$$$ Rick Santorum drops out of the presidential race [WaPo] $$$ Alcoa Posts Surprise Profit After Aluminum Orders Climb [Bloomberg] $$$ Hedge funds lag the market, again [Fortune] $$$ Dan Loeb has convinced Yahoo that it's time to move forward with some buzzwords [AllThingsD] $$$ "The conventional wisdom that Facebook sees Instagram as competition is not the whole story. It may also see Instagram as particularly advertiser-friendly content that its users currently have trouble producing. Think of it as a $1 billion way to make your parents’ status updates more interesting." [Reuters / Ryan McCarthy] $$$ Interested in behavioral economics? Then don't buy Karl Daniels's Fast and Slow Thinking. [Language Log] $$$ Mitt Romney Is Doing ‘Gay Voice’ in This Video, Says Professional Gay Voice Expert Bob Corff [Gawker] $$$ How would you like to be a portfolio management associate at Starwood Capital in Greenwich? [DBCC] $$$ NY pushes objection to BofA $8.5 billion mortgage pact [Reuters] $$$ "Court: Checking Facebook on Your Work Computer Isn't a Crime." Other courts disagree. [WSJ Law Blog] $$$ "For the first time in its 4 1/2 year life, a program on the Fox Business Network has topped a show on CNBC for an entire week in both Total Viewers and younger viewers." [TVNewser via Talking Biz News] $$$ What Do Europe's Pirate Parties Stand for? [Bloomberg] $$$ This happened [BI] $$$ Mayonnaise Store Now Open in Prospect Heights [Brownstoner] $$$ 5-year-old brings heroin for 'show and tell' [Stamford Advocate]

$$$ As His Fraud Trial Opens, Ex-UBS Trader Is Accused of Brazen Gambling [DealBook] $$$ Thanks, Goldman, for Giving My Peers Their Lives Back [Bloomberg] $$$ FDIC’s Hoenig Wants Simpler Rules Than Basel III [Deal Journal] $$$ Occupy Wall Street's one-year anniversary demonstrations start tomorrow [The Awl] $$$ Hard-money types talk too much about the gold standard, not enough about the bacon standard [CNBC] $$$ "I'm kind of a Snooki fan. Look how tiny's she's gotten. She's lost weight. She's energetic. Just her spark-plug personality is kind of fun." - Mitt Romney [DI] $$$ TIAA-CREF is looking for an insurance wholesaling director in Boston [DBCC] $$$ Miller Says U.S. Should Issue Simplified Volcker Rule [Bloomberg] $$$ Private equity needs more strategic deals [Term Sheet] $$$ Home Depot is leaving China, "where cheap labor has stunted the do-it-yourself ethos and apartment-based living leaves scarce demand for products like lumber" [WSJ] $$$ Allocating Risk Through Contract: Evidence from M&A and Policy Implications [Harvard Law] $$$ Naked German monk found wandering Bavarian forest after tripping on some bad berries [NYDN]

$$$ Julius Baer to buy Merrill Lynch arm [FT] $$$ Groupon Shares Fall 14% on Slower Growth [WSJ] $$$ "Finally, and contrary to popular belief, [shadow] banking increases transparency and disclosure because banks now sell assets that would otherwise be hosted on their opaque balance sheets." [St. Louis Fed] $$$ Skepticism about proposed Libor fixes [Sober Look] $$$ Meet Chick-Felays, the Tiny Canadian Restaurant That Wants You to Know It Has No Opinion on Marriage Equality [Grub Street] $$$ Aboard his campaign plane Friday evening, Romney told reporters: “Bus tour, it’s great! It’s great to be out campaigning. . . . Campaigning is the most fun, is the most enjoyable and rewarding.” Romney then clapped his hands and returned to his seat at the front of the plane. “Back to my yogurt,” he said. [WaPo via Unfogged] $$$ T. Rowe Price is looking for an assistant corporate secretary, if you're interested [DBCC] $$$ Earnings report articles are kinda pointless [Reuters / Felix Salmon] $$$ The Wall Street Journal is pretty pleased with its Olympic forecasting [WSJ] $$$ ‘Fierce Five’ Gymnasts Face Hurdle In Landing Nickname Trademark [Bloomberg] $$$ "What does it mean that, say, David Koch could double each half of the GOP ticket’s net worth by giving Romney one-hundredth of his fortune, or giving Ryan one five-thousandth of his fortune?" [Concurring Opinions] $$$ HuffPost Live Presents John Cusack’s Rambling Thoughts On The Mortgage Crisis [NYO]

$$$ There's an EU summit going on [Bloomberg] $$$ There was a Supreme Court decision today [Slate] $$$ EFSF/ESM 2ndary market bond purchases wouldn’t bring much relief [Megan Greene] $$$ Neither will Eurobonds [EconoMonitor] $$$ JPMorgan to announce $5bn ‘whale’ loss [FT] $$$ Local Porn Stars Will Make Good on Offer to Give Anyone a BJ After Heat Championship [Miami New Times] $$$ BoNY Mellon is looking for a prime brokerage salesperson in Jersey City [DBCC] $$$ PIMCO's Gross: U.S. is "best of the worst" investment [Reuters] $$$ Moody’s downgrades eight Brazilian banks [FT] $$$ Cravath, Swaine & Moore Names a New Leader [DealBook] $$$ Are Shareholders Ruining Corporations? [Gawker] $$$ Italy 2 - 1 Germany [WSJ]

$$$ The power is back on in parts of downtown [DI] $$$ And it was never off at Goldman [DealBook] $$$ But the marathon is off [NYT, earlier] $$$ Berkshire Profit Climbs 72% on Derivatives, Railroad [Bloomberg] $$$ More Hedge Funds Close Up Shop as Returns Fizzle [Reuters] $$$ Jérôme Kerviel is the most indebted man in the world [Atlantic] $$$ Macquarie is looking for equity research associates in New York, including in the Oil & Gas, Business Services, Utilities, and Transportation & Logistics sectors [DBCC] $$$ SEC Asked Groupon for Financial Disclosures [WSJ] $$$ "The problem is that when you actually look at the documents from some of the troubled investments during the financial crisis, in many cases the disclosure was copious. There were warnings of the risks; investors just failed to heed the warning signs that should have led them to further investigation." [DealBook / Steven Davidoff] $$$ Goldman urges Supreme Court to end mortgage class-action [Reuters] $$$ E*Trade Reviews Practices on 'Best Execution' for Stock Trades [WSJ] $$$ Model Under Fire for Using Sandy Wreckage for Photo Shoot [ABC]

$$$ America's Richest Hedge Fund Managers [Forbes] $$$ Blankfein, No Socialist, Sees Flaws in Wealth Distribution [Bloomberg] $$$ Deposit Flight From Europe Banks Eroding Common Currency [Bloomberg] $$$ Disabled Employee Says Bank of America Fired Him for Slow Typing and Walking, "was repeatedly told that accommodating him 'wouldn't be fair to people with two hands.'" [ABC] $$$ Yarr, avast mateys, etc. [Language Log] $$$ A regional broker/dealer located in midtown is looking for a junior analyst/intern to assist in analysis and model development within their renewable energy group focusing on solar PV project finance [DBCC] $$$ Corporate Credit Craze Speaks to Weakness, Not Strength [CNBC] $$$ SEC you later, pal! Schapiro may be heading for the exit [NYP] $$$ Anthony Scaramucci still believes in Mitt Romney's campaign [BI] $$$ Romney Apologizes To Nation's 150 Million 'Starving, Filthy Beggars' [The Onion] $$$ Anti-Semitic Elmo, Back to His Old Ways, Arrested in Times Square [DI]

$$$ Athens faces tough bail-out terms [FT] $$$ ECB to Exchange Greek Bonds [WSJ] $$$ I give up, what would you do about Greece? [Crooked Timber] $$$ Yelp Sets Terms for March IPO [WSJ, possibly related] $$$ Goldman hires Harvard students because Harvard is bad at educating them [Bloomberg / Ezra Klein, possibly related] $$$ Australia's richest person wrote the universe's worst poem ("Develop North Australia, embrace multiculturalism and welcome short term foreign workers to our shores / To benefit from the export of our minerals and ores" etc.) [Telegraph via The Jane Dough] $$$ You could be a Credit Risk Senior Analyst at Genworth in Stamford [eFinancialCareers] $$$ Icahn Offers to Buy CVR Energy in at Least $2.6 Billion Deal [Bloomberg] $$$ The SEC raised the qualifications for being charged 2 and 20 [SEC] $$$ Merrill brokers are fine selling bad advice but draw the line at selling BofA banking services [Reuters / Felix Salmon] $$$ Welcome to six months ago Art Cashin. Some tips: buy NFLX; don't take any Tuscan cruises. [MarketBeat] $$$ Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore wants to end the default practice of quarterly earnings guidance and explore issuing loyalty-driven securities as part of an overhaul of capitalism which he says has turned many of the world's largest economies into hotbeds of irresponsible short-term investment. [Reuters] $$$ Toddler Rescued From Inside Claw Game [ABC]

$$$ Standard Chartered Accused of Hiding Transactions With Iranians $$$ Banks Say Loan Applications Rise [WSJ] $$$ Chesapeake asset sale lifts profits, shares rise [Reuters] $$$ Swiss Brace for Talks with US on Secret Accounts [Reuters] $$$ U.S. judo Olympian kicked out for "accidentally" eating pot [NYDN] $$$ Harvard Management is looking for a quantitative risk analytics senior associate and a position management associate [DBCC] $$$ Magnetar synthetic CDO construction and marketing: the emails [ProPublica] $$$ German bank has CDO case against Aladdin, court says [Reuters] $$$ Facebook Bears Garner 500% Profit From Structured Product Bets [Bloomberg] $$$ What Mitt Romney Bought at the Hardware Store [DI]