$$$ S&P 500 Breaks Record [WSJ] $$$ M&A Stumbles Amid March Deal Drought [Bloomberg] $$$ An interview with Athanasios Orphanides: What happened in Cyprus [Economist] $$$ Sarkozy: from the Elysée to private equity [FT] $$$ Embattled DOE-Grant Recipient Changes Name from A123 to B456 [WFB] $$$ Posting will be light tomorrow for Good Friday. Enjoy the holiday; we'll see you back here on Monday. $$$ Dell paying Blackstone's bills [Fortune] $$$ Investors sue RBS over 2008 rights issue [FT] $$$ REITs Trigger Fed Warning as Kain Tops $100 Billion [Bloomberg] $$$ Citi Sails Back Into 'Synthetic' Securities [WSJ] $$$ New York Is ‘By Far the Least Free State’ in America, According to Some People [DI] $$$ THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GITMO STRIKE: Detainees Are Treated Absurdly Well Compared To Business Insider Reporters [BI]

$$$ Alcoa Swings to a Profit [WSJ] $$$ SAC Capital Said to Raise Portfolio Managers’ Bonuses [Bloomberg] $$$ Titan's taste for small funds seen behind its SAC exit [Reuters] $$$ Dimon Leaves New York Fed Board as His Term Ends [DealBook] $$$ What The Simpsons Taught Us About the Dangers of a Trillion-Dollar Platinum Coin [DI] $$$ An investment manager is looking for a senior portfolio analyst in Seattle [DBCC] $$$ Dealpolitik: How AIG Board Works Its Way Out of the Hot Seat [Deal Journal] $$$ Lawmakers Warn A.I.G. Not to Join Lawsuit Against U.S. [DealBook] $$$ Why AIG Suing America Isn't as Crazy as You Think [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ Clearwire Receives $5.15 Billion Buyout Bid from Dish [WSJ] $$$ Oregon Man Arrested for Choking Girlfriend With His Own Dreadlocks [Gawker]

$$$ FBI Launches Criminal Inquiry Into Heinz Options Trading [WSJ] $$$ Herbalife Fourth-Quarter Profit Tops Analysts’ Estimates [Bloomberg] $$$ Greenlight shows 'likelihood of success' against Apple -judge [Reuters] $$$ One problem with paying interest on excess reserves is that you pay interest on excess reserves [FT] $$$ Blavatnik hits out at ‘arrogant’ JPMorgan [FT] $$$ "I use psychoanalytic theory to argue that the malevolent object of [Occupy Wall Street's] critique is the father, who, in fulfillment of the paternal function, forces socialization upon us. The world of artificial images is culture, seen from the standpoint of alienation. Their alternative, rooted in their authenticity, with themselves as models, doesn't amount to much." [SSRN via Bainbridge] $$$ "'If you want to protect yourself get a double barrel shotgun, you don't need an AR-15,' Biden said, referring to a type of semi-assault weapon. 'You don't need an AR-15, it's harder to aim, it's harder to use...buy a shotgun. Buy a shotgun.'" [TPM] $$$ A leading hedge fund administrator is seeking a project manager / business analyst [DBCC] $$$ OfficeMax, Office Depot in Talks to Merge [WSJ] $$$ Is Linn Energy ponzi-ish? [Bronte Capital] $$$ Institutional buyers jostle for position in new infrastructure debt market [Euromoney] $$$ Multimillion Diamond Heist at Brussels Airport [WSJ] $$$ A guy wrote a book that, unlike every other book, "paints a picture of a fast-moving, high-stakes, ego-fueled market controlled by a handful of traders. The champagne flowed when profit was strong, he said, but heads rolled over a single miscalculation." [DealBook] $$$ "[W]e are very well-versed in the legend of the power breakfast, but we will enhance it with our own culture ...” [NYP]

$$$ The Einhorn burrito taste test [Felix Salmon] $$$ Mortgage prepayment rates highest since 2005 [CR] $$$ Do you think Harvard Business School will ever again send less than 30% of its graduates to the financial industry? [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ "What’s America’s FICO score? One analyst tries to find out" for some reason [MW] $$$ Chelsea Clinton loved working at her parents' friend's hedge fund because it was "fiercely meritocratic," but left because money "wasn’t the metric I wanted to judge my life by in a professional sense." [Bloomberg] $$$ SQUIRREL HATS [Onward State] $$$ A large global corporate and investment bank is looking for a credit analyst in New York [DBCC] $$$ EU Banks Face Tougher Capital Requirements [WSJ] $$$ Grassley Turning Up Heat on Geithner Over LIBOR Scandal [FBN] $$$ Report: Wall Street is pricing in a 2012 Democratic victory [WonkBlog] $$$ The Glory Days of Currency Trading Are Over: HSBC [CNBC] $$$ Police seize 660 barrels of syrup possibly linked to Quebec maple heist [Globe & Mail]

$$$ Athens faces tough bail-out terms [FT] $$$ ECB to Exchange Greek Bonds [WSJ] $$$ I give up, what would you do about Greece? [Crooked Timber] $$$ Yelp Sets Terms for March IPO [WSJ, possibly related] $$$ Goldman hires Harvard students because Harvard is bad at educating them [Bloomberg / Ezra Klein, possibly related] $$$ Australia's richest person wrote the universe's worst poem ("Develop North Australia, embrace multiculturalism and welcome short term foreign workers to our shores / To benefit from the export of our minerals and ores" etc.) [Telegraph via The Jane Dough] $$$ You could be a Credit Risk Senior Analyst at Genworth in Stamford [eFinancialCareers] $$$ Icahn Offers to Buy CVR Energy in at Least $2.6 Billion Deal [Bloomberg] $$$ The SEC raised the qualifications for being charged 2 and 20 [SEC] $$$ Merrill brokers are fine selling bad advice but draw the line at selling BofA banking services [Reuters / Felix Salmon] $$$ Welcome to six months ago Art Cashin. Some tips: buy NFLX; don't take any Tuscan cruises. [MarketBeat] $$$ Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore wants to end the default practice of quarterly earnings guidance and explore issuing loyalty-driven securities as part of an overhaul of capitalism which he says has turned many of the world's largest economies into hotbeds of irresponsible short-term investment. [Reuters] $$$ Toddler Rescued From Inside Claw Game [ABC]

$$$ Arrests Near Stock Exchange Top 100 on Occupy Wall St. Anniversary [NYT] $$$ Pandit’s Censured Bonus Unhurt by Smith Barney Writedown [Bloomberg] $$$ America’s Fourth-Richest Woman Unveiled With Koch Stake [Bloomberg] $$$ The incidence of the corporate tax is progressive [WonkBlog] $$$ Apple sells 2 million new phones, sets early order record [Reuters] $$$ B-School Applicants Decline for Four Years [WSJ] $$$ "One sophomore, granted anonymity by The Crimson because she was afraid to be associated with a party that had been interrupted by police ... [said] 'Everyone at Harvard is very career-minded. No one likes the cops.'" [Crimson] $$$ A mid-sized global investment bank is looking for a senior quant developer for its FICC trading desk in New York [DBCC] $$$ "One could easily conclude that [corporate bond] ETFs are ending up with the inventory that dealers can’t manage themselves. Which makes perfect sense if you consider that ETFs are a great place for dealers to park inventory on a funded and risk-recycled basis." [FTAV] $$$ Euro crisis tests limits of "French exception" [Reuters] $$$ Schulze still trying to line up Best Buy bid funding [NYP] $$$ A federal court ruled that a fraternity is not a monastery for zoning purposes [VC] $$$ "A Wal-Mart cashier and manager tore up two $100 bills and held a customer for hours until police came and told the store the cash was legitimate, the furious customer claims in court." [CNS]

$$$ Instead Of Doing His Job, Jeroen Dijsselbloem Has Given Us A Glimpse Of The Euro 'End Game' [BI] $$$ Paul Krugman thinks Cyprus should leave the Euro [NYT] $$$ RBS Split Not Ruled Out [WSJ] $$$ "Big Bank CEOs Must Rally Against Breakup Talk" [AB] $$$ "Texas, the Germany of America." [WaPo] $$$ Aspiring Model Scores State-Funded Boob Job After Convincing Doctor Her Flat Chest Was Causing Her ‘Emotional Distress’ [Gawker] $$$ Global pool of triple A status shrinks 60% [FT] $$$ Denmark Reviews Bail-In Law as ‘Terrorists’ Shape Banking [Bloomberg] $$$ Two Charged in Insider-Trading Case [WSJ] $$$ How the ‘London Whale’ trade could have been stopped [RWC&G] $$$ Ranking All 27 Seasons of The Real World [Vulture] $$$ Trump loses fight against wind farm [FT]

$$$ Pierre-Henri Flamand is closing his event-driven hedge fund Edoma because there are no events [WSJ] $$$ Global Regulators to Cut List of Too-Big-To-Fail Banks to 28 [Bloomberg] $$$ Wells Seeks Mortgage-Suit Dismissal, Citing Redundancy [WSJ] $$$ Bloomberg endorses Obama [Bloomberg View] $$$ So does Whitney Tilson [BBW] $$$ Obviously there is a Harvard Business School Gangnam Style video [YouTube] $$$ The SEC is looking for a graphic artist / web designer in DC [DBCC] $$$ "Bernanke Depression Guru Seeks Roosevelt Well-Being" [Bloomberg] $$$ "The guide's popularity offers a glimpse into the world of aspiring management consultants" [WSJ] $$$ "Over the last 60 years, poll questions that asked people which candidate they expected to win have been a better guide to the outcome of the presidential race than questions asking people whom they planned to vote for." [NYT] $$$ Yield is the Last Refuge of Scoundrels [Aleph Blog] $$$ Cory Booker Not Taking Hot Pocket Crisis Seriously [DI]