Updated:
Original:

A Little Perspective...

From time to time around these parts, when things get particularly rough, we like to take a few moments to get a little perspective. Yes, you could be facing a significantly reduced bonus. Yes, you could be facing layoffs. Yes, you could be facing a class-action lawsuit by your investors, not to mention first-degree murder charges. But you're not this guy and for that you should be thankful. Patrick Gallagher, of Lansdale, Penn., has filed a $50,000 lawsuit against the Philadelphia-area Penthouse Club claiming a stripper injured him so severely during an on-stage dance that he was left with internal bleeding from a ruptured bladder. Gallagher’s friends had gone all-out for his bachelor party back in 2010, getting him the “bachelor’s package” which included a special performance from a stripper. During the dance, Gallagher was laying flat on the stage when a stripper slid down a pole “with such force” that she ruptured his bladder upon landing, the lawsuit said. His lawyer, Neil T. Murray, said the woman came from a “great height.” After the hard stripper landing, the injured soon-to-be groom called it a night. The next morning he went to the hospital where he was advised of his injuries and underwent surgery, the lawsuit said. Gallagher also says he suffered nerve damage to his back and hip. Pennsylvania man sues strip club, claims he was severely injured by dancer
Author:

From time to time around these parts, when things get particularly rough, we like to take a few moments to get a little perspective. Yes, you could be facing a significantly reduced bonus. Yes, you could be facing layoffs. Yes, you could be facing a class-action lawsuit by your investors, not to mention first-degree murder charges. But you're not this guy and for that you should be thankful.

Patrick Gallagher, of Lansdale, Penn., has filed a $50,000 lawsuit against the Philadelphia-area Penthouse Club claiming a stripper injured him so severely during an on-stage dance that he was left with internal bleeding from a ruptured bladder. Gallagher’s friends had gone all-out for his bachelor party back in 2010, getting him the “bachelor’s package” which included a special performance from a stripper. During the dance, Gallagher was laying flat on the stage when a stripper slid down a pole “with such force” that she ruptured his bladder upon landing, the lawsuit said. His lawyer, Neil T. Murray, said the woman came from a “great height.” After the hard stripper landing, the injured soon-to-be groom called it a night. The next morning he went to the hospital where he was advised of his injuries and underwent surgery, the lawsuit said. Gallagher also says he suffered nerve damage to his back and hip.

Pennsylvania man sues strip club, claims he was severely injured by dancer [NYDN]

Related

Steve Cohen Bought Himself A Little Pick-Me-Up

As you may have heard, the last number of months have been a bit tough on hedge fund manager Steve Cohen. In November, one of his former employees, Mathew Martoma, was accused of orchestrating "the most lucrative insider trading scheme ever," in a criminal complaint in which Cohen was referenced as Portfolio Manager A. A week later, the Times lopped 21,000 square feet off his house. Earlier this month, he had the pleasure of setting the record for the largest insider trading fine ever, at $614 million, a sum that does not even put this whole thing behind him, as the settlement "doesn't preclude the Securities and Exchange Commission from pursuing Cohen himself in the future." So you'll excuse the Big Guy if he felt the need to indulge in a little retail therapy recently.

Jeffrey Gundlach Had A Little Party Last Night

December 7, 1941. November 22, 1963. December 4, 2009. All dates of such historical and cultural significance that if you asked someone where they were that day, they'd surely be able to tell you. Because they weren't just any old days; they were moments when everything changed. The bombing of Pearl Harbor; the assassination of JFK; and, perhaps most importantly, the firing of Jeffrey Gundlach from the TWC Group, which had taken issue with his decision to start his own firm, and choose to express that anger by first escorting him out of the building and second raiding his offices, where they found an amount of adult films and sexual devices that suggested Gundlach was operating an online wholesale sex shop distributor and keeping the inventory at work. TCW also sued its former employee and at the time, rather than roll over and take it which is something he would never do, Gundlach vowed to fight back and clear up the misconception that TCW was the victim in the situation. On the contrary, JG told people, the real victim was US taxpayers who were "promised" Gundlach's services and had to settled for a subpar bond manager when his relationship with the firm was terminated. Gundlach ultimately emerged victorious* and perhaps even more satisfying to The Pope was the number of TCW employees and clients who followed him en masse to his new company, the aptly named DoubleLine Capital. We're not sure how you celebrated last night's hugely significant anniversary, but we do know how Gundlach did:

Not Everyone Convinced Former Trader Meant "It Wasn't A Question Of If I Was Going To Kill You, Just Of When" In A Figurative Sense

A year or so a go, commodities trader Vincent McCrudden was arrested for some things he put on a company website and some emails he sent out. The former involved an "execution" list containing the names of a handful of financial regulators, which he asked readers to aid him in crossing off ("I need your help," he wrote. "There are just too many for me alone"). The latter included an email to a CFTC staffer that noted: “You fucking corrupt piece of shit! I have let so many of you fucking corrupt mother fuckers off the hook for doing this to my life. You my friend are not getting away with this. I am going to do this my way now and you, you corrupt mother fucking piece of shit are the first on my list! laugh mother fucker…I am going to make you a test case!” To that end, the chief operating officer of the NFA was told, “It wasn’t ever a question of ‘if’ I was going to kill you, it was just of when." Were these emails particularly colorful? Yes. Should anyone who received them (or had their name placed on The List) been actually worried about losing his/her life? McCrudden could see how maybe things might have been interpretted that way, but no. As he told a judge, “I wrote provocative language on my website that could have been perceived as threatening. I would never intentionally hurt or cause bodily harm to another human being." And yet, this is still happening: Vincent P. McCrudden, a former New York commodities trader, was sentenced to two years and four months in prison for threatening to kill federal financial regulators. McCrudden, 51, who pleaded guilty last year, was sentenced today by U.S. District Judge Denis R. Hurley in federal court in Central Islip, New York...McCrudden said he was being persecuted for fighting back against unfair regulatory actions that destroyed his career. In addition to trading commodities, he ran his own hedge funds...McCrudden’s legal and regulatory entanglements began in 2000, when he was criminally charged with masking shortfalls in statements to his hedge-fund investors. The government said he included in his results money he expected to get from a lawsuit after Sumitomo Corp. (8053) was accused of manipulating the copper market. Ex-Trader McCrudden Gets 28 Months in Prison for Threats [Bloomberg]