If Ben Bernanke Is Going To Keep Printing Money, David Einhorn Is Going To Continue Stockpiling Gold Watches

In other GL updates, sources at Brovada say the investment team has swung from two point underdogs to 13.5 point favorites in the annual interoffice basketball game and the Greenlight baby-making machine continues to work overtime. Greenlight Capital 3rd Quarter Letter 2012 [PDF] Related (-ish): The Search For Einhorn's Gold
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In other GL third quarter updates, sources at Brovada say the investment team has swung from two point underdogs to 13.5 point favorites in the annual interoffice basketball game and the Greenlight baby-making machine continues to around the clock.

Greenlight Capital 3rd Quarter Letter 2012 [PDF]
Related (-ish): The Search For Einhorn's Gold

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David Einhorn Is Flattered By The Gesture But You're Going To Have To Do A Lot Better Than That

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Warren Buffett And David Einhorn Are In Agreement Re: The Frigidity Of Their Disfavored Investment Ideas

Back in February, in his annual letter to investors, Berkshire Hathaway chief Warren Buffett spent a good bit of time discussing why one shouldn't own gold. Beyond the fact that, according to WB, gold doesn't "change in size and [is] incapable of producing anything," and you'd be much better off buying farmland (which "a century from now will have produced staggering amounts of corn, wheat, cotton and other crops and will continue to produce that valuable bounty") or shares of Exxon Mobil (which "will probably have delivered trillions of dollars in dividends to its owners," the Oracle of Omaha had one incontrovertible, be all end all reason for eschewing the metal: its unfuckability. Oh sure, you can do things to a cube, you can fondle it, you can talk dirty to it, you can send nude pictures of yourself, you can even drill a hole in it and fuck it senseless, but, the thing is, the cube will not respond. No reciprocation, no gratitude, not even a sign it enjoyed itself.  For Buffett, no further argument was necessary as to the worthlessness of the commodity. (Silver, on the other hand, will make you feel like you're 18 again.) Anyway, David Einhorn sort of feels the same way about the dollar. Greenlight Capital 1Q2012 Letter To Investors [PDF] Related: Don't Think He Hasn't Tried

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David Einhorn Thinks "House Of Cards" Sucks

The Greenlight Capital founder just got up to speed on the last season and has feelings about it.

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David Einhorn Isn't Gonna Mince Words Here: 2015 Could've Gone Better

In fact, it's difficult to impossible to imagine it having gone worse.

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Don't Talk To David Einhorn About 2015

In fact, consider the numbers 2, 0, 1, and 5 banned from Greenlight Capital's offices.

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Hedge Funds

David Einhorn Would Really Appreciate It If Tesla Would Obey The Laws Of Mathematics

In other words, Greenlight Capital remains short Tesla.

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Hedge Funds

David Einhorn Pens The "Flowers For Algernon" Of Investor Letters

Stop what you're doing and send a hug into the universe for what's left of David Einhorn's psyche.

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David Einhorn Said No To A Capital Raise, Kept The Door Open For A Pub Crawl

Remember how David Einhorn got in trouble in England for insider trading on Punch Taverns stock and he was all "what?" and we were all "what?"? Well, you can judge it for yourself because now the entire disputed call with Punch is available online (at the back of this). So go read it, or read the highlights here. The FSA still thinks it's insider trading, but the count of people confused by the whole thing is rising, and now includes the Merrill banker on the call. There's lots of insider traderiness on this side of the pond today too so we should talk about that in a bit. For now, though, two other things. One is quick - no one can resist one part of the call and I can't either so here it is: DAVID EINHORN: Hi, I’m sorry I didn’t get to see you when you were in New York. PUNCH CEO: No, no, we -- well, we’ve -- we’ve only had the chance to speak once, although we have seen [reference to Greenlight Analyst] a few times since then. DAVID EINHORN: Oh, you’re -- you’re -- you’re getting more than -- than I could help with anyway. So, this is good. PUNCH CEO: Okay. That’s fair enough. Well, one day we’ll get you around on a pub crawl around some English pubs. DAVID EINHORN: Oh, that sounds fun. PUNCH CEO: It is. You’re right. English readers: Is it? I just assumed that Punch Taverns are rather grim places, like TGI Friday's but with more ... punching? ... but maybe I'm totally off base here. Also, here is a hypothesis: vice investments do well because, for the same level of profitability, they get more analyst/investor coverage and enthusiasm. Wouldn't you rather go on a pub crawl instead of like a tour of an auto parts factory in Queens? Would that influence your stock recommendations / money allocations? Someone should do a study.