$$$ Hedge Fund Manager Found Guilty of Insider Trading [DealBook] $$$ Citi chief rejects calls for bank splits [FT] $$$ E.C.B. Rejects Speculation About Its Bond-Buying Intentions [NYT] $$$ Condoleeza Rice and Darla Moore became the first women admitted to Augusta National [USAT] $$$ Apple Market Value Hits Record High $$$ Kansas lawmaker apologizes for nude Sea of Galilee swim [AP] $$$ Morgan Stanley is looking for an anti-money-laundering due diligence manager in New York [DBCC] $$$ Banks Use $1.77 Trillion To Double Treasury Purchases [Bloomberg] $$$ UBS Seeing Moat Of Secrecy Run Dry Vows Results To Lure Wealthy [Bloomberg] $$$ "Inspired by Google’s PageRank, the authors of a new paper create DebtRank, a measure of connection centrality. The vertical axis in the following diagram shows DebtRank (centrality) the horizontal axis asset shows size relative to the total network and the color indicates fragility/leverage. Institutions such as Wachovia, RBS and Barclays were relatively small but because of their centrality and fragility they imposed big risks on the system." [MR] $$$ Would it be better if analysts started earnings call Q&As by saying "terrible quarter, guys"? [Overheard]

$$$ Santander, BBVA Among Spanish Banks Downgraded By Moody’s [Bloomberg] $$$ Spain denies bank run reports [FT] $$$ Big banks need extra $566bn, says Fitch [FT, FTAV] $$$ Icahn Takeover of CVR Gets Support From 55% of Holders [Bloomberg] $$$ JPMorgan's Dimon says will testify before Congress [Reuters] $$$ Occupy Wall Street is staging an intervention with Jamie Dimon [NC] $$$ BlackRock is looking for a performance analyst in Princeton [DBCC] $$$ At CME, an Uproar Over Trading Hours [WSJ] $$$ SEC Probes Role of Hedge Fund in CDOs [WSJ] $$$ Which Biglaw Firm Accidentally Released Embarrassing, Unredacted Documents About Goldman Sachs? [ATL] $$$ Floyd Norris: "For market makers, who may buy unwanted securities that customers want to sell, hedging may be wise and prudent. But it will also be short term, until the bank trades out of whatever position it took on in the course of making the market. But if banks hedge long-term investments, as JPMorgan evidently did, the hedge is also likely to be long term. It will consist of buying something that, in normal times, should move in the opposite direction of their investment. The result is that they will be making convergence trades that are indistinguishable from what Long Term Capital Management did. Given the size of the big banks, they will have to do so in huge volumes that can come back to haunt them if markets move the wrong way." [NYT] $$$ The Boldface Names on the Witness List for Gupta’s Trial includes Lloyd Blankfein, Gary Cohn, Ken Chenault, Raj Rajaratnam, James Barnacle, and Adam Smith [DealBook]

$$$ "Congratulations: you’ve now taken a business which was earning 5 per cent to negative 10 per cent. Well done! Now what’s your next trick?" - James Gorman [FT] $$$ Barclays Names McGee Top Americas Corporate and Investment Banker [DealBook] $$$ Viking and ValueAct have outperformed the market YTD, but the median hedge fund return through August is 4.13% [AR] $$$ Game Over: Dave & Buster’s Withdraws IPO [Deal Journal] $$$ "It was the third alligator found roaming free on Long Island in less than a week." [Newsday] $$$ A reader writes, "I know getting drunk and crashing cars into houses on Long Island has been a big fad this year so I figured I'd share." [Newsday, earlier] $$$ A European investment bank is looking for a junior rates trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Deutsche Bank seen hardest hit by Liikanen reforms [Reuters] $$$ Hard money and the gerontocracy [Noahpinion] $$$ Barry Ritholtz is sick of all the people who are just in finance for the money [TBP] $$$ Gawker recaps a Hulk Hogan sex tape [Gawker] $$$ "But is having your head in a plush diver helmet simply too dorky for the workplace?" Possibly [BusinessWeek]

$$$ Schaeuble Declares Markets Wrong As Europe Heads To Vacation [Bloomberg] $$$ Don't Force Banks Into 'Draconian' Breakups: Whitney [CNBC] $$$ Morgan Stanley Stock May Be Worth $32 In Breakup, Mayo Says [Bloomberg] $$$ The Merkley plan to refinance underwater mortgages sounds pretty good [Reuters / Felix Salmon] $$$ Outspoken Analyst Kinnucan Pleads Guilty in Insider Case [WSJ] $$$ Man who rescued a 17-pound lobster "felt the nearly 100-year-old crustacean did not deserve to die with its parts soaked in butter. 'If he was 100, he saw World War I, World War II, man on the moon,' he said. 'Being in New England, he even saw the Red Sox win the World Series. So, he didn’t deserve the boiling water.'" [CBS] $$$ Due to recent regulatory requirements, a top bank in Charlotte is looking for a counterparty credit risk manager to be a Basel expert [DBCC] $$$ Libor scandal makes it more costly for bankers to get insured [Reuters] $$$ Europe Aims to Make Rate Manipulation a Criminal Offense [DealBook] $$$ Fund managers to lose securities lending profits [FT] $$$ The Securities and Exchange Commission drew sharp criticism from a federal judge who said they have failed to properly oversee a $55 million investor education fund created by a nearly decade-old settlement with Wall Street banks. The fund had been created as part of a roughly $1.5 billion regulatory accord in 2003 with Citigroup Inc, Goldman Sachs Group Inc, JPMorgan Chase & Co and other banks accused of publishing biased analyst research. U.S. District Judge William Pauley in Manhattan said the SEC has shown a "lack of oversight" and "indifference" toward how a nonprofit organization charged with distributing the money has been managed. ... Pauley pointed as an example to a two-year, $91,500 grant to the Genesee District Library in Flint, Michigan, that appeared to have resulted in just two events, one of which concerned "spending, sharing, and saving" for children ages two to five. "While there may be benefits to starting investor education early, toddlers seem beyond the pale," the judge wrote in an order issued Wednesday. [Reuters] $$$ Mitt Romney would restore 'Anglo-Saxon' relations between Britain and America [Telegraph]

$$$ Dow Average Snaps Rally as Consumer Confidence Declines [Bloomberg] $$$ Two Ackman investors want more details on JC Penney [Reuters] $$$ Why We Should Rip the Banks in Two [Bloomberg View / Matthew C. Klein] $$$ "There’s something almost silly in the fact that Buffett, one of the world’s richest men, earns a salary of $100,000 at Berkshire—and then cuts a check for $50,000 to reimburse Berkshire for 'minor items such as postage or phone calls that are personal.'" [Deal Journal] $$$ Happy Ides of March! Where Caesar Was Killed, Cute Kittens Now Roam [IBTimes] $$$ A top tier hedge fund is looking for a valuations and risk analyst in New York [DBCC] $$$ Goldman named Steven Barg the head of something called "mergers and acquisitions capital markets," where he will "work with clients 'on the equity market implications of strategic activities.'" [DealBook] $$$ AT&T Signals It May Sell Assets to Fund Dividends, Buybacks [WSJ] $$$ BuzzFeed to Launch Business Section [WSJ] $$$ Five Reasons Mila Kunis Shouldn’t Be Buying Stocks Now [MarketBeat]

$$$ U.K. Loses Top Aaa Rating From Moody’s as Growth Weakens [Bloomberg] $$$ Panic-driven austerity in the Eurozone and its implications [VoxEU] $$$ Judge extends freeze on account linked to Heinz trades [Reuters] $$$ "I asked ... if Citigroup had a policy of providing financial incentives to senior executives to encourage them to seek high-level federal jobs." [Bloomberg] $$$ "The bankrupt city of San Bernardino has hired a new city manager who, according to court filings, has twice declared personal bankruptcy ..." [Reuters] $$$ Pope Also Abandoning 1.5 Million People on Twitter [DI] $$$ Macquarie is looking for a structuring and risk management analyst for its energy markets division in Houston [DBCC] $$$ “Herbalife is bound by our self-regulatory code that prohibits [crimes]. Obviously, they wouldn’t be members of the association if we believed they were in violation.” [DealBook] $$$ Societe Generale planning CVA securitisation [Reuters] $$$ Don't Fix It, Call It a Risk Factor! [Credit Slips] $$$ Ex-SEC officials to risk council: Back off on money funds [Reuters] $$$ Resume includes "Drug dealer 2003-2005 small time supplier" [Gawker]

$$$ IIF Bank Group: Greek Debt Buyback Likely To Reach Target [WSJ] $$$ Doing the Shareholder Sidestep [DealBook] $$$ Netflix CEO Hastings Faces SEC Action Over Facebook Post [Bloomberg] $$$ Rush to set up ‘ultra-short’ bond funds [FT] $$$ Bain leads private equity firms in use of low-tax payouts [Reuters] $$$ Financial Times Discovers Hip-Hop Slang From Last Century [DI] $$$ A multi-billion-dollar asset management firm is looking for a quantitative execution junior equities trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Partners’ Stake in Goldman Sachs Rises [DealBook] $$$ Defaulted Bondholders Undeterred as Gains Hold [Bloomberg] $$$ Will JPMorgan's 'Jes' Staley Jump Ship? [CNBC] $$$ Brooklyn couple makes breakup video to announce split to their friends [NYDN via Kevin Roose] $$$ Snoop [Lion] Asked Himself a Question About His Own Weed Habits on Reddit [NYO]

$$$ Eurozone demands six-day week for Greece [Guardian] $$$ Hedge funds perplexed by negative Bund yield conundrum [Reuters] $$$ Money market funds want to buy negative-yielding securities, pass the savings on to you [FT] $$$ Moody's: U.S Banking Outlook Negative Despite Stronger Banks [WSJ] $$$ Matt Taibbi says a lot of wrong things about private equity, which is surprising for some reason [Term Sheet] $$$ Jim Cramer's Mad Money is more popular at 3am [NYP] $$$ Sands Capital Management is looking for a senior associate in Virginia for public and private equity, focusing on life sciences [DBCC] $$$ Andrew Ross Sorkin doesn't think you appreciate that Facebook has lost $50 billion in market cap. Let him say that again for emphasis: fifty billion. Fifty billion! [DealBook] $$$ Barclays fired some people for manipulating Libor [Reuters] $$$ "IPhone Price Cuts Send Bond Inflation Bets To 11-Year Low" [Bloomberg] $$$ Felix Salmon's friends spend $410mm a year on wine [Reuters] $$$ Judge Orders Sex-Change Operation for Federal Prisoner [Law Blog] $$$ Fifty billion!