$$ "Even as some venture-capital firms have become skittish after the disappointing initial public offerings of Facebook, Groupon Inc. and Zynga Inc. - all of which were venture-backed — a number of hedge funds, private-equity firms and other asset-management firms are pouring money into closely held startups." [WSJ] $$$ George W. Bush’s Art Teacher Says He’s Painted 50 Dogs [Gawker] $$$ A boutique multi-strategy hedge fund in San Francisco is looking for a C++ programmer to help build an HFT platform [DBCC] $$$ AIG to Redeem $1.1 Billion of Debt in Path to Dividend [Bloomberg] $$$ "The Fed said the median loss from commercial and industrial loans across the 18 banks tested would be 6.5 percent under the severely adverse scenario. But Goldman's loss would be a stunning 49.6 percent." [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ Identifying Term Interbank Loans from Fedwire Payments Data [FRBNY] $$$ S&P Ratings Debate Doesn’t Show Fraud, Peterson Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Q. Do you ever throw your weight around during Internet arguments? Like, "I knew you were going to compare me to Hitler because I AM MIKE GODWIN." A. I never do that. [DI]

$$$ Fed Maintains $85 Billion Pace of Monthly Asset Purchases [Bloomberg] $$$ Lenders Balk at New Cyprus Aid Plan [WSJ] $$$ Medvedev lambasts EU over Cyprus levy [FT] $$$ "A redesigned package may well go “the full Iceland”; look after the locals and shaft the foreigners." [Paweł Morski] $$$ SAC Capital up 4 percent this year as probe continues [Reuters] $$$ "So in the battle of the scumbags, who should we be rooting for? It's kind of like the Russians fighting the Germans during World War II because you want them both to lose." - Charlie Gasparino on Bill Ackman and Carl Icahn [HuffPo] $$$ "Nine top Barclays executives including Chief Executive Antony Jenkins and investment banking head Rich Ricci received £40.3 million ($60.8 million) in shares Wednesday from earlier-year incentive plans, a month after the bank said it would take a stricter line on pay." [WSJ] $$$ Bondholders withdraw claim Penney was in default on bond terms [Reuters] $$$ Synthetic CDOs Making Comeback as Yields Juiced [Bloomberg] $$$ UK-based cannabinoid therapeutics developer GW Pharmaceuticals files for US IPO [Renaissance Capital] $$$ "America's corporate boards could use a Martin Lipton 2.0." [Breakingviews] $$$ Hamptons Landlords Suing Over Reality-Show Semen Stains [DI]

$$$ Alcoa Swings to a Profit [WSJ] $$$ SAC Capital Said to Raise Portfolio Managers’ Bonuses [Bloomberg] $$$ Titan's taste for small funds seen behind its SAC exit [Reuters] $$$ Dimon Leaves New York Fed Board as His Term Ends [DealBook] $$$ What The Simpsons Taught Us About the Dangers of a Trillion-Dollar Platinum Coin [DI] $$$ An investment manager is looking for a senior portfolio analyst in Seattle [DBCC] $$$ Dealpolitik: How AIG Board Works Its Way Out of the Hot Seat [Deal Journal] $$$ Lawmakers Warn A.I.G. Not to Join Lawsuit Against U.S. [DealBook] $$$ Why AIG Suing America Isn't as Crazy as You Think [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ Clearwire Receives $5.15 Billion Buyout Bid from Dish [WSJ] $$$ Oregon Man Arrested for Choking Girlfriend With His Own Dreadlocks [Gawker]

$$$ NGDP-targeting inventor Scott Sumner is celebrating [Money Illusion] $$$ The Fed will buy over half of all new agency MBS [Sober Look] $$$ Ray Dalio describes the machine [Free Exchange, CFR] $$$ Bank complexity makes Sally Krawcheck "weep blood out of [her] eyes" [DealBook] $$$ Greece to Lease 40 Uninhabited Islands to Reduce Debt [Bloomberg] $$$ Efficient Markets Theory Can Save You From A Grizzly Death By Botched Penile Enlargement [Slate] $$$ BlackRock is looking for a director of global mobility in San Francisco [DBCC] $$$ Deutsche Bank urges rivals to share IT [FT] $$$ Fairfax Case Against Morgan Keegan, Exis Dismissed [Bloomberg] $$$ The Volcker Rule's ban on short-term prop trading will prevent AIG from buying and holding long-term assets for some reason [DealBook] $$$ You only have six more months to buy giant sodas in New York City [NYT] $$$ "The Author in Fancy Dress as a Side of Bacon, designed by himself, which took the First Prize of Forty Guineas at the Covent Garden Fancy Dress Ball, April 1894." [Retronaut]

$$$ Santander, BBVA Among Spanish Banks Downgraded By Moody’s [Bloomberg] $$$ Spain denies bank run reports [FT] $$$ Big banks need extra $566bn, says Fitch [FT, FTAV] $$$ Icahn Takeover of CVR Gets Support From 55% of Holders [Bloomberg] $$$ JPMorgan's Dimon says will testify before Congress [Reuters] $$$ Occupy Wall Street is staging an intervention with Jamie Dimon [NC] $$$ BlackRock is looking for a performance analyst in Princeton [DBCC] $$$ At CME, an Uproar Over Trading Hours [WSJ] $$$ SEC Probes Role of Hedge Fund in CDOs [WSJ] $$$ Which Biglaw Firm Accidentally Released Embarrassing, Unredacted Documents About Goldman Sachs? [ATL] $$$ Floyd Norris: "For market makers, who may buy unwanted securities that customers want to sell, hedging may be wise and prudent. But it will also be short term, until the bank trades out of whatever position it took on in the course of making the market. But if banks hedge long-term investments, as JPMorgan evidently did, the hedge is also likely to be long term. It will consist of buying something that, in normal times, should move in the opposite direction of their investment. The result is that they will be making convergence trades that are indistinguishable from what Long Term Capital Management did. Given the size of the big banks, they will have to do so in huge volumes that can come back to haunt them if markets move the wrong way." [NYT] $$$ The Boldface Names on the Witness List for Gupta’s Trial includes Lloyd Blankfein, Gary Cohn, Ken Chenault, Raj Rajaratnam, James Barnacle, and Adam Smith [DealBook]

$$$ Spain to inject up to €19bn into Bankia [FT] $$$ New Democracy, Syriza Tied In Greek Race For First, Poll Says [Bloomberg] $$$ "Banks get to play a fun game every quarter that could be called Guess the Value of Your Assets! JPMorgan Chase plays it more than its peers." [DealBook] $$$ "This study proposes a novel framework for capital regulation that addresses banks’ incentives to take on excessive risk and leverage. The framework consists of a special capital account in addition to a core capital requirement. The special account would accrue to a bank’s shareholders as long as the bank is solvent, but would pass to the bank’s regulators — rather than its creditors — if the bank fails." [FRBNY] $$$ "Barry also had a knack for interceptions. When a joint was making the rounds, he often elbowed his way in, out of turn, shouted "Intercepted!," and took an extra hit. No one seemed to mind." [DI] $$$ That’s it for us today. We’re off Monday for the holiday, enjoy the long weekend and see you on Tuesday! $$$ Fortress Investment Group is looking for a treasury analyst in San Francisco [DBCC] $$$ Marc Faber: 100% Chance of Global Recession [CNBC!] $$$ Prosecutors gain early edge in Raj Gupta trial [Breakingviews] $$$ Despite Doubts, Lehman Charges Still Possible [DealBook] $$$ "A penguin on the run from a Tokyo aquarium since early March was adjusting to life back on the inside yesterday after being recaptured on a riverbank. The Humboldt penguin, one of 135 kept at Tokyo Sea Life Park, was recaptured after 82 days of freedom that had even seen it outwit Japan’s well-resourced coast guard. ... The hunt for the bird, which the aquarium said did not have a name, began in early March after it was spotted bathing in a river that runs into Tokyo Bay. Keepers believe the creature made its break for freedom after being startled into climbing over a rock twice its size." [AFP]

$$$ Standard Chartered Accused of Hiding Transactions With Iranians $$$ Banks Say Loan Applications Rise [WSJ] $$$ Chesapeake asset sale lifts profits, shares rise [Reuters] $$$ Swiss Brace for Talks with US on Secret Accounts [Reuters] $$$ U.S. judo Olympian kicked out for "accidentally" eating pot [NYDN] $$$ Harvard Management is looking for a quantitative risk analytics senior associate and a position management associate [DBCC] $$$ Magnetar synthetic CDO construction and marketing: the emails [ProPublica] $$$ German bank has CDO case against Aladdin, court says [Reuters] $$$ Facebook Bears Garner 500% Profit From Structured Product Bets [Bloomberg] $$$ What Mitt Romney Bought at the Hardware Store [DI]

$$$ Holder: Big banks' size complicates prosecution efforts [The Hill] $$$ Stress Tests Seen Boosting U.S. Bank Shareholder Payouts [Bloomberg] $$$ February the strongest month ever for US buybacks [FTAV] $$$ E*Trade Exec Behind Talking Baby Leaves [Deal Journal] $$$ Anti-CNBC ad runs on CNBC [TBN] $$$ "Also, releasing a new version of a customer favorite like 'snackable chicken,' works well, says James O'Reilly, chief marketing officer for Sonic Corp. 'Consumers love to eat chicken in portable forms,' so Sonic introduced a spicy version of its Jumbo Popcorn Chicken for a limited time last month, he says." [WSJ] $$$ Eaton Vance is looking for a junior U.S. taxable fixed income analyst in Boston [DBCC] $$$ Tiger accelerator fund pounces back after early losses [AR] $$$ Football Investors Get 62% in Run Around Players on Transfer Bet [Bloomberg] $$$ Monte Paschi seeks 1.2 billion euros damages over derivatives [Reuters] $$$ Wallace Shawn ‘Fascinated and Shocked’ by Iran’s R.O.U.S Problem [DI] $$$ Tensions brewed, for instance, when she organized a golf-themed 21st-birthday party for a student at University of Virginia—under orders from his mother in Epsom, England. The mother, Lindsay Smart, says her son Henry was initially wary of the party plan, but "as it got nearer, I think he warmed to the idea." He directed her not to do anything "over the top," but otherwise gave little guidance on the event, which was for about 25 people. "We were trying not to treat him like he was 5 years old," Ms. Battani says. [WSJ]