$$$ Fed Maintains $85 Billion Pace of Monthly Asset Purchases [Bloomberg] $$$ Lenders Balk at New Cyprus Aid Plan [WSJ] $$$ Medvedev lambasts EU over Cyprus levy [FT] $$$ "A redesigned package may well go “the full Iceland”; look after the locals and shaft the foreigners." [Paweł Morski] $$$ SAC Capital up 4 percent this year as probe continues [Reuters] $$$ "So in the battle of the scumbags, who should we be rooting for? It's kind of like the Russians fighting the Germans during World War II because you want them both to lose." - Charlie Gasparino on Bill Ackman and Carl Icahn [HuffPo] $$$ "Nine top Barclays executives including Chief Executive Antony Jenkins and investment banking head Rich Ricci received £40.3 million ($60.8 million) in shares Wednesday from earlier-year incentive plans, a month after the bank said it would take a stricter line on pay." [WSJ] $$$ Bondholders withdraw claim Penney was in default on bond terms [Reuters] $$$ Synthetic CDOs Making Comeback as Yields Juiced [Bloomberg] $$$ UK-based cannabinoid therapeutics developer GW Pharmaceuticals files for US IPO [Renaissance Capital] $$$ "America's corporate boards could use a Martin Lipton 2.0." [Breakingviews] $$$ Hamptons Landlords Suing Over Reality-Show Semen Stains [DI]

$$$ Judge Approves Payout to MF Global Customers $$$ Dell Buyout Deal Could Come as Soon as Monday [Reuters] $$$ US banks squeezed as mortgage profits hit [FT] $$$ High Drama at CFTC: The Battle Over Swaps and Futures [BBW] $$$ UBS Set to Classify Bond-Buying Clients as 'Aggressive' Investors [FBN] $$$ "We were served water, at exactly the right cool temperature, yet without ice cubes"; also Bill Gates was there [MR] $$$ Aston Martin in Barn With Mouse Nest May Fetch $300,000 [Bloomberg] $$$ A highly respected bank is looking for a senior associate and a VP/director to originate, structure, and market credit-based structured products in New York [DBCC] $$$ SNS Nationalized in Netherlands After Real Estate Losses [Bloomberg] $$$ Swap mis-sellingand the dark heart of the City [Telegraph] $$$ Banks slow crisis money repayment to ECB [Reuters] $$$ Twitter nears $10 billion valuation [Fortune] $$$ Sociology of the evolution of electronic trading [Jayanth R. Varma] $$$ Half of students in Harvard cheating scandal required to withdraw from the college [Boston.com]

$$$ J.P. Morgan Suspends Share Buyback [WSJ] $$$ Bank of America's CEO 'Comfortable' With Investments [CNBC] $$$ Gupta ‘Threw Away His Duties,’ Prosecutor Says In Opening [Bloomberg] $$$ France, Germany Fail to Resolve Differences Over Euro Bonds [WSJ] $$$ U.S. lets China bypass Wall Street for Treasury orders [Reuters] $$$ MF Global's Corzine Got More Than $8 Million in Year Before Collapse [WSJ] $$$ S&P is looking for an associate to rate media and entertainment companies in Chicago - interested? [DBCC] $$$ "On average, for every additional 1% a company returned to shareholders between 2009 and 2011, the CEO was paid 0.6% more last year, the analysis found. For every 1% decline in shareholder return, the CEO was paid 0.6% less. ... In 2010, there was no correlation; for every 1% decrease in shareholder return, the average CEO was paid 0.02% more." [WSJ]$$$ Enron Ex-CEO Seeks Retrial On ‘New Evidence,’ Lawyer Says [Bloomberg] $$$ SEC move set to boost covered bonds in US [FT] $$$ With New Firepower, S.E.C. Tracks Bigger Game [DealBook] $$$ The New York Times printed a giant Gretchen Morgenson story about insider trading except there was no insider trading [Reuters / Felix Salmon, also Reformed Broker] $$$ Taxi Panel May Raise Fares Up to 20% [NYT] $$$ Gal claims she was 'too hot' to work in lingerie shop, forced to wear robe before getting boot: suit [NYP]

$$$ IIF Bank Group: Greek Debt Buyback Likely To Reach Target [WSJ] $$$ Doing the Shareholder Sidestep [DealBook] $$$ Netflix CEO Hastings Faces SEC Action Over Facebook Post [Bloomberg] $$$ Rush to set up ‘ultra-short’ bond funds [FT] $$$ Bain leads private equity firms in use of low-tax payouts [Reuters] $$$ Financial Times Discovers Hip-Hop Slang From Last Century [DI] $$$ A multi-billion-dollar asset management firm is looking for a quantitative execution junior equities trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Partners’ Stake in Goldman Sachs Rises [DealBook] $$$ Defaulted Bondholders Undeterred as Gains Hold [Bloomberg] $$$ Will JPMorgan's 'Jes' Staley Jump Ship? [CNBC] $$$ Brooklyn couple makes breakup video to announce split to their friends [NYDN via Kevin Roose] $$$ Snoop [Lion] Asked Himself a Question About His Own Weed Habits on Reddit [NYO]

$$$ U.S. investigates whether JPMorgan traders hid losses [Reuters] $$$ Was JPMorgan's restatement actually an elaborate plot to get Ina Drew's comp clawed back? No? [Felix Salmon] $$$ Fed May Need To Begin New Asset Purchases, Lockhart Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Ex-Mets star Dykstra pleads guilty in bankruptcy fraud case [NYP] $$$ "You have to sit there in silence, and you just get up every day and beat your head against the wall," but for that (and ratting out Countrywide) they'll pay you $14.5 million [Reuters] $$$ Q&A: The Gourmand Behind New York's $666 'Douche Burger' [BW] $$$ Deutsche Bank is looking for a VP-level Group Finance COO business manager [DBCC] $$$ Spanish Bank Borrowing from ECB Surges [WSJ] $$$ Italy sells debt despite downgrade [FT] $$$ Visa, MasterCard in $6 Billion Settlement Over Surcharges [WSJ] $$$ Wealthy Homeowners Brace for 'Mansion Cliff' [CNBC!] $$$ Attention Cable and Satellite Subscribers: This Network Is Being Dropped Because Your Provider Is Being a Giant Douche [McSweeney's]

$$$ Tables turn on Spain with pressure to seek bailout [Reuters] $$$ Maybe David Viniar will be Goldman's chairman when Lloyd retires and Gary is CEO? [WSJ] $$$ "The study found that for a sample of modifications to securitized subprime mortgages, a 10 percent reduction in the monthly payment was associated with a 4.5 percentage point reduction in the twelve-month redefault rate." [New York Fed] $$$ "If Apple continues on its current trajectory, something remarkable might happen on April 9, 2015, at around 11 a.m. That is, statisticians and investors I've spoken with say, a conservative estimate of when Apple could become the first company ever to be valued at $1 trillion." [NYT!] $$$ Welcome to the world Quartz! [Qz] $$$ "To call the Berenstains anthropomorphized bears insults both humans and bears." [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ Credit Suisse is looking for a research analyst for commodity strategies in asset management in New York [DBCC] $$$ U.S. Corporate Bond Tally Could Top $100 Billion in September [WSJ] $$$ Meredith Whitney is still pretty sure banks will fire a lot of people [CNBC] $$$ William Cohan confuses himself horribly about Whaledemort [Bloomberg] $$$ Mario Batali is paying $1.15mm to Del Posto employees to settle a lawsuit over wages, tips, overtime and discrimination [Diner's Journal] $$$ Hillary Clinton Aide Tells Reporter To “Fuck Off” And “Have A Good Life” [BF] $$$ Mitt Romney Doesn’t Get Why Airplane Windows Don’t Open [DI]

$$$ IMF, EU clash over Greece's bailout prospects [Reuters] $$$ No Prison Time Likely For Accused Manhattan Madam [WSJ] $$$ U.K. authorities arrested a former Credit Suisse investment banker on Wednesday in connection with U.S. allegations that he and others at the Swiss bank conspired to inflate the values of mortgage bonds during the financial crisis. [WSJ] $$$ U.S. Banks’ Leverage Should Be Halved to Cut Risks, Bair Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Man pulled over by cops blames reckless driving on pet squirrel [DM] $$$ Hong Kong Tycoon Seeks Husband for Lesbian Daughter [GP] $$$ Bank of America VP Called Seahawks’ Disputed Touchdown Pass [Bloomberg] $$$ Rumble On the Docks: Contract Pits Pinstriped Pinheads Against Roughneck Roustabouts [NYO] $$$ Poll: Romney Ahead in Presidential Race, Say Replacement Refs [New Yorker]

$$$ Fed Is 'Playing a Game With Us:' Pimco's Gross [CNBC] $$$ Bundesbank steps up pressure on Draghi [FT] $$$ Broker departures accelerate at Merrill Lynch [Reuters] $$$ The head of credit trading at Credit Suisse has been fined £210,000 for disclosing confidential information about a forthcoming €2.5bn bond issue after inviting a UK fund manager to “play charades” and guess the identity of the issuer. Nicholas Kyprios encouraged a fund manager who had been invited by Credit Suisse to a roadshow in November 2009 for an unnamed company to guess the issuer, using phrases like “you’re getting warmer”, the Financial Services Authority said. [FT] $$$ How would you like to be a Fixed Income Business Management Analyst for BlackRock in New York? [DBCC] $$$ Goldman Hires a New P.R. Chief $$$ Euro Zone Split over Financial Transaction Tax [Der Spiegel] $$$ Fred Wilpon's lawyers have planned a whole range of distractions for their Madoff trial [WSJ, related] $$$ Robert Lacoursiere, the Paulson & Co. partner who oversaw the $23 billion hedge fund’s team of banking analysts, quit last week after four years to start his own fund, according to a person with knowledge of the matter. [Bloomberg] $$$ Manhattan madam's 'sidekick' turns herself in, released on $100K bail [NYP]