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October 28, 2021
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You Wanna Play Hardball? Jeffrey Gundlach's Game

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A couple weeks back, bond manager, art collector, and porn buff Jeffrey Gundlach had $10 million worth of goods taken him from his home. The loot definitely included pieces by artists Guy Rose ("The Cathedral Tours") and Joseph Cornell ("Medici Boy") and possibly included works by C. Everette Smythe ("A Trip Down Mammary Lane"), Jules Jordan ("The Art of Female Ejaculation"), and Brandon Iron ("Swallow My Pride 2"). Understandably beside himself, Gundlach offered $200,000 for the return of his stuff and $1,000 for any information about the thieves who likely targeted his home knowing the vast array of riches to be found inside. Unfortunately, it appears that no leads have popped up and Gundlach has been forced to turn to Plan B:

Jeffrey Gundlach will hold a news conference at 1 pm Pacific/4 pm Eastern today (Monday Sep 24) regarding the burglary earlier this month and the reward for the recovery for the recovery of undamaged artwork taken in the burglary.

The conference will be held at the RR Donnelly conference room in the Wells Fargo building in downtown Los Angeles:

333 S. Grand Avenue (parking is off Hope Street)
Suite 4350 (43rd Floor)
Los Angeles, CA 90071

Those attending in-person, please RSVP with your name and organization, so that we may notify building security.

For those wishing to listen to the news conference by telephone, here is the call-in information:

Dial- In Numbers:

Toll free 888-582-3528
Local 847-944-7361
Passcode 6007587#

For those closely watching this case, it should be noted that Gundlach has yet to confirm or deny whether or not this is all some kind of elaborate role-playing stunt* that will culminate in a showdown with the "thieves," dressed in elaborate but skimpy costumes designed to tear off easily, somewhere out in the desert a week from now or perhaps halfway through today's presser (which is why he wanted an audience).

Jeffrey Gundlach Prepares To Host Press Conference On The Massive Theft Of His Art [Clusterstock]
Earlier: Want To Earn $100,000 The Hard Way, You Dirty Little Bitch? Give Jeffrey Gundlach A Call

*Occam's razor, people.

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Want To Earn $100,000 The Hard Way, You Dirty Little Bitch? Give Jeffrey Gundlach A Call

As you may have heard, at some point last week, bond manager Jeffrey Gundlach was robbed. Thieves took $10 million worth of stuff from the Doubleline founder's Santa Monica pad, including a couple of paintings, a few watches, some high-priced wine, a 2010 Porsche Carrera 4S, and whatever cash was lying around. While it's unclear if the burglars made away with Gundlach's collection of priceless pornographic films and sexual apparatus; if he was targeted specifically because the thieves knew they could get their hands on the original copy of Dr. Fellatio 16; or if they were tipped off by JG's regular pizza delivery guy, cable repairman, or pool boy, what is clear that Gundlach is pissed, pissed like a man who is no longer in possession of Ass Traffic Volume 2: The Director's Cut.  And that's where you come in. Mr Gundlach has reportedly offered a $100,000 reward for the return of his property. $1,000 is also being offered for information leading to the arrest and conviction of those who carried out the raid, according to Santa Monica police. And to the burglars, if you're reading this, Gundlach will see your asses in court (the real kind, unless you want to settle this in Bondage Nookie Court in which case, get in touch with this lawyer). Multimillionaire financier victim of $10-million heist [LA Times] Thieves snatch $10million haul of fine art, jewellery and a Porsche from home of wealthy banker dubbed the 'Bond God' [DM] Related (...?): Jeffrey Gundlach NOT Set Up By TCW, Big Fan Of “Dr. Fellatio” Series

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